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Are you / your loved one an INTJ? 39 thoughtful descriptions to strategically understand them

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To know your personality type,
you can do an instant self-guided assessment here.

A family friend Z who has been very kind to us and shares similar interest in stocks, appears to be an INTJ, I may be wrong, but I am highly interested to understand him, so that we can be a good, supportive friend of him.

Sometimes, I think that he can be an INFJ instead of INTJ because once he said the importance of making decisions by applying person-centered values.

Perhaps, a friend who kindly gave me a shelter in Boston is also an INTJ. Think of Gandalf and Vito Andolini Corleone of The Godfather by Mario Puzo.

@~@ perfectionist : INTJs have exceptionally high standards, and if they view a colleague or supervisor as incompetent or ineffective, respect will be lost instantly and permanently.

@~@ self-confidence that can be mistaken by others as arrogance

@~@ INTJs value personal initiative, determination, insight and dedication, and believe that everyone should complete their work to the highest possible standards
@~@ easily recognize patterns in events and establish thorough explanations
@~@ open-minded yet guarded
@~@ ambitious yet private
@~@ curious and deeply intrigued by all aspects of the human experience, but they do not squander their energy

@~@ pragmatic

@~@ analytical problem-solvers, eager to improve systems and processes with their innovative ideas

@~@ possess the unusual trait combination of imagination and reliability

@~@ INTJs use their creativity and imagination not so much for artistry, but for planning contingencies and courses of action for all possible scenarios.

@~@ spend a lot of time thinking; INTJs spend a lot of time inside their own minds, and may have little interest in the other people’s thoughts or feelings.

@~@ the architect / supreme strategists – always scanning available ideas and concepts and weighing them against their current strategy, to plan for every conceivable contingency
@~@ approach reality as they would a giant chess board, always seeking strategies that have a high payoff, and always devising contingency plans in case of error or adversity, constantly outmaneuvering their peers in order to maintain control of a situation while maximizing their freedom to move about.

@~@ values solitude

@~@ natural leaders, although they usually choose to remain in the background until they see a real need to take over the lead.
@~@ has a natural thirst for knowledge and enjoy sharing what they know; their primary interest is not understanding a concept, but rather applying that concept in a useful way.
@~@ simultaneously the most starry-eyed idealists and the bitterest of cynics
@~@ Rules, limitations and traditions are anathema to the INTJ personality type – everything should be open to questioning and reevaluation, and if they see a way, INTJs will often act unilaterally to enact their technically superior, sometimes insensitive, and almost always unorthodox methods and ideas.
@~@ useful to learn to simulate some degree of surface conformism in order to mask their inherent unconventionality; Authority figures do not impress INTJs, nor do social conventions or tradition, and no matter how popular something is, if they have a better idea, INTJs will stand against anyone they have to in a bid to have it changed.
@~@ less comfortable with the unpredictable nature of other people and their emotions.
@~@ INTJs are the most independent of all the sixteen types and take more or less conscious pride in that independence.
@~@ selective about their relationships, preferring to associate with people who they find intellectually stimulating.
@~@ Among types least likely to suffer heart disease and cardiac problems
@~@ Least likely of all the types to believe in a higher spiritual power
@~@ One of two types with highest college GPA
@~@ Among types with highest income
@~@ Personal values include Achievement
@~@ Of all types, least likely to state that they value Home/family, Financial security, Relationships & friendships, and Community service
@~@ Over-represented among MBA students and female small business owners
@~@ Commonly found in scientific or technical fields, computer occupations, and legal professions
@~@ gain the most satisfaction from turning their ideas into reality.
@~@ INTJ will never be comfortable with a truly public display of emotions
@~@ In friendship, INTJs are looking for more of an intellectual soul mate than anything else, and those that aren’t prepared for that kind of relationship are simply boring. INTJs need to share ideas – a self-feeding circle of gossip about mutual friends is no kind of social life for them. INTJ especially like to spend time with other Intuitive Thinkers, and also usually enjoy the company of Intuitive Feelers. These personality types love to theorize and speculate about ideas, and so can usually relate well to the INTJ, who loves to analyze ideas.
@~@ INTJs will keep up with just a few good friends, eschewing larger circles of acquaintances in favor of depth and quality. Having more than just a few friends would compromise INTJs’ sense of independence and self-sufficiency – they gladly give up social validation to ensure this freedom.
@~@ The sarcasm and dark humor of INTJ are not for the faint of heart, nor for those who struggle to read between the lines, but they make for fantastic story-telling among those who can keep up. This more or less limits their pool of friends to fellow Analysts (NT) and Diplomat (NF) types.
@~@ INTJs also recognize that life is often the best teacher, and they will tend to be fairly liberal, allowing their children to have their own adventures and make their own decisions, further developing these critical thinking skills.
@~@ INTJs prefer more "lone wolf" positions as mechanical or software engineers, lawyers or freelance consultants, only accepting competent leadership that helps in these goals
@~@ Efficiency and results are king to INTJs

Strengths:
Are not threatened by confrontation or criticism
Are self-confident
Place relationships and commitments as a high priority
Are very intelligent with lots of potential
Know when it is right to end a relationship
Always try to improve relationships
Are great listeners

Weaknesses:
Are out of tune with others’ feelings, resulting in possible insensitivity
Often respond to conflict with logic and reason, while lacking emotional involvement
Have difficulty expressing feelings and emotions
Possess a strong belief in their personal (informed) opinions
Lack the ability to accept blame
Possess a constant quest for improvement that may be difficult on relationships
Tend to restrict part of themselves

Suitable careers for INTJ:
Business Administrator
Corporate Strategist
Computer Programmer
Computer Specialist
Dentist
Entrepreneur
Engineer
Judge
Lawyer/Attorney
Military Officer
Manager
Medical Doctor
Organization Founder
Psychologist
Researcher
Scientist
Systems Analyst
Teacher/Professor

20150922

Written by blueroselady

September 22, 2015 at 8:29 pm

Are you / your loved one an ESFJ? ~26 simple descriptions to understand them

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To know your personality type,
you can do an instant self-guided assessment here.

A friend A, who has showered me with sisterhood’s love (that I have never ever imagined), is an ESFJ, I may be wrong, but I am highly interested to understand her, so that I can be a good, supportive friend of her. I am really grateful to her and wish that she will discover her happiness in romance and work.

@~@ ~ 12% people are ESFJ
@~@ quite popular / good with people, good at manipulating them (to achieve their own ends) while they believe that they are following a solid moral code of conduct.
@~@ good at reading others, and often change their own manner to be more pleasing to whoever they are with at the moment.
@~@ need to feel appreciated and know they’ve helped someone. altruistic
@~@ dislike conflict and criticism
@~@ well-organized
@~@ strongly need to be liked
@~@ need to be in control
@~@ do not mind monotony, routine work
@~@ place a lot of importance on what is socially acceptable, and can be very cautious / critical of anything unconventional / outside the mainstream.
@~@ SF people base their moral compass on established traditions / laws, upholding authority and rules, rather than drawing their morality from philosophy /mysticism like NF people do.
@~@ have a strong moral code that is defined by the community that they live in, rather than by any strongly felt internal values.
@~@ enjoy hearing about their friends’ relationships and activities, remembering little details, ready to talk things out with warmth and sensitivity. can be kaypoh, indeed practical matters and gossip are their bread and butter.
@~@ ESFJ thrive on staying up to date with what their friends are doing
@~@ Use their SJ (sensing and Judging) characteristics to gather specific, detailed info about others, and turn this info into supportive judgments.
@~@ prefer plans / organized events to open-ended activities, than spontaneous activities.
@~@ good career: personal accountant (not corporate accountant), teacher, social work / medical care.
@~@ expect AUTHORITY to be respected and backed up by rules and standards
@~@ can be efficient, hard-working subordinate; but struggle with too much freedom and improvisation
@~@ often seek friends at work
@~@ almost always willing to lend a hand when / where it’s needed
@~@ excellent networkers (think of Bill Clinton), seem to "know the person" to bring a project together on time.
@~@ when ESFJ’s suggestions / help are turned down, they can take it personally.
@~@ vulnerable to stress
@~@ never challenge the authority of ESFJ as she can stress out, loses her temper, and just generally reacts badly.
@~@ ESFJ’s natural partner is ISFP or INFP. ESFJ prefers stable, harmonious relationships and like a partner who is able to be loving and committed, even when the ESFJ has strong emotional reactions. PS: I’ll be on hunt for such a desirable man for my friend.

What can we do to support a loved one who is an ESFJ?
@~@ must thank / appreciate her from time to time (whenever there is such an opportunity to do so)
@~@ never tell her you that are critical of her beliefs / habits / traditions (if any). Iit can hurt her greatly / cause her to be very defensive). ESFJ dislikes criticism.
@~@ if you must turn down her suggestions / help, do it very very diplomatically.
@~@ do not challenge her authority.
@~@ as a friend, I must respect / be supportive of her dreams or opinions
@~@ talk more about practical matters (e.g. cooking, how to solve work problems efficiently), she likes it.
@~@ do not talk too much about your private selves that you are not comfortable that others would know, but reveal some that you do not mind others to know… she enjoys knowing specific details about you. We are learning to love / understand kaypoh people.

20150524

Written by blueroselady

May 24, 2015 at 6:37 am

30 revealing ideas from social psychology that can help us to appreciate people and our lives

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Below are interesting points (sometimes with some of personal thoughts & reflections) that I have learned from a course on social psychology taught by Professor Scott Plous of Wesleyan College.

@~@ Know yourself. Seach inside yourself.
LaoZi : "He who knows others is learned. He who knows himself is enlightened."
Benjamin Franklin : "There are three things extremely hard: steel, a diamond, and to know one’s self"
Daniel Gilbert : "We seem to know less about the worlds inside our heads that about the world our heads are inside."

@~@ People often MISWANT.
Blueroselady :
How to overcome the challenge that we are remarkably bad at predicting of what will make us happy?
This question is very important because many of life’s big decisions involve predicting our future feelings.
Examples of life’s big decisions : marriage, career / profession, migration, vacation.
Funny real-life example : a friend J told me that her husband fluctuates between praising-in-the-form of question and complaining:
(1) "why a such a smart woman like you wanted to marry a jerk and stayed on?"
(2) "It’s a nightmare to be with you for the rest of your life, I was enticed by your physical attractions"

@~@ Most people are too preoccupied with themselves to notice our shortcomings (e.g. your pimple, your spiky hair because of having no time to comb your hair because of waking up late).

@~@ "Research has found that audiences can’t pick up on your anxiety as well as you might expect …
Other people are noticing less than you might suppose."
Blueroselady: The next time you have to deliver a public talk / give a company presentation / make a sales pitch, do not worry. Just do it!

@~@ Susan Andersen & Serena Chen, 2002: In our varied relationships, we have varying selves.

@~@ Much of our behavior is not consciously controlled but automatic and unself-conscious.
Blueroselady: Be mindful. We can choose to practice mindfulness.
Mindful breathing… Mindful eating… Mindful doing…

@~@ self-schema vs possible selves
self-schema = beliefs about self that organize & guide the procession of self-relevant information.
possible selves = images of what we dream of or dread becoming in the future.
self-schema strongly affect how we see / perceive, remember, evaluate other people & ourselves.

@~@ major negative events vs minor irritations
major negative events activate our psychological defense.
minor irritations do not activate our psychological immunity.

@~@ Role playing becomes reality.
As we enact a new role, e.g. college student, parent. salesperson, we initially feel self-conscious.
Progressively, the role playing becomes reality.
This reminds me on the message that Amy Cuddy wants us to remember in her TED talk on body language.
Fake it till you make it.
Fake it till you become it.

@~@ How do we decide if we are rich, smart, or tall?
The answer is social comparison (Festinger, 1954) in affluence, status, achievement.
Blueroselady: Many things in life (that I know of) are relative, particularly those that are measurable.
A reader’s question: "I have made a living comparing data in my job / career. Comparing has become my second nature. How can I stop comparing in life?"
Blueroselady suggestions:
# Gratitude exercises.
# Detachment exercises : Detach your emotions from the outcome of your comparisons. I hear you, it is easy to say, but challenging to do, that is why detachment is an art; for the sake of our happiness, we must practice the art of detachment.
# Mindfulness exercises : Remember that (1) social comparisons can decrease our life satisfaction. (2) 人比人气死人 (3) "There is nothing noble in being superior to some other person. The true nobility is in being superior to your previous self."
# Kindness exercises : Be kind & compassionate to yourself, leave behind comparisons with others.
# Affirmations e.g. It is better to be a first rate version of yourself than a second rate version of someone else.

@~@ Children whom other people label as as gifted, hardworking or helpful tend to incorporate such ideas into their self-concepts & behavior.

@~@ Self-reliance
Self-reliant individual is celebrated in Western literature, e.g. The Iliad, The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn.

@~@ Classifying / pigeonholing / labeling cultures as solely individualist or collectivist oversimplifies.
The oversimplification is because within any culture, individualism varies from person to person (Oyserman et al, 2002).
Blueroselady: Remember not to do hasty generalization.

@~@ Interdependent self
# has a greater sense of belonging.
# is defined by social connections with family, colleagues, loyal friends.
# has many selves: self-with-parents, self-at-work, self-with-friends.
# disapproves egotism, whereas independent self disapproves conformity.
# e.g. collectivistic Asian & Third World cultures.
# persists more on tasks when they are failing because wants to meet others’ expectations (e.g Japanese)
# prioritizes WE over ME

@~@ "So far, most of psychology has been produced by psychologists in middle-class White American settings studying middle-class White American respondents."
However, there are ways of life beyond the one that each of us knows best.
Blueroselady: In other space & time context (e.g. sociocultural context), there can be different ideas & practices about how to live a meaningful life.

@~@ Tips: eat before shopping.
Gilbert & Wilson (2000) showed that hungry shoppers do more impulse buying

@~@ Why is your friend’s success can be more threatening that that of strangers?
According to Zuckerman & Jost (2001), you feel that your self-esteem is threatened.
How do people react to self-esteem threat?
High self-esteem people blame others or try harder next time.
Low self-esteem people blame themselves or give up.
According to Roy Baumeister, folks with high self-esteem are more likely to be obnoxious, to interrupt, & to talk at people rather than to talk with people.
Bonus: It is useful for parents to know that
# among sibling relationships, the threat to self-esteem is greates for an older chld with a highly capable younger brother / sister.
# many people could not escape their tough childhoods, which is a cause of low self-esteem.

@~@ Secure self-esteem
# is rooted more in feeling good about who one is than in grades, looks, affluence / money, others’ approval.
# is essential for long-term well-being.
# Blueroselady views secure self-esteem neither as high nor low self-esteem, but self-esteem in equilibrium / in balance.

@~@ self-esteem vs self-efficacy
self-esteem = if you like yourself overall
Self-efficacy = if you believe you can do something

@~@ How to be less intimated (by others) & less gullible?
# remember that personal testimonies are powerfully persuasive but they may also be wrong.

@~@ Self-serving bias?
# attribute positive outcomes to oneself (e.g. own managerial skill)
# attribute negative outcomes to other factors (e.g. a down economy)

@~@ Examples of self-serving bias
# Group members’ estimates of how much they contribute to a join task typically sum to more than 100%. For instance, husband & wife are members of a group.
# most business people see themselves as more ethical than the average business people.
# Pronin & Ross (2006) reported that we see ourselves as objective & everyone else as biased. No wonder we fight!

@~@ Feedback is best when it is TRUE & SPECIFIC.
Specific feedback e.g. You are good at maths.
General feedback e.g. You are great.
To encourage someone (e.g. children, mentees, students, subordinates), remember that specific feedback is more effective than general feedback.

@~@ To improve performance, give self-efficacy feedback instead of self-esteem feedback.
e.g. of self-efficacy feedback : You tried really hard.
e.g. of self-esteem feedback : You are really smart.

@~@ When to listen to criticism & not to listen?
David Dunning’s gentle rule: "if two people independently give you the same piece of negative feedback, you should at least consider the possibility that it might be true"

@~@ Terror management theory by Jeff Greenberg: the reality of our own death motivates us to gain recognition from our work & values, but not everyone can achieve such recognition.

@~@ Competence + perseverance = success

@~@ Success requires enough optimism to sustain hope and enough pessimism to motivate concern.

@~@ According to Jule Norem (2000), defensive pessimism can sometimes save us from the perils of unrealistic optimism.
Blueroselady: Negative emotions such as anger and pessimism are not entirely bad, we just need healthy ways to deal with them.
Tips: Whenever you feel angry, remember that the person you are hurting is yourself.

@~@ Tyranny of freedom? too many choices can lead to paralysis.
According to Barry Schwartz, individualistic modern cultures have an excess of freedom which leads to the tyranny of freedom.
# Choice may enhance regret.
# People have expressed greater satisfaction with irrevocable choices than with reversible choices. This is because when people can undo their decisions they tend to consider both the positive & negative features of the decisions they had made. When they could not undo their decisions, people tend to concentrate on the positive features & ignore the negative features. For example, people expressed more satisfaction with their marriages several decades ago when marriage was more irrevocable.

@~@ Love causes marriage, but marriage would also causes love.
Blueroselady: This hypothesis may explain why arranged marriages (in some cultures) have successfully worked and survived.

@~@ The 5:1 ratio of positive:negative activities
To sustain important relationships such as marriage and parental relationships, ensure that you strive to increase the ratio of positive to negative activities by at least 5 fold.
e.g. of positive activities : holding hands, giving a hug, lending a listening ear.
e.g. of negative activities : arguing, complaining.

More
# Book: Social Psychology. Chapter 2. DG Myers. 2012.
# Notes at the end of email

Written by blueroselady

December 26, 2013 at 3:55 am

Happiness exercise: daily O.G.A.M for our well-beings

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Everyday, when you wake up try to practice O.G.A.M for your well-beings, as a part of happiness exercises.

Optimism increases our hope.
Gratitude increases our joy.
Affirmations increase our confidence.

Mindfulness increases our peace.

More:
Optimism / positivity increases our hope. Optimism : (1) the belief that good things will happen to us and that negative events are temporary / transient setbacks / challenges to be overcome (2) an inclination to put the most favorable construction upon actions and events or to anticipate the best possible outcome. Aim for realistic optimism.
Gratitude increases our joy ; gratitude is about appreciating who we are, what we have and where we are — right now, right here. Notice and be thankful for the present.
Affirmations increase our confidence / self-belief.

Mindfulness / mediation / praying / dreaming / mind time / mental processing increases our peace.

Written by blueroselady

October 23, 2013 at 5:36 am

5 calming tips to overcome anger

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It is OK for you to experience frustration / anger.
You are not alone.
We all experience frustration / anger in our lives.

Anger is not always bad,
anger helps us to assert our rights.

Anger, like other negative emotions and also positive emotions,
are normal and appropriate
under particular circumstances in space and time
(dynamic spatio-temporal context).

However,
when anger is prolonged / intense / unacknowledged,
it may lead to diseases,
which we do not want.

To quote Ralph Waldo Emerson,
“For every minute you remain angry

you give up 60 seconds of peace of mind.

Negative emotions such as anger / frustration / resentment,
can be extremely destructive,
because these destabilizing emotions blur our vision,
disable us from rational and clear thinking,
and rapidly drag us down to regrettable paths of lives.
There is truth in the saying that
Anger Is One Letter Short of Danger.

It is all right to feel anger
but it is not all right
to express anger violently
or with cruel words.

Anger shows on our face,
can impair our potential to live a happy life.

Angry outbursts / aggression can become a bad habit;
the more one allows anger to take control,
the deeper the brain pathways are carved & reinforced,
because of brain plasticity.
Simply put,
Anger begets anger.

When people are stress / angry,
their body releases stress hormones
like cortisol & adrenaline,
that intensify the amygdala’s sense of danger,
& shut down the calming function of the prefrontal cortex.

We want calmer, more effective & more resourceful ways
to handle our emotions,
especially angry feelings.

We want to prevent ourselves
from getting stuck in deeper problems,
such as depression & anxiety,
in the long run.

Thích Nhất Hạnh / tʰǐk ɲɜ̌t hɐ̂ʔɲ views that
either expressing or suppressing anger
is an end of 2 extremes.
Expressing anger harms those around you,
destroys your relationship with others.
Suppressing anger harms yourself & your health.
Instead, choose to acknowledge our emotions.
Choose calmer & more soothing ways to attend to anger.

Melissa Costello shares that
anger can be a cover up for deep hurt & pain.
In 10 Mindful Minutes,
Goldie Hawn & Wendy Holden also shares that
anger can be due to fear.

The good news is
we can learn techniques
to overcome & deal with
our pain & fear.

Our brain is plastic,
we can train our mind
to be positive.

We can be creative
or learn from creative people
in dealing with our negative emotions.

Roger Weissberg of Yale University
contributed a technique using the traffic signal imagery^
to help people to deal with difficult emotions.

^ Children may prefer we call it traffic signal game,
instead of the traffic signal technique.

How to use the traffic signal technique?
You can get some paper & color pencils / crayons
to draw a picture of traffic signal.

Alternatively,
you can visualize traffic signal in your mind
When you are feeling negative emotions such as anger,
use the traffic signals to help you
to drive & steer your emotions safely.

Red = stop. Breathe mindfully / do some mindful breathing.
Yellow = consider all possible / thinkable / reasonable ways to respond.
In this yellow light stage, we activate our prefrontal cortex.
Green = Respond mindfully.

The traffic signal technique works because
according to Paul Ekman,
we begin feeling a strong emotion much faster
than we are aware of it.

When we use the traffic signal technique,
we allows ourselves to stop and think.
The technique lengthens the time between
the impulse / stimulus and response (either reaction or action)
as soon as
we realize and recognize
our difficult / negative feelings.

According to Victor Frankl,
between our stimulus and response
we have the freedom and power
to choose our response:
the most positive, mindful, meaningful response.
Through frequent practices
of the traffic signal technique,
we can build solid emotional resilience.

Last, but not least,
we can memorize some affirmations & scriptures.
They act as a short-cut
to quickly calm ourselves down
in the intense moment of strong negative feelings.

Examples of affirmations:
# The anger of today is the remorse of tomorrow
# If you are patient in one moment of anger, you will escape a hundred days of sorrow. Chinese Proverb.
# People who fly into a rage always make a bad landing

Examples of scriptures:
# Proverbs 16:32 : “He that is slow to anger is better than the mighty; and he that controls his temper than he who conquers a city”
# Proverbs 22:24,25 : “Do not make friends with a hot-tempered man, do not associate with one easily angered”
# Exodus 2:11-15 : In a sudden burst of anger Moses killed an Egyptian and had to flee for his life! It then took him 40 years of patiently, humbly tending sheep in the wilderness, with time to listen to the Voice of God instead of his own impulses, before he was ready for the slow, la­borious, patient work of delivering the Hebrews from Egypt.

To summarize
@~@ Remember that anger++ = Danger
@~@ Neither express or suppress anger, but acknowledge it
@~@ Traffic signal technique
@~@ Remember that you can choose your response
@~@ Memorize affirmations / scriptures

How to determine your personality type? 4 preferences of BMTI

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Herein, I refer to the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (BMTI) of personality type that was invented by a mother-daughter team (Katherine Cook Briggs and Isabel Briggs Myers) to find an avenue to help America women to find jobs that would best match their personalities during World War II.
Today, I still find that BMTI is useful to for our relationship & career.

Knowing your personality type can help in your journey of understanding yourself.
Quite often, personal development programs often incorporate such a test.

By analysing 4 preferences (4 pairs of opposite behaviors) that make up your personality type,
you can arrive at one of the 16 possible combinations of the preferences (hence the 16 personality types).

Note that the test aims to identify your natural preferences,
not abilities.

Choose your preference based on what you tend to do,
not what you think you should do.
This is important,
because recently I helped someone to do the test,
and he spent too much of time thinking & analzying,
I think he is an ESTJ instead of an INFJ.

If you love do the test yourself (DIY),
here are the 4 simple steps.

STEP 1
How do you gain energy? E or I?
E = Extroversion.
I = Introversion.

Extroverts get energy by interacting with people & doing things.
Introverts get energy by reflecting on information, ideas & concepts.

Extroverts want time to talk & to have something to do.
Introverts want time alone, time to think, time to assimilate before action.

Extroverts act first before they think / reflect.
Introverts think first before they act.

For example,
during a meeting,
extroverts are the ones who tend to talk & ask many questions.
Introverts are participating as well, but doing so in their heads.

STEP 2
How do you gather information? S or N?
S = Sensing
N = iNtuition

Sensing individuals see the trees.
iNtuitive individuals see the forest.

Sensing individuals want, notice, believe facts, concrete data, details, clear guidelines, roles, expectations. They distrust hunches / guessed not rooted in logic / observation / facts.
iNtuitive individuals want, attend to, trust inter-relationships, connections, abstracts, theories, patterns, flashes of insights, future possibilities, big picture, general directions, opportunities to participate. They are spontaneous / more imaginative.

For example,
a Sensing boss will go through a standard set of questions with job applicants, call their former employers.
a iNtuitive boss will ‘know’ who to hire after a 5-minute conversation with an applicant, regardless of his / her qualifications.

STEP 3
How do you make decision? T or F?
T = Thinking
F = Feeling

Thinking individuals make decisions using logic, objective analysis.
Feeling individuals make decisions by applying person-centered values.

Thinking individuals want clarity about the decision-making process, competent leadership, fairness.
Feeling individuals want to recognize the impact of decisions on people, to meet people’s needs, to have values drive change & leaders who care, appreciate & support them.

Thinking individuals look for most logical & consistent solution, measure decision up against a set of rules / assumptions.
Feeling individuals consider perspective of everyone involved to arrive at a harmonious / balanced decision.

Thinking individuals accept and expect conflict as part and parcel of dealing with others.
Feeling individuals dislike conflict.

STEP 4
How do you live in the world? J or P?
J = Judging
P = Perceiving

Judging individuals are organized, orderly, make decisions quickly.
Perceiving individuals are flexible, adaptable, keep their options open as long as possible.

Judging individuals want a clear concise plan, defined outcomes & goals, a time frame with stages, clear priorities, and no surprise.
Judging individuals make plans, check things off of a to-do list, get things done ahead of deadlines.
Perceiving individuals want an open-ended approach, flexibility, options, information, room to adjust, go-with-the-flow approach.
Perceiving individuals mix work with play, wait until the last minute before making a decision / commitment.

Now you get the 4 letter description of your personality types.
For example,
if you are an ENFP or an INFJ,
you can find out more about yourself online.

If you find the above post useful to you, please kindly donate.
I greatly appreciate your support.

Written by blueroselady

August 9, 2013 at 2:59 pm

What are the signs of depression?

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Madam S sent me a Chinese newspaper article about the signs of depression.
Depression, can affect anyone.
It affected one of the famous poets of China during the Warring States period : Qu Yuan (屈原),
who has inspired the celebration of DuanWu Festival,
where people enjoy dragon boat races and rice wrapped into 3-cornered packages.

The depression of Qu Yuan started after the change of throne,
after which he was no longer trusted by the new king due to slander by other officer.

It was a great loss of a talented person like Qu Yuan to depression.
Now, the question is how to analyze if one (can be someone whom we care) suffers from depression.

Symptoms (that persist for over 2 weeks):

1. unstable emotional states. Feel like crying or becoming angry easily.

2. loss of interest on any activity / event.

3. change of appetite & body weight. Most cases involve decrease in appetite.

4. daily loss of sleep.

5. often worry.

6. self-blame, low self-esteem / low self-worth.

7. lethargy.

8. decrease in ability to focus / concentrate. often doubtful.

9. often think of self-destructive thoughts.

Once we knows if someone suffers from depression, we can seek further action to help heal him / her.

A happy heart is good medicine and a cheerful mind works healing, but a broken spirit dries up the bones. ~ Proverbs 17:22

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Written by blueroselady

May 9, 2013 at 12:23 pm

Posted in health

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Are you / your loved one an INFJ? ~40 simple descriptions to understand them

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To know your personality type,
you can do an instant self-guided assessment here.

Since a good friend of mine is INFJ and I would love to understand her,
I have been highly motivated to learn (and now share) about INFJ people.

INFJ = Protector = Counselor = Confidant = Healer = Foreseer Developer.

Only 1% of the population has INFJ personality (the most rare personality type).

Dear INFJ,
“You are not here merely to make a living.
You are here in order to enable the world to live more amply,
with greater vision,
with a finer spirit of hope and achievement.
You are here to enrich the world,
and you impoverish yourself if you forget the errand.”
Woodrow Wilson

Famous people who are INFJ:
Amelie Poulain
Carl Jung
D Yuri Zhivago – Doctor Zhivago
Eleanor Rossevelt
Goethe
Jimmy Carter
Mahatma Gandhi
Martin Luther King, Jr.
Mother Teresa
Nelson Mandela
Nicole Kidman
Oprah Winfrey
Plato

and fictional characters of INFJs:
Luke Skywalker
Jane Eyre

Bloggers who declare themselves as INFJs:
Jennifer Zhang
Barbara Coz

@~@ live with integrity / have strong value systems / Highly principled.
@~@ is independent.
@~@ is creative (artistic / original / INFJ live in a world of hidden meanings and possibilities).
@~@ INFJs often think by way of images ; their minds are of visual nature.
@~@ When engrossed in creative flow / Csikszentmihalyi’s flow , INFJ experience themselves in perfect synchrony with the universe. Some have described this as a trance (an altered state of consciousness in which they morph into a vessel of creative energy). Others have likened it to divine inspiration or being visited by muses.
@~@ is visionary / idealistic / future-oriented.
@~@ are constantly in a state of self-renewal ; believe in constant growth and don’t often take time to revel in their accomplishments.
@~@ constantly seeking meaning and purpose in everything.
@~@ determined (they rarely stray from their vision no matter what it is / they don’t believe in compromising their ideals).
@~@ devoted.
@~@ hardworking.
@~@ generally “doers” as well as great dreamers.
@~@ deep / complex (INFJ has complex feelings & take great care to express them).
@~@ cooperative in reaching their goals.
@~@ gentle / easy going (although they have very high expectations of themselves).
Gandhi remarked that “In a gentle way, you can shake the world”.
@~@ is an excellent listener with almost infinite patience. In the words of infjoe, “Just because I’m quiet doesn’t mean I’m not listening. I’m busy focusing on the things that aren’t being said.”
@~@ INFJs are old souls. Many grow up feeling wiser than would be predicted by their chronological age.
@~@ natural nurturer / focus on human potentials.
@~@ altruistic / love to contribute to welfare of the human beings.
@~@ INFJ enjoy the chance to share their wisdom, theories, and insights.
@~@ natural leader ; although they are not generally visible leaders, they quietly exerting their influence behind the scenes with their families, friends, and colleagues. To quote Susan Cain, “Quiet leadership is not an oxymoron.”
@~@ caring / warm / helpful / compassionate / service-oriented / can readily ingratiate 讨好 themselves to others.
@~@ insightful ; artful / canny understanding of people & situations ; INFJ can become aware of another’s emotions or intentions-good or evil-even before that person is conscious of them. This ‘mind-reading’ can take the form of feeling the hidden distress or illnesses of others to an extent which is difficult for other personality types to comprehend.
@~@ INFJ are quick to differentiate the “real and authentic” from the “fake and contrived”. INFJ can ‘X-ray’ other personalities / they can “read” people.
@~@ Value deep, authentic relationships.
@~@ highly intuitive / spontaneous within themselves.
@~@ INFJs concern themselves with forging new connections and reconciling opposites by way of their Intuition.
@~@ focus their attention on the big picture rather than the details, and on future possibilities rather than immediate realities.
@~@ strong empathy ; INFJ have strong ability to take into themselves the feelings of others, hence they can be hurt rather easily by those around them, which, perhaps, is one reason why they tend to be private people, mutely withdrawing from human contact.
@~@ protective of their inner selves, sharing only what they choose to share when they choose to share it ; reserved about expressing their true selves.
@~@ INFJs tend to be quiet ; they expend energy in social situations (whereas extraverts gain energy).
@~@ orderly / systematic (in their outer world) ; INFJ constantly define and re-define the priorities in their lives.
@~@ INFJ are system builders; most INFJ systems are founded on human beings and human values.
@~@ Can work logically and rationally – use their intuition to understand the goal and work backwards towards it.

@~@ believe in their intuition & tend to ignore other people’s opinions. Solutions: seek trusted mentors / Jedi / collaborators.
@~@ cannot tolerate conflict very well. can easily burn out / suffer depression. Solutions: develop strong inner strength & inner peace.
@~@ a perfectionist who doubts that they are living up to their full potential ; there’s always something else they should be doing to improve themselves and the world around them.
Solutions:
1. be gentle with yourself.
2. be mindful of the intrisic desire of INFJ to constantly improve their romantic partner which may be perceived as being naggy, know when to apply Siberian North Rail Road technique (Stope, Breathe, Notice, Reflect, Respond).
@~@ highly sensitive. Solutions: learn how to center & ground yourself while realizing other people’s problems aren’t always INFJ’s to help fixing.

@~@ INFJs seek high quality, in-depth relationships.
@~@ INFJ see love relationship as an opportunity to connect and grow.
@~@ INFJ enjoy relationships when they are improving and changing, but not stagnation.
@~@ INFJ’s natural partner is the ENTP, or the ENFP. INFJ is also compatible with INTJ.
Why ENFP?The inner world of INFJs in many ways resembles the outer world of ENFPs. It is playful, colorful, mischievous, and daring.

When other people don’t get INFJ, they see INFJ as manipulative / weak / unstable.

Suitable career for INFJ:
entrepreneur / marketer.
artist (e.g. designer, photographer).
scientist where they make use of their intuition.
medical Doctors / dentists / alternative medicine guru (e.g. Chiropractor, Reflexologist).
psychologists / psychiatrists.
Counselors / Social Workers.
teacher / professor / trainer.
Child Care / Early Childhood Development.
writer.

At work, INFJ stay motivated and happy … as long as they are working toward a dream they support.
INFJ are not good at dealing with minutia or very detailed tasks. The INFJ will either avoid such things, or else go to the other extreme and become enveloped in the details to the extent that they can no longer see the big picture. An INFJ who has gone the route of becoming meticulous about details may be highly critical of other individuals who are not.
Life is not necessarily easy for the INFJ, but they are capable of great depth of feeling and personal achievement.

Related:
http://infjoe.wordpress.com/ : with highly recommended comic / cartoon !
http://www.personalitypage.com/INFJ.html
http://www.oswego.edu/plsi/infj.htm
http://neverneverneverquit.wordpress.com/2012/10/16/i-am-an-infj/
http://anxietyadventures.wordpress.com/2012/08/15/infj-introversion-intuition-feeling-judging/
http://amytempleman.com/wordpress/2011/10/infj-what-my-meyers-briggs-personality-type-means-to-me/
Susan Cain’s Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking.

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You Will Never Experience Positive Things By Feeling Negative Feelings

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Written by blueroselady

March 27, 2013 at 6:18 am

Posted in pyschology

Tagged with , ,

Ten cool things about Marissa Mayer

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1. among the best: No. 3 on the 40 under 40 according to Fortune edition October 29, 2012.

2. wears multiple hats: A CEO, a Mom (to a baby boy since September 30, 2012), a wife (to Zack Bogue since 2009).

3. visionary and ambitious:
(A) Google’s 20th employee, Google’s 1st female engineer. She was offered a job in Oracle, Toyota, Carnegie Mellon, McKinsey, Google. If she went to McKinsey, she could give advice to Fortune 500 companies, but she chose Google (to help change the world), although she admitted that she gave the drilling Sergey Brin and the quiet Larry Page a 2% chance.
(B) has planned to make Yahoo "the absolute best place to work". Will this talent-focused approach make Yahoo’s products more innovative and delightful?
(C) Marissa told Yahoo employees that she will follow
"the rule of 100 million", invest only in products and ventures hat have a good shot at reaching 100 million users and $100 million in revenue. Possible e.g. PubMatic, Criteo, Pulse, Flipboard.

4. Courage to move out of comfort zone. Her personal career credo: "Do things that you’re not quite ready to do. And surround yourself with the smartest people." She gave up daily programming that she loved for moving into management.

5. nurture talent: leadership depends on nurturing talent. Delegate to succeed. Her proteges include Jess Lee (CEO of fashion startup Polyvore).
incredibly energetic, loves hard work, she pulled an all-nighter at least once weekly in Google’s early days. Sometimes I wonder if over-work results in a trade-off, e.g. beauty for women. I find that her photograph by Robyn Twomey used by the Fortune magazine (p49) makes her look older with a line on cheek and no smile. As a woman, I prefer to look younger and smiling.

6. transparent: she admits that she is an introvert, but she is not a loner.

7. Well-educated: In undergraduate, she focused on symbolic systems, that integrates psychology, linguistics, philosophy, computer science. Aims: to figure out how people learn and reason, to endow computers with human-like behavior. She later graduated from Stanford with a master’s degree in computer science. Before then, she got accepted at every college she applied to (Harvard, Yale, Northwestern, Duke, 6 others). It is always good to be interdisciplinary.

8. Well-rounded: her Dad was a water-treatment plants engineer, Mom an art teacher, brother is sport (hockey)-loving. Her Mom instilled in her a willingness to try anything; every day of the week, her Mom took her to a different lesson: swimming, skating, ballet, piano, cake decorating.
This can be an inspiring plan for my progeny.
In high school, Marissa was an all-round over-achiever:
captain of the debate team.
captain of pom-pom squad, thanks to her sheer talent, hard work, fairness.

9. data-driven (she used spreadsheet / matrix to decide which college to attend, which of her 14 job offers to choose upon graduation), democratic, fun.

10. acronym-loving e.g. PB&J = Process, Bureaucracy, Jams.

Written by blueroselady

January 24, 2013 at 3:46 am