Blueroselady's Weblog

I wish you abundant happiness, health & wealth

Archive for the ‘pyschology’ Category

Are you / your loved one an ENFP? 26 fun & spontaneous points to understand them

leave a comment »

To know your personality type,
you can do an instant self-guided assessment here.

ENFP = Inspirer = Visionary

Famous people who are ENFP:
Fidel Castro
Bill Cosby
Tom Cruise
Walt Disney
Anne Frank
Che Guevara
Don Quixote
Jerry Seinfeld
Dr. Seuss
Charlie Sheen
Mark Twain
Oscar Wilde
Robin Williams

@~@ have a strong sense of values which they live with throughout their lives.
@~@ value authenticity.
@~@ thoughtfully quixotic / exceedingly idealistic.
@~@ need time alone to center themselves.
@~@ future-oriented.
@~@ project-oriented.
@~@ bright / capable to grasp difficult concepts, abstracts, theories / versatile.
@~@ creative / imaginative / energetic / enthusiastic / curious.
@~@ frisky / playful, bubbly yet serious.
@~@ easily bored / dislike doing routine tasks (including eating the same food everyday!) / dislike bureaucracy.
Solutions:
1. give your ENFP employees / family members new / exciting projects in which they can exercise their creativity.
2. since ENFP is not good at following things through to completion, s/he can collaborate with completer finisher or avoid jobs which require performing a lot of detailed, routine-oriented tasks.
3. for love partner, be comfortable with the need of change and new experiences that ENFP is craving for.
4. ENFP must learn how to prioritize, to overcome procrastination and to be more organized.
@~@ have great people skills, friendly, extremely intuitive and perceptive about people.
@~@ able to understand and relate to all of the personality types with relative ease.
@~@ Make connections between events and information very quickly.
@~@ ENFP learns best through a variety of means, such as observing, reading, and listening to and interacting with others.

@~@ charismatic / a natural entertainer with lively sense of humor & a gift of gab / chatter, dramatic, energetic, optimistic, fun, spontaneous.
@~@ strive for win-win situations.
@~@ Natural leaders, but do not like to control people.
@~@ excel at bringing out the best in others.
@~@ dislike / resist being controlled / labeled / micromanaged by others / restrained by rules / regulations. ENFP strongly needs to be independent & a master of own fate.
@~@ ENFPs do well with suggestions, not commands.
@~@ needs approval / affirmation / appreciation from others, extreme dislike of criticism.
ENFPs may also feel threatened by individuals with strong Judging preferences. With a tendency to take any criticism personally, the ENFP may find themselves irritated or emotional when the Judger expresses a negative opinion, believing somehow that the Judger is expressing disapproval or disappointment in the ENFP.
Solutions: give our dear ENFP friends / colleagues / family members appreciation and gratitude.
@~@ have a strong need to be liked. Solution:
ENFP have to learn to balance their need to be true to themselves with their need for acceptance.

@~@ ENFPs sometimes make serious errors in judgment. They have an amazing ability to intuitively perceive the truth about a person / situation, but when they apply judgment to their perception, they may jump to the wrong conclusions.
@~@ ENFP often suffers from muscular tension.
Solution:
Learn to discipline themselves against beginning too many projects and making commitments to too many people.
@~@ analysis paralysis. ENFPs always look for hidden motives and tend to over think even the simplest things, constantly asking themselves why someone did what they did and what that might mean.
@~@ naturally agreeable. vulnerable to schemers or con artists.

Suitable career for ENFP:
Entrepreneur
Writer / Journalist / Television Reporter
Computer Programmer / Systems Analyst
Scientist / Engineer
Psychologist
Consultant / Counselor
Teacher
Artist / Actor
Politician / Diplomat

Expectations and communication are two basic areas of relationship.
In love relationship, people are usually attracted to their opposite on the Extraversion/Introversion and Judging/Perceiving scales.
ENFP’s natural love partner is INTJ or INFJ.
However, when it comes to work colleagues, or friends, we are not especially interested in dealing with people who are very unlike ourselves. We are most comfortable with those who have similar interests and perspectives, and we do not show a lot of motivation or patience for dealing with our opposites.

Related:
http://kevintiller.com/about-2/i-am-an-enfp/
http://beingabeautifulmess.wordpress.com/2012/09/24/im-married-to-my-polar-opposite-istj-enfp/
http://www.elizabethesther.com/2011/04/in-defense-of-dithering-and-enfps.html
http://www.elizabethesther.com/2012/04/enfp-in-photos.html
http://www.opp.com/en-ie/tools/mbti/mbti-personality-types/enfp
http://happyandhealthykate.wordpress.com/tag/enfp/

If you find my writings are useful to you, please donate to me by clicking here.

You Will Never Experience Positive Things By Feeling Negative Feelings

leave a comment »

Written by blueroselady

March 27, 2013 at 6:18 am

Posted in pyschology

Tagged with , ,

"Sorry" : how different people perceive it differently

leave a comment »

Story 1:
Having lived in England, I am somehow influenced by their highly polite nature.
For a small mistake / unintentional little offense, the English will say "I am very sorry".
Note the use of "very".
I was impressed by their high level of politeness.
The English (the people in my workplace, my school, my church) appears to be highly civilized,
of course there are also 小混混,
on the street,
I encountered once, the 小混混 who spit on me.
The encounter made me extra careful,
to avoid some area.
Eventually, I enjoyed happy life,
and collected one of the most beautiful memories of my life,
while I was in England.

After I left England, I realize that some of the English who said "I am very sorry", might not mean it so much, it has been their habit to say such a too 客气话. But, I really appreciate their kindness (see, this is an example that I have been influenced by the English).

Story 2:
SM does not like to hear anyone says sorry for a simple mistake / error.
She feels that the word sorry is reserved for a big mistake.
She also thinks that people who say the word sorry too easily, when they say sorry, they do not sincerely mean that they regret what they did.

Messages of the stories:
1. Awareness of different meaning of words to different people, is important.
2. Use words wisely (adapt our choice of words for different people).

If you find my writings are helpful to you, please donate to me by clicking here.

Written by blueroselady

March 11, 2013 at 3:06 pm

Posted in pyschology

Tagged with , , ,

It is better not to give criticism and non-positive comments

leave a comment »

When I was pregnant and near to delivery, my younger brother remarked that I had gained weight. He just came back from visiting our parents and had not seen me for perhaps over 2 months. I was not angry at all, and accepted his comment as an objective assessment. That means my baby was growing and would arrive soon.

However, I will be unhappy if it was my man who made the remark. Even though I gain weight, my man is not supposed to say that, he is supposed to think and (explicitly and implicitly) say that "no matter that you are getting rounder, you are beautiful" to him.

I was also not so happy when my man’s colleague EY said that I am getting fatter. Perhaps it was because he said it in front of my man, and my man said nothing that assured me. For example, "Yes, my wife is getting rounder because our baby is growing, but she is very beautiful and radiant, right?"

So, the differences in our relationship with the person we want to give comments to do matter greatly.
It is a big NO NO for a man to criticize his woman.

To be safe, it is better not to give non-positive comments.
Say more kind (yet honest) words.
Say no hurtful words.

Written by blueroselady

February 23, 2013 at 5:55 am

Posted in family, pyschology

Tagged with , , ,

Giving gives you happiness

leave a comment »

People whom I think deserve listening to and learning from, advocate giving. When we give, we will feel happy.

I have given many things in my life:
Smile.
$$$.
Time.
Gifts.
Things for donation.
Talent.
Energy / sweat.
Blood.
Encouragement.
I hope to give wisdom in the near future.

Most time I am happy to give, but there are times I am forced to give by circumstances.
For example, once a woman asked my man to help her take photo, then she asked me to lend her my (beautiful) hat. I was unwilling because it was drizzling and I did not feel well, yet I still gave in to her request.
This is a very small example, in work / school we are often / sometimes / rarely forced to give as well.

Why are we sometimes unhappy to give?
1. The receiver has more than us. They already have more / better things yet they insist / trick us to give to them.
E.g. An acquaintance WT who spent $ to study in US, then she got a scholarship to study in UK, mentioned that a beggar earns 50% more than her per month (the beggar’s income is in news in summer 2012).

2. There are imbalance of forces / power. People of authority (parents, teachers, bosses) make you to do things in which you have to give more than what you are willing to give.

3. There are inequality of contribution from collaborators / co-workers / team members in giving and receiving. A solution is to enter the joint efforts with the attitude of "giving without expecting to receive", but this does not serve the purpose of group synergy. When you collaborate, you want 1 + 1 = 3 or more. Perhaps not all collaboration makes everyone happy, if this is the case and you find yourself giving more than what you should, you can try to move on to another project then.

4. Naturally, it makes sense not to give to your competitors (e.g. in business), unless you want to turn them into your collaborators. I think the latter strategy is excellent. When you cannot beat your competitors, you join them, which I did well in summer 2009.

5. Emotion / personal likes and dislikes / chemistry. We just like some people more than others, e.g. our good / kind friends. A girlfriend of mine is rich from working in bank and claiming insurance, yet I still love to give her gifts because I love her. We have been friends for ages and I found her like my elder sister (whom I never have), wise and kind. On contrary, we may find it hard to like (hopefully very few) people. E.g. Can you like your housemate if he always leaves post-excretion signs on your toilet bowl? Can you like your neighbor who blast loud music when you want to sleep? No matter what, even if our likes and dislikes for different people vary, we will still try our best to see everyone equally. After all, we are all children of God.

Written by blueroselady

January 5, 2013 at 8:24 am

How to discover our strengths?

leave a comment »

It is better to focus on developing our strengths than repairing our weakness. I have heard this piece of advice many times, from mentors TF to SL, who gave me his first book in winter 2012.

To find out about your strength, you can visit
1. http://www.authentichappiness.sas.upenn.edu
Then, choose "Brief Strengths Test".
It has 24 questions.
I found that the questions somehow drove me to my self-perceived answers, perhaps real life example-kind of questions will be better.

Here are my strengths:
Love of Learning
Humility/Modesty
Prudence
Appreciation of beauty and excellence [awe, wonder, elevation]
Gratitude
Hope [optimism, future-mindedness, future orientation]
Curiosity [interest, novelty-seeking, openness to experience]
Open-mindedness [judgment, critical thinking]
Bravery [valor]
Persistence [perseverance, industriousness]
Love
Kindness [generosity, nurturance, care, compassion, altruistic love, "niceness"]
Self-regulation [self-control]
Creativity [originality, ingenuity]
Perspective [wisdom]
Integrity [authenticity, honesty]
Vitality [zest, enthusiasm, vigor, energy]
Social Intelligence [emotional intelligence, personal intelligence]
Citizenship [social responsibility, loyalty, teamwork]
Forgiveness and mercy
Spirituality [religiousness, faith, purpose]
Fairness
Leadership
Humor [playfulness]

2. Another test "VIA Survey of Character Strengths"
The test has 240 questions.
Some questions are repetitive.
I had a break halfway taking this test, to make delicious papaya milkshake.

For parents, "VIA Strength Survey for Children" is available.

Here are my results:

Your Top Strength
Hope, optimism, and future-mindedness
You expect the best in the future, and you work to achieve it. You believe that the future is something that you can control.

Your Second Strength
Love of learning
You love learning new things, whether in a class or on your own. You have always loved school, reading, and museums – anywhere and everywhere there is an opportunity to learn.

Your Third Strength
Spirituality, sense of purpose, and faith
You have strong and coherent beliefs about the higher purpose and meaning of the universe. You know where you fit in the larger scheme. Your beliefs shape your actions and are a source of comfort to you.

Your Fourth Strength
Appreciation of beauty and excellence
You notice and appreciate beauty, excellence, and/or skilled performance in all domains of life, from nature to art to mathematics to science to everyday experience.

Your Fifth Strength
Gratitude
You are aware of the good things that happen to you, and you never take them for granted. Your friends and family members know that you are a grateful person because you always take the time to express your thanks.

Your Sixth Strength
Industry, diligence, and perseverance
You work hard to finish what you start. No matter the project, you "get it out the door" in timely fashion. You do not get distracted when you work, and you take satisfaction in completing tasks.

Your Seventh Strength
Curiosity and interest in the world
You are curious about everything. You are always asking questions, and you find all subjects and topics fascinating. You like exploration and discovery.

3. A combination of strengths.
Though we may share some strengths, but we are likely to have different combinations of strengths, that make each of us unique. Let us strive to maximize our combination of strengths through synergy.

After thought:
Since we are growing / changing over time, our results may be different from time to time. It will be interesting to re-take the tests in n years down the road.

Related:
Focus on strengths more, fix weaknesses less

Human relationships are complex yet I want to build relationships using my simplicity and sincerity

with one comment

A successful friend (77), once told me that the most difficult thing is human relationship. In the end of March 2012, due to miscommunication, I realize that my friend is perhaps right.

People of different background are involved in this communication, from the English, the French, the Indian, to the Chinese, so it is hard for me to tone my communication to suit someone, as it involved people of diverse background.
I sent suggestions as my help was requested, but the person feel insulted.
I want to help others.
I have tried to limit myself not to help others, if they do not request my help.
Even so, I still make the other person unhappy.

A piece of advice from the mentor SH:
I think you should have a talk with him to clarify things.
All guys have ego, like your brother, I think it is of similar situation.

Lessons:
1. To tailor make my communication to different individuals.
2. Accept the fact that I cannot make everyone happy.

Another example for sharing:
A close friend of mine (a male) once accidentally asked his former colleague GM if she likes him.
The problem was she knew that he was in a relationship with a girl who is their mutual friend.
With the personality of his former colleague, my close friend made her lose face.
Since then, she refused my close friend to contact her.

Written by blueroselady

December 24, 2012 at 9:38 am