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I wish you abundant happiness, health & wealth

Posts Tagged ‘self-help

What are people emotionally hungry for?

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According to Les Giblin, the author of Confidence and Power in Dealing with People, people are hungry for:
Admiration
Affirmation
Approval
Appreciation
Acceptance

When Blueroselady loves herself, she will be able to love others.
When Blueroselady likes herself, she will be able to like others.
Thus, Blueroselady is constantly improving herself.
Self-help
Instead of seeking admiration, affirmation, approval, appreciation and acceptance from other people, Blueroselady constantly provides them to herself.

People are more pleased at a compliment if we praise them for something that is not glaringly obvious.
Praise the ACTIVITY / action / performance / job, not the person. This way of praising is more specific and sincere.
Similarly, if we must give constructive criticism,
criticize the ACTIVITY / action / performance / job, not the person. This way of criticizing is impersonal.

Do not compete with other people to make ourselves seem better / more important at their expense.
Never criticize someone in front of someone else.
Do not speak negatively about ANYTHING (including our competitors). People do not like negative people.

Related:
How not to listen to non-constructive criticism?
How to play the game of life?
The 10 most important things
Leadership

Written by blueroselady

October 16, 2012 at 3:52 pm

How to play the game of life?

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In the 3rd weekdays of September 2012, I finished reading a classic entitled "The game of life and how to play it" written by Florence Scovel Shinn which was published in 1925, that was 87 years ago!
Due to different era of writing, honestly I do not understand every detail that she wrote, but I am so grateful that I grasp the most important essences.

Every game has rules:
Forgiveness law*. Quickly apply this law when you are erred / angry / disappointed.
Karma / cause-and-effect law. Reading horoscopes / bazi (八字) deals only with the cause-and-effect law, but a very strong mind can neutralize a prophecy of evil. For example, a horoscope reader once told my mother that she will live until 65. I do not believe it. Knowing how positive my mother is in her thought (she survived and overcame disasters and deaths calmly), I believe that she will live a much longer life with her healthy mind and body. God, I pray to you to take care the woman I love most.
Expectancy law*
Gratitude / appreciation law*
Divine protection law*. This law is useful to deal with the fear of forgetfulness. I cannot lose anything that belong to me. Anything lost, will be returned, or I will receive its equivalent.
Prosperity law*
Substitution law

Our thoughts significantly affect our lives.
What we imagine, sooner or later externalize.
Therefore, I strive to always think positive.
Sometimes, when you read self-help book, you will find some negative examples.

But the good news is positive thoughts and affirmations are many times more powerful than negative thoughts.
If you realize that you are thinking something negatively, quickly replace them with positive thoughts / affirmations / explanations.

By understanding the game of life, we enjoy love, happiness, health, prosperity / wealth, and self-actualization / self-expression.
Believe that each of us has the power to bless, heal, and prosper.

According to Florence, we have
1. conscious mind
2. subconscious mind / soul
3. superconscious mind / spirit

Notes to apply in life (based on the book and Blueroselady’s interpretations):
To use my conscious mind to reject negative thoughts / beliefs / opinions but to promote positive thoughts.

Our conscious mind can be the best FILTER we have to select thoughts and ideas that BLESS, HEAL, INSPIRE, and FILL our soul with JOY.
The subsconscious mind does not understand humors, so please do not say / joke about negative things. The same advice was also given by Joseph Murphy in his 1963 book: The Power of Your Subconscious Mind.

The forgiveness law is stronger than the cause-and-effect law. Always seek forgiveness for our mistakes and forgive others.
To talk about only what we want, not what we do not want. To say words that heal, bless, or prosper. Do not complain, criticize, or gossip. What man condemns in others, he attracts to himself.

Say thanks for our blessings (gratitude / appreciation law) when we wake up and before we sleep.
To be prosperous, we must be orderly (e.g. then our finances can be in order). De-clutter our lives.
Give (gifts, tithe) with love and cheerfulness. Give without expecting returns / gratitude from others; but receive my gifts with happiness and gratitude (if one does not accept the returns of his kindness, one violates law for all gifts are from God and people are merely the channel). Do not think that the giver will suffer a lack as a result of giving to us, because we are giving the giver an opportunity to do an act of kindness.

How to impress our subconscious mind?
1. active faith. Faith = an effort of will.
2. music
3. making-believe (like little children)

Why is the forgiveness law is stronger than the cause-and-effect law?

1. God has redeemed us from the karma law.
2. The God within us is our Redeemer and Savior.
3. If our past wrong cannot be righted, its effect can be neutralized by doing an act of kindness in the present.

Why is it important to say thanks for our blessings when we wake up and before we sleep?
1. Man often suffers loss through lack of appreciation. For example, a man who says he does not care about his marriage (to a nice wife) ends up losing his wife because his subconscious mind works to get him unmarried. Do not be indifferent / critical / unispiring to your partner, because this means you do not appreciate / are note grateful for your partner.

2. Being grateful allows me to be in equilibrium / HARMONY with my desire, hope, and ambitions.

On the importance of the HARMONY:
We must be in harmony with a thing in order to attract it.

2 attitudes of mind cause loss:
1. lack of appreciation / gratitude. For example, a man who does not appreciate his wife and losing her.
2. fear of loss. This fear makes a picture of loss in the subconscious.

INTUITION
intuition = to be taught from within.

Ask, and it shall be given you,
seek, and ye shall find,
knock, and it shall be opened unto you.
(Mat 7:7)

A real simple example of this Bible phrase is when I find a seat on crowded trains for most of the time.
I always go to the platform with less people (applying the SEEK).
While waiting for the train to come, I pray that there will be a seat for me (expectancy law).

Sometimes, there will be an empty seat for me because someone just get down when I board the train.
Sometimes, a kind person gives his / her seat for me. I try my best to thank the person twice, when I sit down and when I leave the train (gratitude law). I do not think that I am depriving the person a seat because I am giving an opportunity for the person to do an act of kindness. Moreover, not many people bother to thank others twice. In doing so, I hope that I can encourage more kindness.

Sometimes, people will just continue reading newspapers / playing with their IT gadgets / returning to sleep (in the seat reserved for pregnant women!), even though they may see my pregnant tummy. This can be challenging when I am tired / dizzy, yet I tell myself to practice the forgiveness law. These people may also be tired from working whole day.

I pray that an empty seat will become available by the next station.
Because I cannot move fast, someone may arrive at that desired seat faster than me.
In this case (applying the ASK), I say "sorry, can you please let me sit? Thank you".

Most time people will give the seat to me.
Of course the person can say No, but I believe that I will be safe throughout my journey (divine protection law).

Ask with faith (believing).
Desire without worry.

Act as if I have already received (prosperity, health, happiness).

We can control any situation if we can control ourselves.
When one loses his temper, he loses his power.

No man can fail, if a person sees him successful.

Therefore, we often hear the saying, behind every successful man, there is a woman (his wife).
Behind successful Blueroselady, there is a man who believes in Blueroselady’s ability to succeed.
The same thing goes when we see (visualize) our parents, children, siblings, friends, proteges successful, then they cannot fail.

Parents, do not over worry about your children.
Why?
Children are sensitive and receptive to the thoughts of others around them, especially their parents.
When parents / grandparents over worry about their children, the little ones attract illnesses / accidents.

Instead, as a mother, I sincerely affirm that I puts my child in God’s hands and he is divinely protected (divine protection law).

Parents should never force careers and professions upon their children.
Let the God in the child has perfect expression.

Suppose you have several talents, how do you know which one to choose?
Affirm: Dear God, please give me a definite lead, reveal to me my perfect self-expression, show me which talent I am to make use now.

Fear less.
Why?
Man attracts what he fears.
See the tips on how to overcome fear.

An old saying:
No man is your enemy, no man is your friend, every man is your teacher.

Positive affirmations (to say daily):
God is love.
God is supply.
God is my unfailing supply, and large sums of money come to me quickly in perfect ways.
I puts my child in God’s hands and he is divinely protected (divine protection law).

As 1 door shuts, another door opens.
Dear God, please give me a definite lead, reveal to me my perfect self-expression, show me which talent I am to make use now.
I have a wonderful work (business), in a wonderful way, I give wonderful service, for wonderful pay (income).

More positive affirmations are here.

Written by blueroselady

September 22, 2012 at 6:25 am

Plans for progenies

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Universal Children’s Day takes place on November 20 annually. First proclaimed by the United Nations General Assembly in 1954, it was established to encourage all countries to institute a day, firstly to promote mutual exchange and understanding among children and secondly to initiate action to benefit and promote the welfare of the world’s children.

Since today is a children’s day, I have some ideas on what I want our future progenies to enjoy.

# Let them attend Sunday schools, be good and loving human beings.

# Teach them self-help. Nobody is going to help them forever, they have to help themselves.

# Guide them to protect themselves from pedophiles, kidnappers, etc.

# Learn at least 4 languages. English, Chinese Mandarin, and Spanish, as well as the language of my birthland. Correction in summer 2010: probably Hindi, even if most Indians speak and write English very well, knowing Hindi is a step closer to understand and befriend with them. Correction in new year 2011: probably Arabic.

# Learn how to swim. Dear does not know how to swim, I am a bit reluctant to bring him to sea. I myself can’t swim far and only dare to swim in swimming pool.

# For XX, learn to dance so that she will move gracefully.

# For XY and XX, learn self-defence / martial arts. You will never know what you will encounter in life. Dec 2011: I was sad and angry reading a story: a young promising boy was murdered by his robber because he resisted. The boy looks like my younger brother, and many of us can see our young ones in him. I must not let anger continue, let the law of universe do the justice. I wonder why some people can be so heartless to take away human life. God, please help his parents in the moment of deep sadness. We have to teach our future generations on when to defend, when to run away (yes, for survival).

# Participate in costumes parties / carnivals with other children. Live up the fantasy. When I was a kid, I love Disney princesses so much – for they are so beautiful and loved. I also like the happy-go-lucky Donald Duck. As a kid, I dreamed of visiting Disneyland. The dream was realized at Paris Disney at the last hours of 2008 and the early hours of 2009.

# Photograph them at least once every month, measure their growth, change their hairstyle once a year.

# For XX (girls), must learn MAKE-UP (highly essential) and fashion. Good if she knows how to sew (lesson from CSY, see books2011.txt). First impression does count, so if they are beautiful, they will attract potential men who love them. Mum did not really teach me, thanks to make-up gurus and magazines whom I have learned from and acquired inspirations from.

# FINANCIAL INDEPENDENCE (frugality in spending, virtues in saving and investing). Like your maternal grandparents, we are only going to fund your education until A-level. If you want to attend a university, you have to fight for your own admission, scholarship, or study loan. You can start earning $ when you are a baby (as a model), a child , a teen (as a babysitter) and please tell others that you are happily and willingly doing all the work.

# Respect and better understand all individuals, regardless of occupation or income level.  Do manual labour as their work experience, so that they can relate with good people who are working hard for an honest wage and doing many of us favors. Be kind, for example, a simple “thank you” from a little kid or a young teen can make the day for a tired bus driver or toilet cleaner.

Written by blueroselady

November 20, 2011 at 12:18 am

Book: The Seven habits of Highly Effective People

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Author: Stephen Covey

PARADIGMS & PRINCIPLES

Pygmalion effect = self-fulfilling prophecies.
Whether you think you can or whether you think you can’t, you’re right – Henry Ford. p7.

Blueroselady 7Hs:
Healthy
Hopeful
Happy
Harmonious
Humble
Hardworking
Helpful

Your attitude determines your altitude.
Smiling wins more friends than frowning.
Whatever the mind of man can conceive and believe it can achieve.

cultivated internal sources of security so that our own feelings of worth were not dependent on our children’s “acceptable” behavior. p8.

The term Paradigm Shift was introduced by Thomas Kuhn in his highly influential landmark book, The Structure of Scientific Revolutions.
Newtonian model was partial, incomplete!

Many people experience a similar fundamental shift in thinking when they face a life-threatening crisis and suddenly see their priorities in a different light, or when they suddenly step into a new role, such as that of husband or wife, parent or grandparent, manager or leader. p14.

once children gain a sense of real possession, they share very naturally, freely, and spontaneously. p19.

there are times to teach and times not to teach.

If you want to have a more pleasant, cooperative teenager, be a more understanding, empathic, CONSISTENT, loving parent.

We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit. — Aristotl. p22.

a habit = the intersection of knowledge, skill, and desire.

INTERDEPENDENCE: we — we can do it: we can cooperate; we can combine our talents and abilities and create something greater together. p23.

If I were emotionally dependent, my sense of worth and security would come from your opinion of me.

My sense of worth would not be a function of being liked or treated well. p24.

If I am emotionally interdependent, I derive a great sense of worth within myself, but I also recognize the need for love, for giving, and for receiving love from others.

If I am intellectually interdependent, I realize that I need the best thinking of other people to join with my own.

In our quest for short-term returns, or results, we often ruin a prized physical asset — a car, a computer, a washer or dryer, even our body or our environment.

Our most important financial asset is our own capacity to earn.

Blueroselady: LITTLE KINDNESS and COURTESIES are so important to a deep relationship. p26.

You can go for the golden egg of popularity, of pleasing your children, giving them their way all the time. Then they grow up without a personal commitment to being disciplined or responsible.

There are organizations that talk a lot about the customer and then completely neglect the people that deal with the customer — the employees. p28.
Blueroselady: When I set up my enterprise, I will treat my employees like my customers.

Blueroselady: In order to be a good learner, one has to be a good teacher. Share or discuss what you learn with someone else within 2 days after you learn it.

Define yourself from within, rather than by people’s opinions or by comparisons to others.

In the words of Thomas Paine, “That which we obtain too easily, we esteem too lightly. It is dearness only which gives everything its value. Heaven knows how to put a proper price on its goods.”

Written by blueroselady

May 29, 2011 at 3:30 pm

Posted in book, pyschology

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The Power of Enthusiasm

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The difference in actual skill, ability and intelligence between those who succeed and those who fail is usually neither wide nor striking. But if people are equally matched, the one with enthusiasm will have the scales tipped in his or her favor. The best way to get someone excited about an idea or a project is to be excited yourself and to show it.

Loudness does not constitute enthusiasm, nor does pounding the table, or jumping up and down. It is fake, it does not fool anyone. Enthusiasm is an intrinsic feeling, a feeling that has to come from inside our soul. It is not to be confused with boisterous (热闹) hype. It is true increased physical movement and stronger voice projection sometimes accompany an inner feeling of enthusiasm.

We cannot fake enthusiasm, but YES we can create, nourish enthusiasm and put it to work for us. The way to acquire enthusiasm is to BELIEVE what we are doing and BELIEVE IN OURSELVES, and to WANT TO GET SOMETHING DEFINITELY ACCOMPLISHED.

Enthusiasm is easiest to attain when we have REAL GOALS in our life, things we are genuinely looking forward to. Let that happen and enthusiasm will grow inside us. Wake up and think about something pleasing that will happen today. To achieve real success, we have to be excited by our life and our work.

If a person is feeling bored with life, the people around will be falling asleep as well.
If a person is sarcastic and antagonistic, they will be too.
If a person is lukeworm, they will never boil.

Enthusiasm is made of two parts: (1) PASSION, (2) CONFIDENCE.

Always surround ourselves with successful happy people. Those people’s attributes will become a part of us.

Enthusiasm is as important as high ability and hard work.
We all know people who are brilliant and accomplish nothing,
we all know people who work hard and get no where.
People who can work hard and be enthusiastic, they are going places!

Thanks to Global Humanitas

Written by blueroselady

August 20, 2010 at 1:00 am