Posts Tagged ‘motherhood’
How to choose sunscreen (at least for myself and children)?
In mid November 2013, I read a scientific finding (by J.L. of my undergraduate almamater) that nano particles such as zinc oxide can possibly cause cancer.
Then, I feel the need to check the ingredients of my sunscreen.
SPF 15 or higher only protects against UVB, but not UVA. According to Dr. David J. Leffell (professor of dermatology and surgery at the Yale School of Medicine), the followings (ecamsule, avobenzone, oxybenzone, titanium dioxide, sulisobenzone, or zinc oxide) protect against UVA.
According to the webmd.com, children’s sunscreens use ingredients less likely to irritate the skin, like titanium dioxide and zinc oxide.
It seems that the more complicated a product is, the more hidden or unknown risks it carries.
Is zinc oxide (in sunscreen) good or bad for us?
Dr. Lawrence Gibson (a dermatologist at Mayo Clinic) views that sunscreen is safe (has not been proven to increase the risk of skin cancer, has been proven to reduce the risk of melanoma). Instead of looking at a sunscreen’s SPF, choose a broad-spectrum sunscreen that will protect you from UVA and UVB rays
If you are pregnant, avoid sunscreens that contain antioxidant retinyl palmitate, a form of vitamin A or retinol.
Sand, water, snow and concrete reflect sunlight.
Instead of being confused by the choices of sunscreen,
consider the following tips:
# Avoid the sun during peak hours (between 10 a.m. and 2 p.m.), regardless of season (Since UV light can pass through clouds, use sunscreen even when it’s cloudy).
# Choose indoor activities (e.g. indoor swim) during the sun peak hours.
# Wear protective clothing e.g. pants, long sleeve shirts, sunglasses.
# Wear a wide-brimmed hat.
# Use an umbrella.
# Vitamins. Vitamin E can protect against UV-induced DNA damage. Vitamin C helps protect skin from sunburn.
# Do not let any product lull you into a false sense of security about sun exposure.
# Finally, pursue a combinatorial approach (shade, clothing, umbrella / hat, sunscreen, common sense).
Gratitude exercise: write a letter / post about a gadget / an appliance that benefits your life
I am grateful for my blender.
Blender is a versatile small appliance that everyone who loves home made, healthy, and delicious food must have.
Herein, I write a post to describe how my blender has benefited and brought joy to our lives.
Dear blender
Thank you for being so efficient in providing my family with delicious and healthy food.
We have enjoyed so numerous healthy and delicious items.
Papaya milkshake
papaya banana milkshake
banana chocolate milkshake
strawberry banana milkshake
avocado chocolate milkshake
avocado coffee milkshake
honeydew milkshake
They taste so delicious, preservative-free, 100% natural, and healthy (I normally do not add additional sugar like commercially available juices).
Puree for baby (ideas for recipe here)
Next, I plan to try use blender to make soup (Oh! how I miss those hot / warm soup of 2007-2009).
The following recipes are designed on my mind (no testing done yet) as inspired by other recipes.
PUMPKIN SOUP
1. cook / the followings in a pan / pot / rice cooker / slow cooker:
# pumpkin
# meat / pork rib and/or dried scallop
# 1 clove garlic, minced
# 1 onion, chopped
# pepper to taste
# thyme, chopped / ginger / cinnamon / Rosemary
PS: I may also saute the garlic, onion, thyme / ginger with olive oil / sesame oil.
2. Then blend in small batches (e.g. 1 cup / time) / use hand blender.
3. To make the soup creamier, add milk.
4. Garnish with fresh parsley / coriander.
SWEET POTATO SOUP
Same as pumpkin soup, just replace the pumpkin with sweet potato
CREAMY BAYLEYS MUSHROOM SOUP
Use low heat to saute mushroom in little olive oil.
When the liquid is released from the mushroom, add Bayleys and cream / oat.
Transfer the mushroom into a pot of boiled meat / ribs.
Bring to boil. Add milk.
Add pepper to taste.
More ideas …
barley soup
pear soup
add carrot to sweeten to soup
Tips:
for your safety, use bottle brush to wash to prevent the blades from accidentally cutting any of your finger.
How to prevent and overcome constipation? 4 natural easy ways
Constipation is bad because waste matter that is stuck in the colon for too long has been known to release bacteria and other harmful contaminants back into the bloodstream.
Constipation affects both adults and children.
Being a mother, I have been checking regularly that my baby passed motion daily.
Here, are tips to prevent and overcome constipation.
Drink (plenty of) water.
W for Water, as I recall telling my baby while bathing him.
To keep hydrated, it is important to not only drink plenty of water but also minimize and (if possible) avoid alcohol and caffeine-containing beverages like coffee, tea and soda.
Eat more fiber,
e.g. beans, whole grains, brown rice, nuts, oatmeals, crunchy vegetables.
How much fiber do we need daily?
men: 38 grams
women: 25 grams
Types of fiber:
(1) soluble fiber
(2) insoluble fiber
Soluble fiber is present in beans, peas, oatmeal, nuts, seeds, apples, pears, strawberries, and blueberries.
Insoluble fiber is present in whole grains, barley, couscous, brown rice, nuts, seeds, carrots, cucumbers, zucchini, celery, green beans, dark leafy vegetables, raisins, nuts, grapes, and tomatoes.
Soluble fiber is associated with lowering LDL (bad) cholesterol, regulating blood sugar, and a lower risk of heart disease and type 2 diabetes.
Insoluble fiber helps keep you regular, prevents constipation, and reduces the risk of diverticular disease.
Exercise
Prolonged lack of inactivity causes constipation, so let’s exercise together!
I prefer gentle exercise like walking or swimming. It has been ages since the last time I swim! The last time perhaps was at Girton College, Cambridge.
Bonus:
The posture of kneeling and resting your body on your hands (屁股功) can help to create the urge to pass motion.
My mother is a strong advocate of this exercise and has helped a relative to overcome her constipation by practicing such a posture.
Too busy to answer the natural call to visit the loo?
Ignoring the urge to have a bowel movement causes constipation, so do not delay bowel movements.
To summarize, to prevent and overcome constipation:
1. drink water
2. eat fiber
3. exercise
4. Do not delay bowel movements
5 calming tips to overcome anger
It is OK for you to experience frustration / anger.
You are not alone.
We all experience frustration / anger in our lives.
Anger is not always bad,
anger helps us to assert our rights.
Anger, like other negative emotions and also positive emotions,
are normal and appropriate
under particular circumstances in space and time
(dynamic spatio-temporal context).
However,
when anger is prolonged / intense / unacknowledged,
it may lead to diseases,
which we do not want.
To quote Ralph Waldo Emerson,
“For every minute you remain angry
you give up 60 seconds of peace of mind.”
Negative emotions such as anger / frustration / resentment,
can be extremely destructive,
because these destabilizing emotions blur our vision,
disable us from rational and clear thinking,
and rapidly drag us down to regrettable paths of lives.
There is truth in the saying that
Anger Is One Letter Short of Danger.
It is all right to feel anger
but it is not all right
to express anger violently
or with cruel words.
Anger shows on our face,
can impair our potential to live a happy life.
Angry outbursts / aggression can become a bad habit;
the more one allows anger to take control,
the deeper the brain pathways are carved & reinforced,
because of brain plasticity.
Simply put,
Anger begets anger.
When people are stress / angry,
their body releases stress hormones
like cortisol & adrenaline,
that intensify the amygdala’s sense of danger,
& shut down the calming function of the prefrontal cortex.
We want calmer, more effective & more resourceful ways
to handle our emotions,
especially angry feelings.
We want to prevent ourselves
from getting stuck in deeper problems,
such as depression & anxiety,
in the long run.
Thích Nhất Hạnh / tʰǐk ɲɜ̌t hɐ̂ʔɲ views that
either expressing or suppressing anger
is an end of 2 extremes.
Expressing anger harms those around you,
destroys your relationship with others.
Suppressing anger harms yourself & your health.
Instead, choose to acknowledge our emotions.
Choose calmer & more soothing ways to attend to anger.
Melissa Costello shares that
anger can be a cover up for deep hurt & pain.
In 10 Mindful Minutes,
Goldie Hawn & Wendy Holden also shares that
anger can be due to fear.
The good news is
we can learn techniques
to overcome & deal with
our pain & fear.
Our brain is plastic,
we can train our mind
to be positive.
We can be creative
or learn from creative people
in dealing with our negative emotions.
Roger Weissberg of Yale University
contributed a technique using the traffic signal imagery^
to help people to deal with difficult emotions.
^ Children may prefer we call it traffic signal game,
instead of the traffic signal technique.
How to use the traffic signal technique?
You can get some paper & color pencils / crayons
to draw a picture of traffic signal.
Alternatively,
you can visualize traffic signal in your mind
When you are feeling negative emotions such as anger,
use the traffic signals to help you
to drive & steer your emotions safely.
Red = stop. Breathe mindfully / do some mindful breathing.
Yellow = consider all possible / thinkable / reasonable ways to respond.
In this yellow light stage, we activate our prefrontal cortex.
Green = Respond mindfully.
The traffic signal technique works because
according to Paul Ekman,
we begin feeling a strong emotion much faster
than we are aware of it.
When we use the traffic signal technique,
we allows ourselves to stop and think.
The technique lengthens the time between
the impulse / stimulus and response (either reaction or action)
as soon as
we realize and recognize
our difficult / negative feelings.
According to Victor Frankl,
between our stimulus and response
we have the freedom and power
to choose our response:
the most positive, mindful, meaningful response.
Through frequent practices
of the traffic signal technique,
we can build solid emotional resilience.
Last, but not least,
we can memorize some affirmations & scriptures.
They act as a short-cut
to quickly calm ourselves down
in the intense moment of strong negative feelings.
Examples of affirmations:
# The anger of today is the remorse of tomorrow
# If you are patient in one moment of anger, you will escape a hundred days of sorrow. Chinese Proverb.
# People who fly into a rage always make a bad landing
Examples of scriptures:
# Proverbs 16:32 : “He that is slow to anger is better than the mighty; and he that controls his temper than he who conquers a city”
# Proverbs 22:24,25 : “Do not make friends with a hot-tempered man, do not associate with one easily angered”
# Exodus 2:11-15 : In a sudden burst of anger Moses killed an Egyptian and had to flee for his life! It then took him 40 years of patiently, humbly tending sheep in the wilderness, with time to listen to the Voice of God instead of his own impulses, before he was ready for the slow, laborious, patient work of delivering the Hebrews from Egypt.
To summarize
@~@ Remember that anger++ = Danger
@~@ Neither express or suppress anger, but acknowledge it
@~@ Traffic signal technique
@~@ Remember that you can choose your response
@~@ Memorize affirmations / scriptures
How to use the real estate concept of Joint Tenancy & Tenancy-in-Common to explain your love to your children?
Recently, I use the concepts of Joint Tenancy and Tenancy-in-Common to help Annie makes peace with her childhood.
About Annie:
She was the eldest in the family.
In her childhood,
she sometimes happily shared her (relatively little) toys with her younger siblings.
Sometimes her younger sister would forcefully took it away from her
and their parents always seemed siding her sister’s.
In her teenage years,
regardless of Annie’s good academic results,
Her father told Annie that he had money to send her to a university,
but he generously supported the tertiary education (including post-graduate) of her younger sister and brother.
After many challenging years,
Annie eventually managed to complete her tertiary education well (without her father paying for her college fee),
secured a well paying job,
and get married.
She has been understanding that the economic situation of the family was different before and then.
However, she subconsciously harbors an anger to her father,
and she only realized it through an incident where her father forced her to surrender her hat to her sister.
Looking back,
she laughed at it,
it was like a little girls fighting for a toy.
Annie was gracious enough to buy extra hat for her sister,
but she was hurt by her father’s action.
Annie has always worked hard to be successful in all her endeavors of life.
From her stellar academic performance to her high commitment for her career,
she is a role model for her sister and brother.
However, her life is not easy.
Looking for an outsider’s perspective,
her life seems the toughest one among her siblings,
because she had and has to fight alone much earlier than her siblings.
Being raised in a traditional Eastern family,
Annie has been instilled with the concept of filial piety since early days of her life.
Her rules include:
"It is wrong for children to be angry to their father."
"Being angry to your parents is unfilial."
While her rules create a filial child for her parents, but it is not healthy to her.
What Annie can do now include:
Acknowledge her feeling of angry.
Anger helps us to assert our rights.
It is OK to be angry as long as one does neither suppress nor express it*.
It is OK to be angry for a short period of time. After all, our time on earth is too short to be wasted on things that we can do nothing about (e.g. those happened in the past).
Expressing anger only creates a vicious cycle.
Nobody likes angry man / woman.
In short,
suppressing anger hurts yourself.
expressing anger hurts others.
Forgive her parents (and her siblings).
According the Florence Scovel Shinn, the law forgiveness can overcome the law of cause & effect.
Perhaps (in her speculation), in her past life, Annie had been unfair to her own children.
Her father was also perhaps a victim of his mother.
Louise Hay said, "We are all victims of victims".
Forgiveness allows you to release you from the past unhappiness.
Do not let your unhappy past determines your presence.
Affirm herself positively.
In a children book by Louise Hay and Kristina Tracy, af-fir-ma-tion is defined as words that you think or say, and believe to be true.
Examples of good affirmations:
Those who hurt you in the past can no longer hurt you now.
I am a worthy individual because of who I am, not because of what I am capable of achieving and earning.
I do not need the approval of others (including Dad’s approval) for me to feel worthy.
I seek no approval of other people.
How is about setting boundaries?
Annie shared with me that she feels better with less interactions with her father.
As long as she knows that her father is healthy,
she is contented.
Honestly, I am still trying to figure out if this is the a good strategy for her.
After all,
no single approach works for everyone.
From Annie’s life story,
I learn the importance of explaining our undivided share of love to each of our children.
According to Lucy Beresford in her book Happy Relationships at Home, Work & Play,
your 1st child may feel ‘dethroned’ with the arrival of his younger sibling.
It is important to let your first child understand that
your Love is infinite.
Your love to each of your children is whole of what you are capable of loving.
This is like Joint Tenancy,
in which 2 or more owners are seen as ONE entity.
But attention & time are definite.
The more children a family have,
the smaller (but ideally equal) share (of attention & time) that each of the children receive.
This is like Tenancy-in-Common,
in which for equal share of ownership,
the increase in the number of owners,
will reduce the percentage of share of each owner.
However, unequal share is also possible in the co-ownership by Tenancy-in-Common.
The same goes for family,
although parents try to be fair,
and say that they are doing their best to be fair,
human beings are biased.
That’s why parental’s favoritism ^ exists .
This sounds unfair!
However, living means learning to endure injustice (when you cannot fight it) and fight for justice that matters.
^ Parental’s favoritism may exists because of e.g. a father / a mother may favor a child (over another) because the child is more similar to him / her in look / characters / personalities (e.g. personality clash).
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How to travel while breastfeeding?
How to travel while breastfeeding, either with or without your baby?
How to fly breast milk?
Can I pump or breastfeed on a flight?
Note : The water on some airplanes may have coliform bacteria so please do not use it to clean your pumping equipment or bottles.
Tips :
1. Pre-sterilized your pumping equipment if you need to pump on a flight.
2. request bottled water (but may not be 100% safe as well).
For a 6-day (inclusive of the days of flying in and out) travel.
To bring:
# pre-sterilized breast milk plastic bags. I use Nanny & Medela brands. While traveling, I intend to pump 3x daily, though I pump 4x now, so I prepare 4 x 6 = 24 bags.
# a cloth to cover.
# a copy of birth cert (in the event that the security staff needs further verification).
# baby dishwashing liquid & a foam to wash the equipment.
# universal adaptor (mine also includes a USB port for charging mobile phone).
# power point & fully charged battery (tentatively buy at destination).
# Medela pump.
# a tube & a 1-to-2 homemade connector.
# breast shields, placed in stainless steel container for easy sterilization.
# Royce ice cooler & cooler bag.
# Plan A : If there is a baby who wants my breast milk, I would be very happy to donate to him / her.
Remember the melanin tainted powdered milk for baby? My breast milk is safe.
# Plan B : bring back the frozen breast milk for my baby.
Where are the nursing rooms?
Changi Airport
Terminal 1
# Near gate holdroom C24 at Departure Transit Lounge West, Level 2
# Near gate holdroom D36 at Departure Transit Lounge East, Level 2
# Near Kaboom retail outlet at Departure Transit Lounge West, Level 2
# Arrival Hall West, Public Area, Level 1
Terminal 2
# Near gate holdroom E1 at Departure Transit Lounge North, Level 2
# Departure Transit Lounge South, Level 2
# Near Check-in Row 7, Departure Check-in Hall Central, Public Area, Level 2
Terminal 3
# Arrival Hall Central, Level 1
# Near Check-in Row 6, Departure Check-in Hall Central, Level 2
# At both sides of Departure Immigration Central, Level 2
# Departure Check-in Hall North, Level 2
# Departure Transit Lounge North, Level 2
# Departure Transit Lounge North, Level 2
# Next to gate holdroom B1 – B4 at Departure Transit Lounge North, Level 2
# Inside gate holdroom B1 – B4 at Departure Transit Lounge North, Level 2
# Next to gate holdroom B9 at Transit North Pier, Level 2
# Departure Transit Lounge South, Level 2
# Departure Transit Lounge South, Level 2
# Next to gate holdroom A1 – A8 at Departure Transit Lounge South, Level 2
# Inside gate holdroom A1 – A8 at Departure Transit Lounge South, Level 2
# Inside bus gate A6 – A8 at Departure Transit Lounge South, Level 1
# Next to gate holdroom A21 at Departure Transit Lounge South Pier, Level 2
# Outside gate holdroom A16 – A20 at Departure Transit Lounge South, Level 2
# Inside gate holdroom A16 – A20 at Departure Transit Lounge South, Level 2
According to bumblebeemum.wordpress.com,
power point is Available inside nursing room.
China Nanjing Lukou International Airport
According to breastfeedinganywhere.wordpress.com:
apart from the baby-nursing necessities, the nursing room also provides books and toys for the needs of children of different ages. It is located at the Departures Domestic Concourse.
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How to read story books to children? 13 fun loving tips
Strickland Gililan (1869-1954) in the Reading Mother:
“You may have tangible wealth untold;
Caskets of jewels and coffers of gold.
Richer than I you can never be –
I have a mother who read to me.”
@~@ Read with love
When we read to our children,
we are sending them a message of love:
“I love you and give you one of the most valuable gifts I have —
my time and uncompromising attention.”
@~@ Easy way : tell a story out of a book.
@~@ Reserve a regular time and place for reading together.
For my children, I set aside a minimum of 10 minutes per day (no matter how busy I am) for reading together.
This way, you can make reading a habit.
@~@ Allow your little ones to sit on your laps, to snuggle up to you.
@~@ Read s-l-o-w-l-y.
@~@ Read with animation : e.g. use different voices for different character.
@~@ Point to the / parts of the illustrations / visuals. Follow the text with your finger as you read.
@~@ Ask (stimulating / inspiring) questions. Remember that there is no right / wrong answer.
@~@ Allow your child to re-tell the story, can use the illustrations as aids.
@~@ Recreate the story through activities such as drawing, drama, music or role playing.
@~@ Reward your children when they identify good values, emulate / copy good behaviors from the characters in the stories.
@~@ Use the illustrations / visuals in the books to trigger imagination in storytelling.
@~@ For Chinese comprehension, insert a space in between words in sentences, just like white space in English sentences.
@~@ Visit library / attend storytelling sessions.
@~@ It’s OK to repeat. Children love stories that they wills still love them even if we read to them for more than 10 times.
More:
# email “2013 Parent-Child Reading & Brain-based Reading Strategies”
# Reading for children
Good luck!
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Apprenticeship, fatherhood and expensive college education
Today, a salesperson approached me on my way back to home.
The friendly salesperson was promoting a union membership.
However, I just signed up online for the membership last month.
His son was sitting nearby, playing a toy car by himself.
The salesman sadly said (while looking at his son), "Nobody takes care of him, so I have to bring him here."
The weather was not that hot when I met this salesperson, but I imagined it would be tiring to sit under the hot sun if he had to do his work since this morning or even afternoon.
One may feel sorry for the boy, however if we try to reframe our perspective positively, the boy is actually doing "apprenticeship."
The father is also enjoying both an opportunity to work (hence earn an income) and to accompany his son.
I wish I could help this salesperson to earn a commission, but I can only offer my prayer quietly in my heart. I pray that he will earn sufficient to raise his family, that his son will grow up appreciating his father’s hard work.
@~@
J was sharing with me that in the near future when she is going out to be a salesperson, she is going to bring her toddler.
Her toddler has a talent to make people happy through his charming smile.
J said, "this is not a child labor, this is nurturing her child to prepare for the future competitive world".
J was concerned that her child would grow up to be a spoil brat so she wants her son to respect and value hard work (and of course smart work) and everyday people who do hard work, through apprenticeship under her.
Not every child is the same.
Indeed, every human being is unique.
Yes, you are unique.
So are your progenies.
Today education system has been inspired from the Industrial Revolution,
when efficient and relatively submissive trainees are desirable.
However, our world is evolving;
our learning and education systems must evolve too.
I strongly agree with J on 因材施教^.
^ 因材施教 means to educate someone (a learner / a student / a child) according to his / her personality, aptitude and merits.
Moreover, the constantly increasing cost of college education is worrying and driving us to find alternative avenues to develop the knowledge and skills required for employment or self-employment.
To quote Hannah Seligson of The New York Times, some employers complain that many colleges don’t teach the kinds of technical skills they want in entry-level hires.
Is it worth for parents to sacrifice their retirement funds after they worked all their sweats, tears, and even blood, to fund for their children’s education?
This was what going on in the mind of Steve Job when he quit colleges,
but how many adult children do think like him?
Sadly, there are cases where children do not care about their parents after being funded for college education.
Although apprenticeships has been offered as alternative to college, my personal belief (as of this summer of 2013) includes:
1. it is essential for our trainee / progeny / children / protege to attend colleges where they can interact, network, build long-lasting relationships with their peer and lectures.
Completing a college education has been strong social economic enablers for many people with previously disadvantage backgrounds.
2. it is also essential for our trainee to undertake apprenticeships and to train under a master, if possible the best master.
There are things that one cannot learn merely by reading, one must experience the real world.
3. It is also essential for our trainee to undertake online courses / MOOC such as Coursera, edX, Udacity. This initiative is geared toward developing one into an independent learner and thinker.
As Stephen Covey mentioned, only those who are independent (not the dependent) can be co-dependent / cooperate / collaborate to perform complex tasks / projects.
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Safety in pregnancy
NO to caffeine.
Caffeine (found in coffee, tea, soft drinks, chocolate) readily enteres the baby’s bloodstream and accumulates in the brain.
When I knew that I was pregnant in my 1st pregnancy, I started to abstain from cofee, tea and soft drinks.
NO to alcohol. Beware of food with alcohol, e.g. tiramisu.
NO to chemicals.
Organic solvents used in dry cleaning can pass through placenta.
Pregnant women who are exposed to organic solvents at the workplace (e.g. laboratory technicians, factory workers, professionals artists / chemists) may also place their developing baby at a greater risk of developing birth defects.
Avoid chemical finishes e.g. stain repellents, flame retardants, paint / DIY products which emit fumes.
Avoid chemical air fresheners.
Avoid heavily scented cleaning products e.g. dishwashing liquids, floor cleaners, washing powders, pesticides.
NO to hair dyes / perms.
Remember that pregnant mothers are blooming beautifully, you do not need to change the color of your hair to feel beautiful.
NO to cigarette.
Avoid smokers. Exposure to as few as 2 hours a day of 2nd hnd smoke also significantly increases the risk of having a low-birth-weight baby.
NO to deep-tissue massage e.g. foot reflexology, Shiatsu.
No to sp treatments that raise pregnant mothers’ body temperature e.g. body wraps, sauna.
YES to exercise.
Walking is highly recommended for at least the 1st 2 trimesters.
When in doubt, always consult your doctor.
Related:
How to achieve pregnancy (Billings method) in the Dragon year?
Early signs of pregnancy
Challenges in pregnancy
Stay positive, be protective in pregnancy
Improve your lifestyle in pregnancy.
Checklist for week 20 scan during pregnancy.
Insurance.
Food for pregnancy:
soup of Beet root, Carrot, and Dates
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