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Posts Tagged ‘peace

DO what you LOVE, LOVE what you DO

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Do what you love and love what you do sound simple, but appear complex in practice.

How many of us do what we love for most time of our lives?
How many of us love what we do for most of our doings?
For many people across different ages and roles of life, here are possibilities:
Dreams change.
Goals change.
Plans Change.

Do you love a doing because you are good at the doing?
Would you still love the doing if you are not (yet) good at the doing)?
Would you still love the doing if you are not (yet) good at the doing (even after 10,000 hours of practice)?

A quote by Steve Jobs shared by Jeff Moore:
"The only way to do great work is to love what you do.
If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking.
Don’t settle.
As with all matters of the heart,
you’ll know when you find it."

When I was in high school,
I love (or perhaps prefer) science subjects because my linguistic skills are limited (reason #1).
Apparently and consequently, I did better in maths, chemistry, biology, physics than in language subjects. People love doing things whereby we have a sense of mastery, do you feel so as well?

My native Chinese-speaking classmates who have learned writing and reading since early age, are at ease in the Chinese class.
My Eurasian classmates who have a native speaking father / mother, or those who have English-educated parents, seem to write English so fluently.
They had read thick novels / non-fiction books and easily won the essay writing and elocution competitions.
For me,
to write an essay in English or Chinese,
I had to start from simple structures.
When I have an exam topic of essay to write,
I would quickly jot down some ideas in point form and elaborated on them later as my writing progressed.
Normally, I would write explanatory or argumentative essays, and very rarely narrative essays, simply because of my limited vocabularies.

Reason #2
There are high certainty in science subject exams.
1+1=2. If the answers are right now, they will be right tomorrow.
We love things that we do well.

But in real life (including the real scientific fields as my scientist acquaintances point out),
the rules of game are uncertain.
The rules are not constant; change is the rule of the rules.
That’s why life is the only known example of infinite game is life, according to James P. Carse.
On contrary, examples of finite games are debates, sports, schools, receiving a degree from an educational institution, belonging to a society, or engaging in war.

The surprise in infinite game is the triumph of the future over the past.
So, when you are uncertain about what to do next, an easy step is to
always choose infinite games.

Winning should not be the final goal because after winning, the game stops.
Life is a game that is meant to be continuously played.
Aunt Florence shared some profound advice on how to play the game of life, you may want (and I need) to revise and remember them,
as resilient shortcuts in the moments of negative feelings and events.

Although I honestly feel that my writing is still not up to standard (set through social comparisons with people of similar professional credentials to mine and authors whom I admire),
I will continue writing.
I think this is an example of "DO what you LOVE".

Sometimes we may have to do things that we are not interested, so it is hard to love what we do.
However, the good news are interests are malleable,
they are formed through our past experiences (including education),
so we can change them through learning and unlearning.
Revealingly, you can re-program your minds and interests through conscious efforts,
this attempt will also beneficial to discard some preferences that we would not want to have if we think carefully about them but others manage to incept on us — think of the 2010 science fiction film entitled Inception.

For example, I know a number of people who have focused greatly on their careers,
hate doing house chores or parenting tasks,
but I believe that if they want to,
with right conscious efforts to shift their interests,
they can love what they do.

How to continue love what you do (even if you feel tired / bored / disappointed / frustrated) ?
My friend Tracy suggests using positive feedback loop.
You can establish positive feedback loop when the rewards / pleasure of your doing outweigh the sacrifices / pain.

To DO what you LOVE, you need willpower and courage.
To LOVE what you DO, you need positive feedback and inner security.

Inner security that I means here is not worrying so much about achieving certain levels of success.

More real-world examples:
# Joanna: becoming a mother at age 48
# My friend Leo highlights that people rule out the possibility of great change, because it appears unrealistic.

Finally,
"Do what you love, love what you do & deliver more than you promise!" ~ Harvey Mackay

Written by blueroselady

September 25, 2013 at 4:56 am

How to deal with abusive spouse? 6 loving tips to survive

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A real life story:
I was surprised by what my friend X has done on the 4th Sunday of June 2013.
She reported her spouse to the police for making repetitive threats that he will kill her.
The couple appears loving to me.
They are kind, charming, polite, educated people.

X and her spouse are from a Christian family,
and I know many loving Christian families
who endure hardship and have long lasting marriages.
However,
as one of the priests (whom I had the fortune to listen to) mentioned,
the Church comprises saints and evils.
Instead of naively believing everyone is good (人心本善),
my view is that,
no matter a person believes in a religion or not,
a person can have the potential to be good or bad.
What matter is to discover the potential to be good, be good and do good.

X shared with me that her spouse has been abusive to her,
she does not know if she is supposed to continue tolerating his actions.

According to BabyCenter,
domestic violence doesn’t have to be physical: it can also be psychological, sexual or financial.

People often assume that women (girlfriends / wives) who are abused come from disadvantaged or deprived communities, but middle-class women (like X) are abused too.

X told me that although she was fearful for her husband’s job,
she has gathered all courage to face the consequences of reporting her husband’s threats.

According to her, her spouse:

# threatens to divorce X, knowing that X wants to hold the family together.
I asked X if he did so only when he was angry at X, but he also did that after they have reconciled,
hence giving X emotional stress.
(X seems to be the bedrock of the marriage.
It is not easy to be the bedrock of a family, a society, a nation.)

# threatens that he will kill X.

# makes X apologize for many times, even after X thinks that they have reconciled over a disagreement / dispute. X’s spouse would want X to kneel for even small matter, which X did to appease him.

# threatens to bully their child.

# seems to be 斤斤计较 / petty-minded / selfish.
X’s spouse was unhappy if X is using laptop or appears to X’s spouse taking care of their child less.
I believe that no matter how superwoman a mother is,
a mother deserves a break.

X mentioned that her spouse argued that if he did not see her taking care of their child,
then it would not be considered as taking care of their child.
Many times, X quietly does the house chores and child caring beyond what they agreed upon.
Then, I learned that
X and he grew up in different family backgrounds.
X was raised in high discipline and independent setting,
whereas he was pampered and spoiled by his mother,
who does not mind being scolded "stupid", "fat pig" by his son.
X does not accept this because to her,
she owes a life to parents.
Such a lack of respect attitude of X’s spouse is perhaps a factor of why X’s spouse is abusive.

Reflection: in my experience, I observe that people who are stingy tend to be 斤斤计较.
Although being stingy and frugal is different,
there is only a fine line between them.
It is important to be aware of the difference.
We strive to be frugal but not stingy.

# often blames X for consequences that are also due to his behavior / actions.

If I am his friend, I will likely to get another perspectives.
However, I am a friend of X,
so many of my sharing will be based on X’s standing point.

Here are loving tips for victims / survivors like X:
1. Love.
Love yourself.
If you do not love yourself,
it is hard to love your children.
Only when you love yourself,
you can genuinely love your children and spouse.
If you do not love yourself,
you cannot love your enemy.

In my opinion, X’s spouse suffers from low self-esteem.
He does not love himself enough,
so he unleashes his built-up anger, resentment, frustrations to his wife,
because he knows that his wife is always forgiving him.

Forgiving is a virtue, but forgiving without loving yourself is not forgiving.
Loving yourself here does not mean being selfish.
Loving yourself means respecting yourself.
A mentor said,
although
(i) Matthew 5:43-48 writes
"Don’t resist violence! If you are slapped on one cheek, turn the other too."
(ii) "No, not seven times," answered Jesus, "but seventy times seven." Matthew 18: 21-22.
but if you cannot be (physically / emotionally) alive after being slapped (inclusive of being abused),
and you have the responsibility to be alive
for the sake of your aging parents and young children,
you are being selfish to them
for upholding what you believe in "false sense of forgiving".
Moreover,
although you aspire to be like your role models (e.g. Saints),
you are just a human being.

2. Pray.
Pray in the morning when you wake up and at night before your sleep.
Daily prayers really help.
Praying is a form of believing,
the law of belief works.

The family that prays together stays together
.
Praying together allows you to communicate with each other.

3. Seek family help.
X told me that she has been informing her spouse’ parents on the repetitive threats,
but they told X that he was joking.
Some jokes are not funny.
His family seems to tolerate his abusive behaviors to X.

On a side note,
X feels sorry for her parents in law,
because they are among the nicest to X.
They love to offer buying her food,
but perhaps very kind parents who do everything for their children,
may result in children who take things (including people) for granted.
X is wise enough not to blame her parents in law,
because we are all victims of victims.
X shared with me that her mother in law lost her father in her early childhood,
so she showered all his love to X’s spouse.

Indeed, according to BabyCenter,
it is not true that all men who are violent have grown up in violent homes.
Honestly, I want to have parents in-law like X’s parents-in law, but not a spouse like X’s spouse.

4. Seek spiritual / religious supports.
Personally,
I believe in God and a religion,
so it helps me in my daily life.
A friend who had a severe accident (she ended up wheelchair bound) also found serenity in religion.

Marriage is a major event in human life,
so when one’s marriage is shaken,
it is natural to feel insecure.
But,
human beings have the capacity to harness our inner security / inner peace.

In the case of X,
X told me that she had tried to seek religious helps.
She went to counseling at church,
but he refused to go.

Before their marriage,
X told me that they attended Marriage Preparation Course,
and things seemed OK at that time.
Both proceeds to the marriage at their own free will.

There are also other spiritual supports.
Louise Hay suggests us to repeat,
"All my relationships are harmonious."

X was a migrant from a developing country,
who struggled since her early life,
although she has evolved into an educated woman,
I sense that she still have some traces of feelings of unworthiness / a belief that she is unlovable,
that’s why she attracted her abusive spouse.

Fortunately, X is aware of it and is working hard to change herself.
She is indeed lovable.
She recalled her spouse asked why she wants to get married with him,
given her good qualities.

The good news is
when we change ourselves (change our habits / beliefs / behaviors),
the other person will change or
he will leave our lives.

5. Seek legal supports.
This is what X did by reporting her abusive husband to the police.

If there is an immediate threat to your life, call 999.
Otherwise, a police report can be lodged at any Neighbourhood Police Centre (NPC).

In family violence cases, the Police is concerned with the following:
(i). The safety of the victim / any physical injuries?
(ii). With the consent of the victims, the Police will also refer them to the relevant Family Service Centres or Crisis Shelters for assistance.
(iii). If they wish to seek further legal protection, they will be advised to apply for a Personal Protection Order from the Family Court.
(iv). Where warranted, the Police will take action to prosecute the perpetrator.

6. Seek social supports.
A social worker told me,
after listening to many problems of people,
if you put your problem into a pile where others also put their problems,
and you have to take a problem,
you will definitely choose to take yours back and not others.

However, if your life is being threatened,
you must take actions to protect yourself and your children.

You can call / visit the Family Service Centre near your home if you need help or advice, or if you just need to talk to someone.

If you find my post useful to you, please donate to me. Thank you!
If you are a victim of domestic violence,
I pray for you to regain harmonious relationships.

Written by blueroselady

June 24, 2013 at 10:40 am

How to play the game of life?

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In the 3rd weekdays of September 2012, I finished reading a classic entitled "The game of life and how to play it" written by Florence Scovel Shinn which was published in 1925, that was 87 years ago!
Due to different era of writing, honestly I do not understand every detail that she wrote, but I am so grateful that I grasp the most important essences.

Every game has rules:
Forgiveness law*. Quickly apply this law when you are erred / angry / disappointed.
Karma / cause-and-effect law. Reading horoscopes / bazi (八字) deals only with the cause-and-effect law, but a very strong mind can neutralize a prophecy of evil. For example, a horoscope reader once told my mother that she will live until 65. I do not believe it. Knowing how positive my mother is in her thought (she survived and overcame disasters and deaths calmly), I believe that she will live a much longer life with her healthy mind and body. God, I pray to you to take care the woman I love most.
Expectancy law*
Gratitude / appreciation law*
Divine protection law*. This law is useful to deal with the fear of forgetfulness. I cannot lose anything that belong to me. Anything lost, will be returned, or I will receive its equivalent.
Prosperity law*
Substitution law

Our thoughts significantly affect our lives.
What we imagine, sooner or later externalize.
Therefore, I strive to always think positive.
Sometimes, when you read self-help book, you will find some negative examples.

But the good news is positive thoughts and affirmations are many times more powerful than negative thoughts.
If you realize that you are thinking something negatively, quickly replace them with positive thoughts / affirmations / explanations.

By understanding the game of life, we enjoy love, happiness, health, prosperity / wealth, and self-actualization / self-expression.
Believe that each of us has the power to bless, heal, and prosper.

According to Florence, we have
1. conscious mind
2. subconscious mind / soul
3. superconscious mind / spirit

Notes to apply in life (based on the book and Blueroselady’s interpretations):
To use my conscious mind to reject negative thoughts / beliefs / opinions but to promote positive thoughts.

Our conscious mind can be the best FILTER we have to select thoughts and ideas that BLESS, HEAL, INSPIRE, and FILL our soul with JOY.
The subsconscious mind does not understand humors, so please do not say / joke about negative things. The same advice was also given by Joseph Murphy in his 1963 book: The Power of Your Subconscious Mind.

The forgiveness law is stronger than the cause-and-effect law. Always seek forgiveness for our mistakes and forgive others.
To talk about only what we want, not what we do not want. To say words that heal, bless, or prosper. Do not complain, criticize, or gossip. What man condemns in others, he attracts to himself.

Say thanks for our blessings (gratitude / appreciation law) when we wake up and before we sleep.
To be prosperous, we must be orderly (e.g. then our finances can be in order). De-clutter our lives.
Give (gifts, tithe) with love and cheerfulness. Give without expecting returns / gratitude from others; but receive my gifts with happiness and gratitude (if one does not accept the returns of his kindness, one violates law for all gifts are from God and people are merely the channel). Do not think that the giver will suffer a lack as a result of giving to us, because we are giving the giver an opportunity to do an act of kindness.

How to impress our subconscious mind?
1. active faith. Faith = an effort of will.
2. music
3. making-believe (like little children)

Why is the forgiveness law is stronger than the cause-and-effect law?

1. God has redeemed us from the karma law.
2. The God within us is our Redeemer and Savior.
3. If our past wrong cannot be righted, its effect can be neutralized by doing an act of kindness in the present.

Why is it important to say thanks for our blessings when we wake up and before we sleep?
1. Man often suffers loss through lack of appreciation. For example, a man who says he does not care about his marriage (to a nice wife) ends up losing his wife because his subconscious mind works to get him unmarried. Do not be indifferent / critical / unispiring to your partner, because this means you do not appreciate / are note grateful for your partner.

2. Being grateful allows me to be in equilibrium / HARMONY with my desire, hope, and ambitions.

On the importance of the HARMONY:
We must be in harmony with a thing in order to attract it.

2 attitudes of mind cause loss:
1. lack of appreciation / gratitude. For example, a man who does not appreciate his wife and losing her.
2. fear of loss. This fear makes a picture of loss in the subconscious.

INTUITION
intuition = to be taught from within.

Ask, and it shall be given you,
seek, and ye shall find,
knock, and it shall be opened unto you.
(Mat 7:7)

A real simple example of this Bible phrase is when I find a seat on crowded trains for most of the time.
I always go to the platform with less people (applying the SEEK).
While waiting for the train to come, I pray that there will be a seat for me (expectancy law).

Sometimes, there will be an empty seat for me because someone just get down when I board the train.
Sometimes, a kind person gives his / her seat for me. I try my best to thank the person twice, when I sit down and when I leave the train (gratitude law). I do not think that I am depriving the person a seat because I am giving an opportunity for the person to do an act of kindness. Moreover, not many people bother to thank others twice. In doing so, I hope that I can encourage more kindness.

Sometimes, people will just continue reading newspapers / playing with their IT gadgets / returning to sleep (in the seat reserved for pregnant women!), even though they may see my pregnant tummy. This can be challenging when I am tired / dizzy, yet I tell myself to practice the forgiveness law. These people may also be tired from working whole day.

I pray that an empty seat will become available by the next station.
Because I cannot move fast, someone may arrive at that desired seat faster than me.
In this case (applying the ASK), I say "sorry, can you please let me sit? Thank you".

Most time people will give the seat to me.
Of course the person can say No, but I believe that I will be safe throughout my journey (divine protection law).

Ask with faith (believing).
Desire without worry.

Act as if I have already received (prosperity, health, happiness).

We can control any situation if we can control ourselves.
When one loses his temper, he loses his power.

No man can fail, if a person sees him successful.

Therefore, we often hear the saying, behind every successful man, there is a woman (his wife).
Behind successful Blueroselady, there is a man who believes in Blueroselady’s ability to succeed.
The same thing goes when we see (visualize) our parents, children, siblings, friends, proteges successful, then they cannot fail.

Parents, do not over worry about your children.
Why?
Children are sensitive and receptive to the thoughts of others around them, especially their parents.
When parents / grandparents over worry about their children, the little ones attract illnesses / accidents.

Instead, as a mother, I sincerely affirm that I puts my child in God’s hands and he is divinely protected (divine protection law).

Parents should never force careers and professions upon their children.
Let the God in the child has perfect expression.

Suppose you have several talents, how do you know which one to choose?
Affirm: Dear God, please give me a definite lead, reveal to me my perfect self-expression, show me which talent I am to make use now.

Fear less.
Why?
Man attracts what he fears.
See the tips on how to overcome fear.

An old saying:
No man is your enemy, no man is your friend, every man is your teacher.

Positive affirmations (to say daily):
God is love.
God is supply.
God is my unfailing supply, and large sums of money come to me quickly in perfect ways.
I puts my child in God’s hands and he is divinely protected (divine protection law).

As 1 door shuts, another door opens.
Dear God, please give me a definite lead, reveal to me my perfect self-expression, show me which talent I am to make use now.
I have a wonderful work (business), in a wonderful way, I give wonderful service, for wonderful pay (income).

More positive affirmations are here.

Written by blueroselady

September 22, 2012 at 6:25 am

How can I keep from singing

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My life flows on in endless song,
Above earth’s lamentation.
I hear the real though far-off hymn,
That hails a new creation.

No storm can shake my inmost calm,
While to that rock I’m clinging,
It sounds an echo in my soul,
How can I keep from singing?

What though the tempest round me roars,
I know the truth, it liveth,
What though the darkness round me close,
Songs in the night it giveth.

No storm can shake my inmost calm,
While to that rock I’m clinging,
Since love is lord of heaven and earth,
How can I keep from singing?

I lift my eyes, the cloud grows thin;
I see the blue above it;
And day by day this pathway smooths,
Since first I learned to love it.

The peace of Christ makes fresh my heart,
A fountain ever springing;
All things are mine since I am his,
How can I keep from singing?
Singing?
Singing?

Written by blueroselady

June 8, 2012 at 4:47 am

Posted in God, music

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Tips: photography. Practice makes perfect

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Wake up call for my deteriorating photographic skills.
1. Pre-trip: always revise summary notes + images in Ideas folder.
2. The art of combining (beautiful shots + less artistic but memorable). Think summer 2010 in China.
3. The art of post-processing (crop, rotate / tilt, saturation, bw / sepia, clone).
4. The art of narrative (label with venue and dates, quotes / poems).
5. Open your eyes, heart, and mind.
6. Thank God for letting us to see through another angles and lenses.

PS:
1. see diary
2. keep on shooting

@~@
Ref: Portrait and candid photography. Photo workshop. Erin Manning.
I am donating this book to libary, though I have not finished reading.
It is better to share with more people.

Tell a story.
A wide shot of a room
a medium shot of someone’s face
a close-up of a foot / hand or other detail in the scene.

How to photography children or even the grown-ups?
people want to feel respected, appreciated, and comfortable.
begin shooting by talking with everyone.
turn on some music.
blow bubbles.

Written by blueroselady

March 29, 2011 at 12:48 am

2010 International Essay Contest for Young People

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I have written for this competition before and strongly encouraged you, my brothers and sisters, who are students and between 15-25 years to participate and share your ideas.

Organized by The Goi Peace Foundation and UNESCO
Endorsed by the Ministry of Education, Culture, Sports, Science and Technology of Japan
Japanese National Commission for UNESCO, Japan Broadcasting Corporation,
Nikkei Inc., Tokyo Metropolitan Board of Education

The United Nations has designated 2001-2010 as the “International Decade for a Culture of Peace and Non-Violence for the Children of the World” and 2005-2014 as the “United Nations Decade of Education for Sustainable Development.” Additionally, 2010 celebrates the International Year of Youth as well as the International Year for the Rapprochement of Cultures. Young people are encouraged to participate in these global initiatives and play a leading role in promoting peace and understanding among all cultures.

Theme:

“MY ROLE IN CREATING A PEACEFUL WORLD”
What is your vision of a peaceful and harmonious world? What can you and the young people of the world do to realize that vision?

Guidelines:
1. Essays may be submitted by anyone up to 25 years old (as of June 30, 2010) in one of the following age categories:
a) Children (ages up to 14) b) Youth (ages 15 – 25)
2. Essays must be 800 words or less in English, French, Spanish or German; or 1600 characters or less in Japanese, typed or printed.
3. Essays must have a cover page indicating (1) category (Children or Youth) (2) essay title(3) your name (4) mailing address (5) phone number (6) e-mail address (7) nationality (8) age as of June 30, 2010 (9) sex (10) school name (if applicable) (11) word count.
Teachers and youth directors may submit a collection of essays from their class or group. Please enclose a list of participants’ names and the name and contact information of the submitting teacher or director.
(Entries missing any of the above information will not be considered.)
4. Entries may be submitted by postal mail or e-mail.
(Email entries must be in text or MS Word format, with the cover page and essay sent together as one document.)
5. Essays must be original and unpublished.
6. Essays must be written by one person. Co-authored essays are not accepted.
7. Copyright of the essays entered will be assigned to the organizers.

Deadline: Entries must be received by June 30, 2010.

Awards: The following awards will be given in the Children’s category and Youth category respectively:
1st Prize: Certificate and prize of 100,000 Yen (approx. US$1,000) … 1 entrant
2nd Prize: Certificate and prize of 50,000 Yen (approx. US$500) … 2 entrants
3rd Prize: Certificate and gift … 5 entrants
Honorable Mention: Certificate and gift … 25 entrants

* 1st prize winners will be invited to the award ceremony in Tokyo, Japan scheduled for November 2010. (Travel expenses will be covered by the organizers.)

** All prize winners will be announced in November 2010 on the Goi Peace Foundation web site (www.goipeace.or.jp) and UNESCO web site (www.unesco.org/youth).

Please send your entries to: International Essay Contest c/o The Goi Peace Foundation
1-4-5 Hirakawacho, Chiyoda-ku, Tokyo 102-0093 Japan
E-mail: essay@goipeace.or.jp

Written by blueroselady

February 12, 2010 at 5:16 am

Posted in study, travel

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Valkyrie

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This evening, R.Y., M.P., and I had a dinner at Bella Italia. I ordered a prawn linguine that said a small donation will be made if guests order that menu. Then, we had a dessert of many kinds of chocolates, from hot cake to ice cream, in a big wine glass, shared among three of us. Next, we watch the movie Valkyrie.

Apart from the handsome actor Tom Cruise, who possesses a blue and brown eyes, and the extremely lovely Suri, the Valkyrie is a masculine movie. The main lead, Colonel Claus von Stauffenberg was portrayed as a man who beliefs in values of freedom and justice. Too bad the plot was not successful. Then, I learnt about Berlin’s historic Bendlerblock. General Friedrich Olbricht was writing a letter to his family in the last moment of his life, this scene somehow a sympathetic nature of him. But again, I learnt that for most people, we are not entirely bad or good. Most people will have conscience that prevent us from purposely hurting us, yet we are also motivated by our selfish drives. It’s just like the leader in the communication centre, he was asked to choose, his subordinate told him that they could no longer remain neutral. Wars have brought no good, how many lives are gone, how many families are broken, how many talents are wasted. May peace prevail on earth forever!

Written by blueroselady

January 30, 2009 at 12:51 am

Posted in food, movie

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