Blueroselady's Weblog

I wish you abundant happiness, health & wealth

Posts Tagged ‘personal development

Focus on strengths more, fix weaknesses less

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We have been conditioned (trained / taught) to focus about our weaknesses.
For example,
1. parents scan the report cards of their children to focus on subjects their children need improvement, the failing grades are written in red, screaming for attention. Fortunately, my parents did not bother to look at my report cards.
2. teachers mark our homeworks, assignments, and exam papers with red inks. They do nothing on the correct answers, but our errors are marked with crosses.
3. bossses discuss on our weaknessess at annual performance review.
4. media loves to report stories of people who overcome their weaknesses to achieve great things.

Have we ever stopped to realize that focusing our strengths is more productive than improving our weaknesses?
Both Tim Ferriss and Chu Chin-Ning (whose books I read in autumn 2012) advocate us to focus on our strengths.

Yes, we can improve our weaknesses, but at slower pace.
The end results may be slight improvement, yet still mediocre.

Types of strength:
achiever / has stamina to work long hours
intellect / thinking
strategic / intuitive
futuristic / what can one does
relater / can relate with people
belief / has strong core values that one wil not compromise / stubborn

Note that a strength can also be a weakness, depending on the situations.

Remember that:
1. the key to success is to work with the way God designed us, focus on our strengths.
2. combine our strengths to create synergy and achieve greatness.
Many people may share the same individual strength as ours, but a combination of strengths shapes our uniqueness and identity, makes us outstanding if we can unleash the synergistic effects.
3. There are always abundance of opportunities for our particular combination of strengths. Jobs that do not make use of our strengths, require things that we are not strong in, are exhausting. If we have tried our best and still do not see desirable results, perhaps it is time to change jobs / career.
4. Every knife requires sharpening, similarly we must hone our strengths with knowledge, skills, and practice.

Written by blueroselady

October 23, 2012 at 12:15 pm

What are people emotionally hungry for?

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According to Les Giblin, the author of Confidence and Power in Dealing with People, people are hungry for:
Admiration
Affirmation
Approval
Appreciation
Acceptance

When Blueroselady loves herself, she will be able to love others.
When Blueroselady likes herself, she will be able to like others.
Thus, Blueroselady is constantly improving herself.
Self-help
Instead of seeking admiration, affirmation, approval, appreciation and acceptance from other people, Blueroselady constantly provides them to herself.

People are more pleased at a compliment if we praise them for something that is not glaringly obvious.
Praise the ACTIVITY / action / performance / job, not the person. This way of praising is more specific and sincere.
Similarly, if we must give constructive criticism,
criticize the ACTIVITY / action / performance / job, not the person. This way of criticizing is impersonal.

Do not compete with other people to make ourselves seem better / more important at their expense.
Never criticize someone in front of someone else.
Do not speak negatively about ANYTHING (including our competitors). People do not like negative people.

Related:
How not to listen to non-constructive criticism?
How to play the game of life?
The 10 most important things
Leadership

Written by blueroselady

October 16, 2012 at 3:52 pm

How not to listen to non-constructive criticism?

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This article is inspired by John Gurdon’s experience on criticism. He received Nobel prize in 2012. Though I have never met him, I counted a blessing that in a period of my life, I walked / cycled passed the Gurdon Institute (named after him) regularly.

An Eton teacher of John Gurdon wrote that the then 15-year-old John Gurdon wouldn’t listen, couldn’t learn simple biological facts and, horror of horrors, "insisted on doing work in his own way". In one test, Gurdon scored a miserable two out of 50.

The report made John Gurdon disheartened, but fortunately one of John Gurdon’s early decision on not to listen to non-constructive criticism indeed played an important role in his subsequent research work, including the discovery that mature cells can be converted to stem cells (and ended up winning a Nobel prize).

How not to listen to non-constructive criticism?

1. Be prepared that in life, no matter what we do (including noble actions), some people will criticize us. To protect ourselves against these peace robbers, we can
# enhance our inner strength by reminding / focusing ourselves on our strength
# have a thick face

2. Be aware of the reasons why people give non-constructive criticism

# jealousy and justification attempt. They are jealous of our achievements and attempt to gain self-importance by criticizing us. They justify themselves at the expense of us. Do not fear those who criticize us because of their jealousy. Perhaps, those who criticize us suffer from low self-esteem and meet their need of having self-importance by criticizing, instead we can be kind by giving them empathy and sympathy.

# ignorance and inexperience. For example, you want to attempt a new venture and you seek advices from people around you. Those who never start up a company or those who have failed will project their fear and criticize you. Do not listen to these naysayers. Instead, consult those who have successfully achieved what you want to achieve.

3. Be mindful of your perspective (mind), emotions, and body

# Must be able to see the BIG PICTURE
When I was a primary and junior high school student, I accept the fact that teachers are role models. I did not question their authorities. They were the grown-ups with more knowledge and wisdom than me who was only a fledgling individual. I did not realize that teachers are also human beings, subjected to human conditions (both positive and negative attributes). Few of my teachers had ego and misused their authorities. They criticized students who refused to follow them, e.g. if a student refused to learn bad words, he would be labeled as self-righteous. Fortunately, I moved to a better school and I learned a lot from my kind teachers – those who teach for the passion of teaching and nurturing the next generation more than for earning an income (of course everyone has to earn a living). Looking back, those teachers who criticized things I thought as right, did no longer matter.

Then, when I started my study in a famous place, an unhappy professor told me that the only reason I went there was because of the fame. Well, while that reason honestly contributed to my decision, I had bigger reasons why I fought all my ways to gain admission there. At that time, when such a professor with his authority / power and perceived superiority (in knowledge, ability, etc) said such things to students, the impact could be huge. However, I did not listen to him. I shifted my focus to my purpose (FOCUS ON YOUR PURPOSES). I managed to work with more successful (and more generous and kinder) professors, produced results, and graduated. My mentor CNC loves to say that success is always the sweetest revenge (without harming our past offenders).

My learning journey then brought me to meet inspiring entrepreneurs. In some aspects, I look up to entrepreneurs who create jobs for many people and excellent products / services with great values, more than to professors who care only about their tenure, publications, and self-importance in their fields (of course, there are always kind professors, I was fortunate to meet and work with few of them). My experience with the entrepreneurs unleash an inner desire of me: to be an entrepreneur. That is why I am working everyday to prepare myself for my venture, to provide values to my customers. I believe that I will be invited to teach / give talks at universities because of my expertise, instead of having to apply and fight for limited faculty positions.

To summarize, I have met more people and seen the world, my perspectives have changed. When you climb a mountain, your standpoint / perspective has elevated, you can see wider and hence the bigger picture.

# Must be able to be the master of our emotion
Often, when one is criticized, one will end up feeling sad, shameful, worried (worry is a kind of fear), or angry. All these emotions are of lower consciousness.
Be aware of your emotion, then you can shift those of lower consciousness to those of higher consciousness (e.g. courage, patience).
For example, you can manage your anger through techniques such as loving yourself, Siberian North Rail Road, and detachment.

# Learn to relax our body
Criticisms from people whose matter to us (e.g. parents, teachers, bosses, co-workers, or even peers) can result in racing heart, sweating, shaking, flushing face.
When you are aware of these physical reactions of your body, use relaxation to calm down. Breath deeply. Visualize / imagine serene places that you remember from your travel. Recall prayers that you have said countless times.

"Let nothing disturb you,
nothing frighten you,
all things are passing.
God is unchanging.
Patience gains all;
nothing is lacking to those who have God:
God alone is sufficient."
St Teresa of Avilla

Related:
How to Handle Criticism and Nonconstructive Feedback by Nicole Wolfe
*Davidson_not_hopeless* (in my ref folder)

More readings:
http://www.economist.com/node/21564525
http://www.talentsmart.com/articles/

Inner strength

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A friend of mine SH shared about me about self esteem. He feels that his colleagues do not respect him.

He asked me if I respect him. I said yes.
He asked what things of him that can command respects.

He thinks that only his PhD is worthy of respect.
So I helped him to list more things he can be proud and grateful of:
A kind, smart, lovely wife.
A child.
A home (though he said he still has to pay for mortgage).
A job (though he said it is getting unstable, but I think the job is physically safer and commands higher pay than a construction job).
His experience travelling around 4 continents.
His dream (not all people dare to dream big).
His contribution in terms of scientific publications.
His loyal support to his football team for many years.
His fraternity with WT, CW, D, TH.

Written by blueroselady

August 30, 2012 at 4:06 pm

Our common goals in personal development

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I want to:
• overcome fear in public speaking / presentation
• learn to reduce procrastination
• learn to be more motivated (especially for T2)
• increase sales
• learn to be more confident
• remove limiting belief
• improve communication skills with my boss/peers/clients/spouse/children

Do you also want similar things?
Please bookmark my blog and please be generous in giving comments so that we can learn together.

Thank you CC.
I will remember you for your kind text messsage reply, surviving cancer, and NLP.

Written by blueroselady

June 18, 2012 at 9:20 am

My positive self-image

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What are Blueroselady’s talents?
# enormous listening ears.
# fast-learner (e.g. Blueroselady can do professional-grade make-up, family / portrait photography).
# curiosity in learning, foreign lands, travel.
# can combine multiple actions to produce desirable results.

What are things that Blueroselady likes best about herself?
# greater-than-self purpose (to inspire millions of people through my internationally qualified learning skills).
# angelic innocent face.
# loving.
# listening ability.
# appreciative of God’s gifts (e.g. appreciation and love of diverse food, people, places).

What are areas of my personhood that I need to improve?
# to be always positive.
# to be more focus.
# time management.
# worry less.
# angry less.

Written by blueroselady

March 22, 2012 at 3:14 pm