Posts Tagged ‘emotion’
Recipe for a Happy Life : 44 ingredients and instructions prepared with love
Towards the end of 2013, I am grateful that I have an serendipitous opportunity to meet & learn from Cheryl Saban. Her eyes, gaze, smiles and life experience reminds me on Louise Hay.
Cheryl introduced me to a coffee table book of her, which is beautifully prepared with pastel-tone, day-wedding-like photos. I am also grateful to Emily Westlake who was responsible for the picture research. Those charming, gentle and simple photographs and images of flowers, glasses, plants, seaside, nostalgic items are indeed heart-warming for cold December. Those soft, natural light falling gently on ordinary items make them look extraordinary.
Reflecting on Cheryl’s sharing, people do face financial woes, marital strife, and health problems. This perspective seems to connect with Michael’s view that it is rare for a person to have excellence in all areas of wealth, relationships, and health.
So, here are the ingredients & instructions for a happy life that I like:
@~@ LOVE & RELATIONSHIPs / CONNECTIONs
# Give love, create love, and receive love.
"There is only one happiness in life, to love and be loved" ~ George Sand.
# Be kind & encouraging. "Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony." ~ Mohandas K. Gandhi
# Practice random act of kindness.
"Always be a little kinder than necessary." ~ James M. Barrie, the creator of Peter Pan.
# Give to others.
"When we give cheerfully and accept gratefully, everyone is blessed." ~ Maya Angelou.
# Give your time, talent, treasure to others.
# Connect to yourself.
# Connect to nature.
# Connect to God.
# Connect to others : family members, friends, colleagues.
# Find & cherish your soul mate.
"The key to succeeding in a relationship is not finding the right person, it is learning to love the person you found."
# Forgive yourself.
# Forgive others.
@~@ GRATITUDE
# Be content with who you are.
"To be what we are, and to become what we are capable of becoming, is the only end of life." ~ Robert Louis Stevenson.
# Be grateful.
"Let us be grateful to people who make us happy; they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom." ~ Marcel Proust
# Count your blessings.
# Respect the power of nature, be thrilled by the miracle of birth.
# Appreciate the special beauty that is present in even the most mundane & everyday things, e.g. the very air that you breathe, sunrise, sunset, moonlight.
"The richness I achieve comes from Nature, the source of my inspiration." ~ Claude Monet.
# Be happy for others.
"This is not a competition — there is plenty of happiness to go around, once you know where to look." ~ Cheryl Saban.
@~@ HEALTH
# Eat reasonably.
# Sleep deeply.
# Walk.
@~@ BELIEVE & HOPE
# Pray incessantly.
# Nurture your spiritual beliefs
# Journalling / Keep a diary.
# Engage in positive internal conversations.
# Write your story (in encouraging ways).
# Meditate.
# Attract positive experiences.
"Remember the Law of Attraction, and make an effort to attract positive, happy experiences into your life."
# Develop inner strength.
"Be willing to live life to your fullest potential, and believe in the fact that you have plenty of it." ~ Cheryl Saban.
# Search inside yourself.
"The foolish man seek happiness in the distance, the wise grows it under his feet." ~ James Oppenheim.
# Learn.
"Master a new skill. When you take the time to engage in activities that absorb your full attention, you’ll experience a sense of well-being and contentment." ~ Cheryl Saban.
Blueorselady : think of Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi’s flow.
# Look for ways to be inspired.
@~@ INDEPENDENCE & RESPONSIBILITY
"Independence is happiness." ~ Susan B. Anthony.
# Choose happiness.
"50% of a given human’s happiness level is genetically determined (based on twin studies), 10% is affected by life circumstances and situation, and a remaining 40% of happiness is subject to self control." ~ Sonja Lyubomirsky, The How of Happiness.
# Think positively. "The happiness of your life depends on the quality of your thoughts." Marcus Aurelius Antoninus.
# Learn positive coping skills.
"Avoid false fixes. Over-indulging in shopping, food, alcohol, or drugs won’t bring you happiness." ~ Cheryl Saban.
# Try to make at least three people smile each day — beginning with yourself!
@~@ PASSION
# Discover your passions.
"Explore. Dream. Discover" ~ Mark Twain.
# Improve your talents.
# Have purposes, dreams, goals.
"It is one of my dreams to publish a coffee table book, I believe I can. A book that can help myself, my loved ones & others to enjoy a lifetime of contentment and fulfilment. Thank you Cheryl for your encouragement!"
# Be proactive.
"Turn wishful thinking into positive action. Those who take a proactive stance in their lives tend to have an ample supply of joy and pleasure" ~ Cheryl Saban.
# Seek positive role models.
# Learn life-enhancing, esteem-building behaviors from your role models, heroes / heroines, masters, jedi / guru / mentors.
# Be persevered for things that matter. https://blueroselady.wordpress.com/2013/11/01/perseverance-why-does-it-matter-can-perseverance-be-learned/
# Work.
"Happiness comes when your work and words are of benefit to yourself and others." ~ Buddha.
A life lesson from a fallen fruit cart: resilience
The inspiration below is adapted from the story shared by Subroto Bagchi, a co-founder & CEO of MindTree Consulting.
Imagine a busy road junction in a developing country (e.g. China, India, Indonesia) during the peak hour.
The smoke from vehicles.
The burning hot sun.
The dust that hurts eyes.
Everyone is rushing and rushing.
But it has become worse on a particular day.
A fruit seller’s cart has overturned.
His fruits are everywhere on the street floor.
The rushing vehicles are crushing his fruits.
His business for today is over.
Everyday, he woke up at 4 am before dawn or sunrise,
to buy his commodity from the wholesale market.
Then, he walked pushing his cart over a long distance.
Commodity like fruit is easily perishable,
he must sell them by the day.
Sometimes, he has not been successful because of bad weather.
Sometimes, he consumes the left-overs.
Sometimes, he just gives them away.
When unfortunate things like today happen,
he losses his capital,
and has to borrow more money from moneylender – who normally charges neck-choking interests.
Reading his story is like a wake-up call for my friend S who forward it to me.
S has a comfortable job, with stable salary, bonuses, and health insurance.
However, she often finds herself worrying about the future.
Her progress has been slow mainly because of her maternity leave and feeling of inadequate.
I asked S what the worst that can happen?
Her job contract will not be renewed.
Then, I asked S if this means that she can explore possible endeavors that she always dreams of but was too afraid to explore.
Unlike the fruit cart seller who has no financial safety net,
S still has some savings that can last her for at least half a year,
a supportive spouse.
What S needs more is resilience that she can learn from the entrepreneurial fruit cart seller to deal with life.
Details matter
Details matter as they affect perceptions and hence emotions.
Best marketers, directors, writers, innovators, scientists pay attention to details as a form of commitment to their endeavors. For example, the movie The Grandmaster by Wong Kar Wai.
Here are 2 simple examples to illustrate the point.
1. I attended a talk to introduce a high tech small company and the technology sounds sophisticated and convincing (to me in spite of the soft spoken speaker), until I saw a typo in the reference. While I am forgiving and aiming to minimize perfectionism, I recall a warning from my structural thinking class. Consultants are rigorously trained to polish their presentation slides to the level of perfection. A single mistake in the slide means game over. An overlook of details can cause consultants to lose the trust and confidence of their clients; they simply lose their clients. Lesson: For things that matter, always double check, triple check.
2. I was excited to use a 3-color pen with a brand of Lonza on it (instead of having to carry 3 pens, I only need 1), that I received while attending a Lonza-sponsored event. But, the fact that it runs out of ink in less than 3 usage, was disappointing. I know that the pen is not manufactured by Lonza, but outsourced.
I do not mean to be ungrateful here, but this tiny experience makes me think that if I am playing a role of giver, I will ensure quality control (QC) of my gifts, particularly if the gifts are parts of marketing plan.
Giving can be a double sword, especially if the gifts are of sub-quality. Receivers of bad gifts will shift their perceptions of the givers from positive to negative.
Receivers may think that "Perhaps it is not only the gifts are lousy, but the products are lousy too!"
Receivers will also doubt the sincerity of the company / giver / (service) provider.
Lesson: Ensure QC of gifts. If I cannot ensure QC, I will just give smiles. Free but sincere.
Final remark:
If you need a team player who is attentive to details, consider having a completer finisher in your team.
Happiness exercise: Describe yourself in positive ways
Happiness means differently to different people.
To some people,
happiness means a combination of the followings:# Finding love & happily married
# Having children, grandchildren, great grandchildren
# Good health
# Be financially well-off
# Enjoying a successful career
# Ability to maintain work-life harmony
# Happy relationships with extended family (ie. parents, grandparents, siblings, nephews, etc)
# Fulfilling friendships
# Making a difference to the world. You laugh … yes, many people, including me, set their dreams so high (and hence raising the standards of attaining their happiness).
To sum up, happiness is fundamentally related to health, wealth, and children.
Since happiness is related to so wide and diverse areas of our lives, how can we work on each area of importance to us? How to prioritize?
I believe in exercises / practice. It takes 10,000 hours of practice to give birth to a real talent.
Sincerely, I want you to master the art and science of happiness,
so that you can choose to be happy
even in the face of difficult circumstances and being overwhelmed by negative emotions.
In my designed series of happiness exercises, I would share numerous effective and tested exercise to enjoy happiness in your life.
Today exercise is to describe yourself in positive ways. Write to yourself. List your favorite attributes, your achievements, your roles, your love, and anything elseo about you.
Herein, I do the exercise on myself (in the autumn of 2013)
I am …
# a mother
# a daughter
# a wife
# a student of Coursera, edX
# a researcher
# a storyteller
# an author
# an ex-artist
I love …
# people who love me & whom I love.
“You can never replace anyone because everyone is made up of such beautiful specific details.” Before Sunset (2004)
# food (especially healthy affordable food and desserts)
# simplicity
# diversity
# reading (and writing) and hence books
# gardens & parks in spring & summer, in early mornings & late afternoons
# philosophy of life
# giving smiles, talks in front of groups
# learning diverse things. I believe in the “See one, Do one, Teach one” model.
# dreams
# personal development, making a syllabus for life / bucket list / life planning
# entrepreneurship + unconventional work
# (and honestly sometimes fear) change / dynamics.
“The only constant is change, continuing change, inevitable change, that is the dominant factor in society today. No sensible decision can be made any longer without taking into account not only the world as it is, but the world as it will be.” Isaac Asimov
I used to love …
# travel
# photography
# fireworks
# movies
But now they are not on top of my priorities.
People who have inspired me (non-exhaustively) include:
# Anthony Robbins
# Cayden Chang
# Chris Guillebeau
# Danah Zohar
# Dale Carnegie
# Dong Mingzhu 董明珠
# Goldie Hawn
# Jean Maalouf
# Jessie Louise Yancey-Siegel, affectionately known as Weezie
# Josh Kaufmann
# Joseph Murphy
# Leo Babauta
# Leong Kaiwen
# Louise Hay
# Luciano Passuello
# Michael Ellsberg
# Napoleon Hill
# Robert Cialdini
# Tahir
# Thich Nhat Hanh
# Tim Ferriss
These people are my brothers / sisters, my mentors, my dearest friends.
Things that I want to have / have more / give more to others:
@~@ Happiness
@~@ Health
@~@ Optimism & Hope
@~@ Gratitude
@~@ Kindness e.g. smile
@~@ Empathy e.g. a listening ear
@~@ Wealth
@~@ Wisdom
@~@ Courage e.g. to make new friends
Things that I want to remove / reduce :
@~@ Fear
@~@ Sadness
@~@ Anger
@~@ Envy / Jealousy
@~@ Clutters
@~@ Disappointment
How to use quotes to better your life? 4 empowering tips
Do you love quotes?
Do you have a collection of quotes that you love?
Would you please share one or few with me those that you love most (in comment below)?
When I was a high school student, like other boarders, I was assigned to a particular class room for 7-10 pm self-study every Sundays to Fridays, and Saturdays too when it was near the exam period!
I was fortunate that the class room where I was assigned to had inspiring quote written on the black board.
坚其志，苦其心，劳其力，事无大小，必有所成。
Since then, I started to collect my own quotes.
I also learned that by including quotes in my essays, I can improve the quality of my writings, and received higher marks. So, I started to memorize some useful quotes.
Agreeing with my friend Passuello of Litemind, quotes can instantly transform our moods, feelings & emotions, like a keyboard shortcut. Being short & succinct, quotes act faster than books, music & movies.
Toni Robbins highlights the importance of being able to instantly switch our mood, it is a relief to realize that quotes can be one of our arsenals.
We may have already known about the idea that a particular quote expresses, but sometimes we may have forgotten about it. The quote can serve as our reminder.
Sometimes, we may subscribe to popular ideas, but not everything popular is always right. Quotes of different (if not opposing) ideas can challenge our perspectives.
Sometimes, we have an idea on particular issues, but we are struggling to find the right words to express it. Herein, quotes come as a shortcut & springboard for explaining our ideas / established views / formed perspectives to others.
To summarize,
1. quotes are useful to instantly transform our emotions.
2. quotes can make us happy and hopeful.
3. quotes challenge our perspectives.
4. quotes enable us to communicate (write, speak, talk) effectively.
Bonus:
# Quote of the day:
Do our Best
Let God do the Rest
# Quotes at the end of my email
You Will Never Experience Positive Things By Feeling Negative Feelings
Recently, I read a post entitled You Will Never Experience Positive Things By Feeling Negative Feelings.
"Sorry" : how different people perceive it differently
Story 1:
Having lived in England, I am somehow influenced by their highly polite nature.
For a small mistake / unintentional little offense, the English will say "I am very sorry".
Note the use of "very".
I was impressed by their high level of politeness.
The English (the people in my workplace, my school, my church) appears to be highly civilized,
of course there are also 小混混,
on the street,
I encountered once, the 小混混 who spit on me.
The encounter made me extra careful,
to avoid some area.
Eventually, I enjoyed happy life,
and collected one of the most beautiful memories of my life,
while I was in England.
After I left England, I realize that some of the English who said "I am very sorry", might not mean it so much, it has been their habit to say such a too 客气话. But, I really appreciate their kindness (see, this is an example that I have been influenced by the English).
Story 2:
SM does not like to hear anyone says sorry for a simple mistake / error.
She feels that the word sorry is reserved for a big mistake.
She also thinks that people who say the word sorry too easily, when they say sorry, they do not sincerely mean that they regret what they did.
Messages of the stories:
1. Awareness of different meaning of words to different people, is important.
2. Use words wisely (adapt our choice of words for different people).
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Reflections on love: Happy Valentine 2013
Love means giving in without giving up.
Being in love produces the same physiological responses as fear: pupil dilation, sweaty palms, and increased heart rate.
Men who kiss their wives each morning live 5 years longer than those who don’t.
Medical experts suggest you are more likely to catch a common cold by shaking hands than by kissing.
Love and marriage are boosts for your health, so much so that one doctor admitted that if a new drug had the same impact, virtually every doctor in the country would be recommending it.
“Marriage is 3 parts love and 7 parts forgiveness of sins,” Lao Tzu observed.
Do you believe in love at first sight?
According to research, love at first sight is not just a fairy tale. If a person is in the right emotional frame of mind, it can take as little as 30 seconds to fall in love. Physical appearance tops he list for attraction, but a desire to know more about t person is another factor. Interestingly, men fall first but are usually the most fickle, a sign that it is possible to fall in love with more than a person at a time.
In my darkest moment I found my brightest light. I am so glad I found you.
I not only love you, but love that you love me.
A reflection on universal love through a Swedish proverb,
“Love me when I least deserve it, because that’s when I really need it.”
The worst, ugliest, dirtiest, most annoying human being we have encountered is probably the one that we have to love most, because s/he is the one who needs our love or compassion most.
I will tell my children, “when the going gets tough, remember: your mother loves you.”
I love this quote by Antoine De Saint-Exupery:
“Perhaps friendship is the process of my leading you gently back to yourself.”
I also love this quote by Vincent van Gogh:
“The more I think it over, the more I feel that there is nothing more truly artistic than to love people.”
Happy Valentine 2013, with love from Blueroselady.
What are people emotionally hungry for?
According to Les Giblin, the author of Confidence and Power in Dealing with People, people are hungry for:
Admiration
Affirmation
Approval
Appreciation
Acceptance
When Blueroselady loves herself, she will be able to love others.
When Blueroselady likes herself, she will be able to like others.
Thus, Blueroselady is constantly improving herself.
Self-help
Instead of seeking admiration, affirmation, approval, appreciation and acceptance from other people, Blueroselady constantly provides them to herself.
People are more pleased at a compliment if we praise them for something that is not glaringly obvious.
Praise the ACTIVITY / action / performance / job, not the person. This way of praising is more specific and sincere.
Similarly, if we must give constructive criticism,
criticize the ACTIVITY / action / performance / job, not the person. This way of criticizing is impersonal.
Do not compete with other people to make ourselves seem better / more important at their expense.
Never criticize someone in front of someone else.
Do not speak negatively about ANYTHING (including our competitors). People do not like negative people.
Related:
How not to listen to non-constructive criticism?
How to play the game of life?
The 10 most important things
Leadership
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