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I wish you abundant happiness, health & wealth

Posts Tagged ‘fear

A life lesson from a fallen fruit cart: resilience

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The inspiration below is adapted from the story shared by Subroto Bagchi, a co-founder & CEO of MindTree Consulting.

Imagine a busy road junction in a developing country (e.g. China, India, Indonesia) during the peak hour.
The smoke from vehicles.
The burning hot sun.
The dust that hurts eyes.
Everyone is rushing and rushing.
But it has become worse on a particular day.
A fruit seller’s cart has overturned.

His fruits are everywhere on the street floor.
The rushing vehicles are crushing his fruits.
His business for today is over.

Everyday, he woke up at 4 am before dawn or sunrise,
to buy his commodity from the wholesale market.
Then, he walked pushing his cart over a long distance.
Commodity like fruit is easily perishable,
he must sell them by the day.
Sometimes, he has not been successful because of bad weather.
Sometimes, he consumes the left-overs.
Sometimes, he just gives them away.
When unfortunate things like today happen,
he losses his capital,
and has to borrow more money from moneylender – who normally charges neck-choking interests.

Reading his story is like a wake-up call for my friend S who forward it to me.
S has a comfortable job, with stable salary, bonuses, and health insurance.
However, she often finds herself worrying about the future.
Her progress has been slow mainly because of her maternity leave and feeling of inadequate.
I asked S what the worst that can happen?
Her job contract will not be renewed.
Then, I asked S if this means that she can explore possible endeavors that she always dreams of but was too afraid to explore.

Unlike the fruit cart seller who has no financial safety net,
S still has some savings that can last her for at least half a year,
a supportive spouse.
What S needs more is resilience that she can learn from the entrepreneurial fruit cart seller to deal with life.

Written by blueroselady

October 29, 2013 at 4:01 pm

Happiness exercise: Describe yourself in positive ways

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Happiness means differently to different people.
To some people,
happiness means a combination of the followings:# Finding love & happily married
# Having children, grandchildren, great grandchildren
# Good health
# Be financially well-off
# Enjoying a successful career
# Ability to maintain work-life harmony
# Happy relationships with extended family (ie. parents, grandparents, siblings, nephews, etc)
# Fulfilling friendships
# Making a difference to the world. You laugh … yes, many people, including me, set their dreams so high (and hence raising the standards of attaining their happiness).

To sum up, happiness is fundamentally related to health, wealth, and children.

Since happiness is related to so wide and diverse areas of our lives, how can we work on each area of importance to us? How to prioritize?
I believe in exercises / practice. It takes 10,000 hours of practice to give birth to a real talent.
Sincerely, I want you to master the art and science of happiness,
so that you can choose to be happy
even in the face of difficult circumstances and being overwhelmed by negative emotions.

In my designed series of happiness exercises, I would share numerous effective and tested exercise to enjoy happiness in your life.

Today exercise is to describe yourself in positive ways. Write to yourself. List your favorite attributes, your achievements, your roles, your love, and anything elseo about you.

Herein, I do the exercise on myself (in the autumn of 2013)

I am …
# a mother
# a daughter
# a wife
# a student of Coursera, edX
# a researcher
# a storyteller
# an author
# an ex-artist

I love …
# people who love me & whom I love.
You can never replace anyone because everyone is made up of such beautiful specific details.” Before Sunset (2004)
# food (especially healthy affordable food and desserts)
# simplicity
# diversity
# reading (and writing) and hence books
# gardens & parks in spring & summer, in early mornings & late afternoons
# philosophy of life
# giving smiles, talks in front of groups
# learning diverse things. I believe in the “See one, Do one, Teach one” model.
# dreams
# personal development, making a syllabus for life / bucket list / life planning
# entrepreneurship + unconventional work
# (and honestly sometimes fear) change / dynamics.
The only constant is change, continuing change, inevitable change, that is the dominant factor in society today. No sensible decision can be made any longer without taking into account not only the world as it is, but the world as it will be.” Isaac Asimov

I used to love …
# travel
# photography
# fireworks
# movies
But now they are not on top of my priorities.

People who have inspired me (non-exhaustively) include:
# Anthony Robbins
# Cayden Chang
# Chris Guillebeau
# Danah Zohar
# Dale Carnegie
# Dong Mingzhu 董明珠
# Goldie Hawn
# Jean Maalouf
# Jessie Louise Yancey-Siegel, affectionately known as Weezie
# Josh Kaufmann
# Joseph Murphy
# Leo Babauta
# Leong Kaiwen
# Louise Hay
# Luciano Passuello
# Michael Ellsberg
# Napoleon Hill
# Robert Cialdini
# Tahir
# Thich Nhat Hanh
# Tim Ferriss
These people are my brothers / sisters, my mentors, my dearest friends.

Things that I want to have / have more / give more to others:
@~@ Happiness
@~@ Health
@~@ Optimism & Hope
@~@ Gratitude
@~@ Kindness e.g. smile
@~@ Empathy e.g. a listening ear
@~@ Wealth
@~@ Wisdom
@~@ Courage e.g. to make new friends

Things that I want to remove / reduce :
@~@ Fear
@~@ Sadness
@~@ Anger
@~@ Envy / Jealousy
@~@ Clutters
@~@ Disappointment

Written by blueroselady

October 2, 2013 at 11:20 am

DO what you LOVE, LOVE what you DO

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Do what you love and love what you do sound simple, but appear complex in practice.

How many of us do what we love for most time of our lives?
How many of us love what we do for most of our doings?
For many people across different ages and roles of life, here are possibilities:
Dreams change.
Goals change.
Plans Change.

Do you love a doing because you are good at the doing?
Would you still love the doing if you are not (yet) good at the doing)?
Would you still love the doing if you are not (yet) good at the doing (even after 10,000 hours of practice)?

A quote by Steve Jobs shared by Jeff Moore:
"The only way to do great work is to love what you do.
If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking.
Don’t settle.
As with all matters of the heart,
you’ll know when you find it."

When I was in high school,
I love (or perhaps prefer) science subjects because my linguistic skills are limited (reason #1).
Apparently and consequently, I did better in maths, chemistry, biology, physics than in language subjects. People love doing things whereby we have a sense of mastery, do you feel so as well?

My native Chinese-speaking classmates who have learned writing and reading since early age, are at ease in the Chinese class.
My Eurasian classmates who have a native speaking father / mother, or those who have English-educated parents, seem to write English so fluently.
They had read thick novels / non-fiction books and easily won the essay writing and elocution competitions.
For me,
to write an essay in English or Chinese,
I had to start from simple structures.
When I have an exam topic of essay to write,
I would quickly jot down some ideas in point form and elaborated on them later as my writing progressed.
Normally, I would write explanatory or argumentative essays, and very rarely narrative essays, simply because of my limited vocabularies.

Reason #2
There are high certainty in science subject exams.
1+1=2. If the answers are right now, they will be right tomorrow.
We love things that we do well.

But in real life (including the real scientific fields as my scientist acquaintances point out),
the rules of game are uncertain.
The rules are not constant; change is the rule of the rules.
That’s why life is the only known example of infinite game is life, according to James P. Carse.
On contrary, examples of finite games are debates, sports, schools, receiving a degree from an educational institution, belonging to a society, or engaging in war.

The surprise in infinite game is the triumph of the future over the past.
So, when you are uncertain about what to do next, an easy step is to
always choose infinite games.

Winning should not be the final goal because after winning, the game stops.
Life is a game that is meant to be continuously played.
Aunt Florence shared some profound advice on how to play the game of life, you may want (and I need) to revise and remember them,
as resilient shortcuts in the moments of negative feelings and events.

Although I honestly feel that my writing is still not up to standard (set through social comparisons with people of similar professional credentials to mine and authors whom I admire),
I will continue writing.
I think this is an example of "DO what you LOVE".

Sometimes we may have to do things that we are not interested, so it is hard to love what we do.
However, the good news are interests are malleable,
they are formed through our past experiences (including education),
so we can change them through learning and unlearning.
Revealingly, you can re-program your minds and interests through conscious efforts,
this attempt will also beneficial to discard some preferences that we would not want to have if we think carefully about them but others manage to incept on us — think of the 2010 science fiction film entitled Inception.

For example, I know a number of people who have focused greatly on their careers,
hate doing house chores or parenting tasks,
but I believe that if they want to,
with right conscious efforts to shift their interests,
they can love what they do.

How to continue love what you do (even if you feel tired / bored / disappointed / frustrated) ?
My friend Tracy suggests using positive feedback loop.
You can establish positive feedback loop when the rewards / pleasure of your doing outweigh the sacrifices / pain.

To DO what you LOVE, you need willpower and courage.
To LOVE what you DO, you need positive feedback and inner security.

Inner security that I means here is not worrying so much about achieving certain levels of success.

More real-world examples:
# Joanna: becoming a mother at age 48
# My friend Leo highlights that people rule out the possibility of great change, because it appears unrealistic.

Finally,
"Do what you love, love what you do & deliver more than you promise!" ~ Harvey Mackay

Written by blueroselady

September 25, 2013 at 4:56 am

Reflections on love: Happy Valentine 2013

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Love means giving in without giving up.

Being in love produces the same physiological responses as fear: pupil dilation, sweaty palms, and increased heart rate.

Men who kiss their wives each morning live 5 years longer than those who don’t.

Medical experts suggest you are more likely to catch a common cold by shaking hands than by kissing.

Love and marriage are boosts for your health, so much so that one doctor admitted that if a new drug had the same impact, virtually every doctor in the country would be recommending it.

“Marriage is 3 parts love and 7 parts forgiveness of sins,” Lao Tzu observed.

Do you believe in love at first sight?
According to research, love at first sight is not just a fairy tale. If a person is in the right emotional frame of mind, it can take as little as 30 seconds to fall in love. Physical appearance tops he list for attraction, but a desire to know more about t person is another factor. Interestingly, men fall first but are usually the most fickle, a sign that it is possible to fall in love with more than a person at a time.

In my darkest moment I found my brightest light. I am so glad I found you.

I not only love you, but love that you love me.

A reflection on universal love through a Swedish proverb,
“Love me when I least deserve it, because that’s when I really need it.”
The worst, ugliest, dirtiest, most annoying human being we have encountered is probably the one that we have to love most, because s/he is the one who needs our love or compassion most.

I will tell my children, “when the going gets tough, remember: your mother loves you.”

I love this quote by Antoine De Saint-Exupery:
“Perhaps friendship is the process of my leading you gently back to yourself.”

I also love this quote by Vincent van Gogh:
“The more I think it over, the more I feel that there is nothing more truly artistic than to love people.”

Happy Valentine 2013, with love from Blueroselady.

Written by blueroselady

February 14, 2013 at 1:18 pm

How to overcome fear?

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Here are my answers to self-analysis questions given by Napoleon Hill to help me to overcome fear. I pray that I make progress to be less fearful and more courageous.

I love the fact that:

  1. I have many dreams.
  2. I am grateful for what I have now.
  3. I am gaining self-confidence as I grow older.

Therefore, I always see my life as hopeful.

I take full responsibility for my life.

I do not complain often.

I do not find fault with other people at the slightest provocation.

I am not sarcastic and offensive in my conversation.

People whom I am grateful to:

  1. MR for his talents and dreams.
  2. SM for her love, practicality, resourcefulness.
  3. AM for his kindness and genius.
  4. MT for her love, greater purpose. I put her photo at a place I can see daily at home.

My strategies:

  1. Every morning and every night, I make use of auto-suggestion to make my mind positive.
  2. I constantly and consciously garner spiritual forces to keep my mind free from all forms of fear.
  3. To overcome the fear of poverty, I believe that as an educated and resourceful person, I will have no problem meeting my basic needs.
  4. To overcome the fear of criticism, I am grateful for constructive criticism. I am aware of the motives of criticism (jealousy, justification attempt by others).
  5. To overcome the fear of illness, I love myself.
  6. To minimize the feeling of self-pity, I think of my greater purpose.
  7. I am trying my best to shift my thinking towards success.
  8. Have you learned how to drown my problems by being too busy to be annoyed by them? Yes, in 1999, 2001, 2005-2006.
  9. I befriend, learn from and share with positive people.
  10. I try my best to avoid / minimize contact / shield from negative people.
  11. I am not easily influenced by others against my judgments. I make my own decision.
  12. Though I am compassionate by nature, I must be aware that it is not my duty to share other people’s worries.

Things to improve:

  1. I have to be more discipline for my definite major purpose.
  2. I suffer sometimes from indigestion. Solution: never let my stomach empty. Eat more often in smaller portions.
  3. I sometimes envious of those who excel me.
  4. My 3 most damaging weaknesses: bad temper, perfectionism, unforgiving.

Thank you: Think and Grow Rich

Written by blueroselady

May 26, 2012 at 8:35 am