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I wish you abundant happiness, health & wealth

Posts Tagged ‘tips

Happiness exercise: write a short introduction about yourself

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In a series of happiness exercises, I brainstorm novel and creative ideas of doings that can boost up our happiness. Today exercise is simple: write a short introduction about yourself. You can memorize it to remind yourself when you experience negative emotions, to make new friends and build new relationships, or simply to make an elevator pitch.

Here is a brief introduction about myself.

I am an ordinary woman with a BIG dream to give extraordinary service to others.

My love include life, family, stories and writing. I dream of writing a book that is enlisted in The New York Times Non-Fiction Best Sellers.

Everyday, I give my best to live and learn so that I can share useful tips about education and entrepreneurship / business,
that are thoughtful, helpful, inspiring, necessary, and kind.

I am also interested in people, travel, food (especially Asian food and Italian desserts), visual arts, movies and creative ideas.

Counting my blessings, I am grateful for being a mother, lifelong student, storyteller, researcher and marketer; and having good health and more wealth than the yesterday-me.

Thank you very much for being interested in me!

Please keep in touch and feel free to comment.

Written by blueroselady

October 11, 2013 at 6:23 am

Posted in writing

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Character & Care; Freedom and Fortune

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愛分享

《經典的六句話》

①容易走的都是下坡路。Difficulties
②自由不是想幹什麼就幹什麼,而是想不幹什麼就不幹什麼。Freedom

③命,乃失敗者藉口;運,乃成功者的謙詞。 Fate vs fortune.
④打動人心的最佳方法,是談他最珍愛的東西。 Care and concern.

⑤品格不由你佔有的東西決定,而是由你匱乏的東西塑造的。
⑥鬱悶時 (when depressed),坐下來犒勞自已,原諒別人,也放過自己。

Thank you google translate!

Written by blueroselady

August 13, 2013 at 3:38 pm

How not to feel bad about doing dirty work?

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Sometimes in our lives,
we have to do dirty work for others,
cleaning the mess that others have made.
How not to feel bad about doing dirty work?

Once, S was sharing with me that her tenant used their common toilet and left stains of shit near the toilet seat.
S had to use her hand and toilet papers to clean the toilet bowl.
S told me that if she complains to her tenant,
she may lost her rental income.
S shared that she just reframed her perspective that cleaning the toilet bowl without bad feeling means securing the rental income to support her family living.
S can also pray that a better tenant,
who is willing to pay more and practising more personal hygiene will come in the future.

Currently I am living in Singapore.
Here, I have encountered a number of elderly (about my parents’ age or older) works as janitors / toilet cleaners.
Although the public toilet condition in Singapore is much better than in China in general,
sometimes I encounter dirty toilet cubicle due to previous inconsiderate user.
It is easy for me to move on and go for a cleaner toilet cubicle or go to toilet at other levels.
However, these elderly cleaners have to clean them, e.g. removing stains of shit left by inconsiderate users.
Without these cleaners, we will not have clean toilet; they are really our heroes and heroines!

Then, I think of main motivators of why people choose or end up with (if they have not other choice) a particular job.
Quite often, money is an issue, although not always the issue.
To people who have no money,
they have less choice on what work they can do.
Sometimes, people find satisfaction from doing a job that others may dislike.

Chip Conley illustrates a story of Vivian Van Quach who came to San Francisco from Vietnam in 1987.
She has been working as a main in an inner-city motel in San Francisco owned by him.
According to Chip,
Vivian had sort of a joie de vivre (a French term for the joy of life) in how she did her work.
Although Vivian did not find joy in cleaning toilet,
Vivian has formed the emotional connection that she has built with her fellow employees and the motel’s guests.
Vivian is inspired to take care of people who are far away from home, as she herself is far away from home.

The story sounds like we should try our best to discover goodness in every job, including a mundane one.
When we seek, we will find.
When we seek joy, we will find joy.

However, to some people,
after working some time at a particular job,
they seek a room to grow.
People’s need varies from survival, success, to transformation.
We need meaning in our life.
If one wants to change a job / undertake a new career,
it is important to be educated and skilled for the next job / career.
Preparation matters.
While you are preparing,
affirm the followings:
1. I am grateful for my current position / job that gives me an income.
2. I am grateful for the environment of my jobs (the bosses / the colleagues / the food court / the toilets).
3. I am aware that my current job is only a stepping stone on my pathway of life to contribute to this world through my work.
4. I am happily releasing my current job to the next person who will be delighted to have it.
5. There are people out there who are looking for what I can offer (my skills, my service) and the universe will match us.

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All the best!

Written by blueroselady

July 31, 2013 at 2:29 pm

Safety in pregnancy

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NO to caffeine.
Caffeine (found in coffee, tea, soft drinks, chocolate) readily enteres the baby’s bloodstream and accumulates in the brain.
When I knew that I was pregnant in my 1st pregnancy, I started to abstain from cofee, tea and soft drinks.

NO to alcohol. Beware of food with alcohol, e.g. tiramisu.

NO to chemicals.
Organic solvents used in dry cleaning can pass through placenta.
Pregnant women who are exposed to organic solvents at the workplace (e.g. laboratory technicians, factory workers, professionals artists / chemists) may also place their developing baby at a greater risk of developing birth defects.
Avoid chemical finishes e.g. stain repellents, flame retardants, paint / DIY products which emit fumes.
Avoid chemical air fresheners.
Avoid heavily scented cleaning products e.g. dishwashing liquids, floor cleaners, washing powders, pesticides.

NO to hair dyes / perms.
Remember that pregnant mothers are blooming beautifully, you do not need to change the color of your hair to feel beautiful.

NO to cigarette.
Avoid smokers. Exposure to as few as 2 hours a day of 2nd hnd smoke also significantly increases the risk of having a low-birth-weight baby.

NO to deep-tissue massage e.g. foot reflexology, Shiatsu.
No to sp treatments that raise pregnant mothers’ body temperature e.g. body wraps, sauna.

YES to exercise.
Walking is highly recommended for at least the 1st 2 trimesters.

When in doubt, always consult your doctor.

Related:
How to achieve pregnancy (Billings method) in the Dragon year?
Early signs of pregnancy
Challenges in pregnancy
Stay positive, be protective in pregnancy
Improve your lifestyle in pregnancy.
Checklist for week 20 scan during pregnancy.
Insurance.

Food for pregnancy:
soup of Beet root, Carrot, and Dates

Written by blueroselady

May 11, 2013 at 4:57 am

How to deal with rude people? 20 diplomatic survival tips

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I was visiting a friend of mine R and witnessed how rude her dishonest employee talked to her.
The employee often gave R condescending look, used swearing words while talking to R, never said sorry after spoiling things.
R is kind, gentle and soft-spoken.
That’s possibly why she has been taken advantage of.
Fortunately, based on my observations, most people whom R encounters in life are kind & respectful to her.

I could understand R’s feeling, she has to spend her hard-earned $ to hire the employee and yet receive such kind of treatment.

R is a positive woman, she confessed to me that her encounter with the rude has made her appreciate her kind, polite, understanding friends (including me!) and family even much more.

However, once in a while, we may encounter rude people.

Rude person abuses others verbally and emotionally.
So, how to deal with rude people (applicable to rude co-workers, associates, customers, employees, managers, bosses)?

1. Do not expect everyone to be nice and friendly;

do not expect rude people to change,
yet we do our best to be nice / polite / kind to everyone. This is the same principle as the gratitude law / principle: we are to express our gratitude in life yet do not expect gratitude from others. Ingratitude is common and when someone expresses gratitude to us, the person really adds rainbow to our life.

2. Do not ask "Why do bad things happen to good people?", instead ask more empowering / better questions, e.g. "How to deal with adversities / overcome challenges (e.g. rude people)?"

3. Reframe our perspectives / perceptions / beliefs.
Do not feel / declare yourself as a victim because you do not want to worsen your pain.

4. Give the rude person kindness, sympathy, empathy.
Note:
Being kind does not mean that you tolerate one abuse after another.
Being kind simply means that you respond to the other person politely.
Being empathic is nice, but being over-empathic is not. Everything in excess disturbs harmony / equilibrium.

5. Understand that irrationality is a human quality.
A person can be rude and channel their frustrations to you for no rational reason.
R’s employee was rude to R probably due to R being too kind, gentle, much younger, more talented, more loved & likable.

6. Understand that prejudice / bias is also sadly a human quality. The rude person may have some prejudice about our age, gender, race, occupation and so on; especially if the rude person behaves differently to others.

The rude person may also judge you for something else that you’ve done.
It is not easy to shift / change other people & their judgment.
Release our need to change the rude person / to improve them.
Practice the art of detachment.
It is better to leap / focus yourself for GREATER PURPOSEs in life.

7. Seek POSITIVE MEANINGs from the unhappy encounter like what my friend R did, she realizes how wonderful her friends and family are.

Many things in life are relative,
if we have never experience bad things in life,
we may take our blessings for granted.

8. Focus on your GREATER PURPOSEs / things in which we can contribute more values to our lives, our loved ones and others.

9. Align / seek help from the more powerful / wise people who can help us. If necessary (e.g. in the case that you cannot immediately employ any exit strategy), humbly request the more powerful / wise to be a mediator.
Observe how others (especially the more powerful / wise) handle the rude person.

10. The art of endurance enables you to endure injustice / insult / pain / stress.
Be resilient.
吃得苦中苦方为人上人
Use thick face & Love yourself.
Never let the words of others hurt you.
Do not take it personally / seriously.
Don’t Take Anything Personally: Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. … the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering. ~Don Miguel Ruiz

11. Raise your consciousness.
Decide that you are not going to get dragged down into the rude person’s drama; be above the fray.
To quote Rene Descartes, "Whenever anyone has offended me, I try to raise my soul so high that the offense cannot reach it."
Imagine yourself as any of these:
deeply grounded oak tree that no storm can shake my inmost calm.
bamboo that bend but do not break upon encountering rude treatment.
super filter that listen to only kind words and quick to filter out rude words by others.
shielding bubble that protects you from the rude people, the harmful effects will never hurt you.

12. See the encounter as a learning opportunity.
My friend R told me that she has learned things that she will not do (especially subconsciously) to other people from her rude employee (based on what the employee did to her and the hurtful effects on R).

13. Silent treatment. The saying goes that silence is golden.
A study showed that people who completely ignore those deemed rude and offensive were more mentally healthy than those who engage with the rude.
However, this tips works for the rude person we encounter once in a while, but not the persistently rude (e.g. direct bosses / employees / regular customers).
For the rude person that we may have to deal more often at particular time and location in our lives:
Consider looking at the rude person directly in the eye and don’t say a thing (neither disagree nor agree with them).

14. Master our emotion. Do not express fear, anger, pride, to prevent uttering wrong words that can exacerbate the situation.

15. Understand the sources of our negative emotions (e.g. fear, anger) caused by the rude person, then practice the art of detachment.

16. Do not react immediately. Practice Siberian North Rail Road technique (Stop Breath Notice Reflect Respond).
Then you will have more time to choose your response.
Dearest reader, I know that this can be difficult to do, because you might want to fight back in the heat of the moment,
but with practice, like everything else, you will get better.
You can also consult / reflect on what your mentors / guru / jedi will do if they encounter similar situations,
and then make a firm decision on how to respond.

17. Do not confront / burn the bridge if you have little / no bargaining power, e.g. rude bosses, unless you have nothing to lose, e.g. you have secured a better job.
Know when to stand up for yourself. Choose your battle carefully, if the battle does not worth the fight, just use the exit strategies.
How to stand up for ourselves?
Draw our boundaries. Be clear on what we will tolerate and what we will not tolerate.

18. Do not retaliate using threats to prevent agitating the rude person.
Let the universe judge injustice.

19. Beware of analysis paralysis. Do not over think / over-analyze your behavior or the rude person, your history of interactions.

"Someone who is so hurtful towards you does not deserve any more of your energy."

20. EXIT strategies.
For example, my friend can choose not to continue hiring the rude employee.
Minimize contacts / ignore the rude person.
Stay away from any rude stranger.
Keep the rude person out of sight, out of mind.
Leave / avoid the rude person when there is no reason to stay, e.g. just leave / avoid obnoxious drivers. There is no use to talk to them.

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Written by blueroselady

April 17, 2013 at 6:05 am

Posted in psychology

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How to survive in-laws and not end up out-laws? 8 strategies for Asian in-laws

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Based on sharing of a few friends & acquaintances,
some parents in Asia cannot let go of their grown children.
Friction with in-laws can be a primary cause of stress in the early years of marriage.

Depending on each individual’s perception,
a word / sentence can be
well intentioned advice or
interfering / insensitive comment.

How to survive in-laws and not end up out-laws (in the context of Asian in-laws) ?
# If parents need to be confronted, agree that their own biological child, and not the son-in-law or daughter-in-law, do the talking.
# If in-laws are controlling, you can be PLEASANT, APPROPRIATE & FACTUAL.
# Invite in-laws to share a part in your parenting journey.
# DEFINE family friendly policies : holiday plans, home rules & boundaries with grandchildren.

# DO NOT SNUB / IGNORE your in-laws.
# DO NOT TRY TO WIN A BATTLE (e.g. via outwitting / out-talking your in-laws in a conflict) but you may end up losing the war (you risk losing the love and respect they have for you).
# DO NOT ERECT INVISIBLE FENCES to shut out your in-laws because this act only creates greater hostility.
# DO NOT MANIPULATE / POWER PLAY.

Written by blueroselady

March 14, 2013 at 3:05 am

Posted in family, love

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Marriage is a journey, not a destination

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From my old green notebook given by Daddy F:
A great marriage is not when the ‘perfect couple’ comes together,
it is when an imperfect couple learns to enjoy their differences.

Dave Meurer, "Daze of Our Wives"

What counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how compatible you are, but how you deal with incompatibility.
Russian writer Leo Tolstoy
books2012.txt

Do you want to make your marriage more magical?
I want so much!

I have been learning many tips and would like to share with you who kindly visit Blueroselady WordPress.

Some daisy tips:
Send sexy looking lingerie to your partner as a gift.

Hand-make a gift for your loved one.
Help your loved one overcome his or her greatest fear to strengthen your relationship.

Plan your next honeymoon together.
Make a painting out of your favorite photo together.

Give your partner "massage" coupons, on your account.
Indulge your loved one with homemade ice cream.

Spend a day alone with your partner, with all communication devices turned off.
Slip a love note into your partner’s wallet or purse.

Give your loved one a gift each day for a whole week.
Surprise your spouse with breakfast in bed.

Recreate your first date with your spouse and re-live the magical moments.
Take a dancing class together and enjoy the physical proximity.

Spread a little sunshine by doing charity together.

How to enjoy the marital bliss?
Some serious tips are shared below from loving couples.
# Stay thankful for each passing day of love.
# Stay hopeful when challenges come.
# Stay faithful to the love of your life.
# Do not set unrealistic expectations.
# DO NOT COMPARE your spouse to others.
# Do not try to change your other half (unless his / her habits / attitudes / actions are damaging / destructive).
# Remember that every couple will experience conflict, but conflict is not necessarily bad and leads to destruction or warrants a break up.
# NEVER ever use the D word! Do not use divorce as a bargaining chip.
# When a party is angry / in wrath, agree to call time-out / calm down first, then discuss the issue later.
# Don’t start an argument with "You never … " or "You always …" because accusations only add fuel to the fire.
# Support his / her passion(s).
# Always communicate, TALK / SHARE about your feelings / experiences / things that matter most, even though if you are trapped in the rat race of work.
# GENTLE ANSWERS turn away wrath. Keep your tone, volume, body language calm & loving.
# SELF-CONTROL of your tongue not to say what you are thinking when your spouse speak; let him / her finish speaking.
# Guys, LISTEN attentively to your woman without judgment.
# Ladies, do not expect your man to mind-read & get your hints too much.
# Aware that routine helps couples to feel safe & secure, it is also very easy to cross the line from comfortable to complacent. Thus, remember not to neglect each other’s needs.

Spouse = soul mate = lover = partner.

Letter writing exercise:
To my wife
I love you because …
I appreciate you for …
I love it when you …
love,
[insert your name]

Financial tips for marriage:
# Shop around. Check prices around if you need to make a major purchase.
# Simplify, simplify, simplify. Declutter your life to downsize your material expectations & upsize your contentment in life.
# Categorize your shopping list according to necessities, desires, & absurdities. It trains your mind to focus / spend only on what is necessary.
# Resist impulse buying. Use wait-before-buying rule.
# Track every cent that you spend. Budget your expenditure. Use spreadsheet.

Marriage & children:
# Remember always that children are a gift to be treasured.
# Making your marriage work is the best gift to your children.
# Having children fulfills our instinctive needs to nurture, protect & love.
# Seek the JOY that comes from nurturing a new life.
Success in the workplace cannot replace the fulfillment that a healthy, growing family can give.
Postponing parenthood has a price, including a decrease in fertility as ones grow older.

see also:
How to survive in-laws and not end up out-laws?
How to build a marriage to last?
Marriage sharing by Blueroselady

If you find my writings are helpful to you, please donate to me by clicking here.

Written by blueroselady

March 14, 2013 at 3:03 am

Posted in family, love

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