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5 calming tips to overcome anger

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It is OK for you to experience frustration / anger.
You are not alone.
We all experience frustration / anger in our lives.

Anger is not always bad,
anger helps us to assert our rights.

Anger, like other negative emotions and also positive emotions,
are normal and appropriate
under particular circumstances in space and time
(dynamic spatio-temporal context).

However,
when anger is prolonged / intense / unacknowledged,
it may lead to diseases,
which we do not want.

To quote Ralph Waldo Emerson,
“For every minute you remain angry

you give up 60 seconds of peace of mind.

Negative emotions such as anger / frustration / resentment,
can be extremely destructive,
because these destabilizing emotions blur our vision,
disable us from rational and clear thinking,
and rapidly drag us down to regrettable paths of lives.
There is truth in the saying that
Anger Is One Letter Short of Danger.

It is all right to feel anger
but it is not all right
to express anger violently
or with cruel words.

Anger shows on our face,
can impair our potential to live a happy life.

Angry outbursts / aggression can become a bad habit;
the more one allows anger to take control,
the deeper the brain pathways are carved & reinforced,
because of brain plasticity.
Simply put,
Anger begets anger.

When people are stress / angry,
their body releases stress hormones
like cortisol & adrenaline,
that intensify the amygdala’s sense of danger,
& shut down the calming function of the prefrontal cortex.

We want calmer, more effective & more resourceful ways
to handle our emotions,
especially angry feelings.

We want to prevent ourselves
from getting stuck in deeper problems,
such as depression & anxiety,
in the long run.

Thích Nhất Hạnh / tʰǐk ɲɜ̌t hɐ̂ʔɲ views that
either expressing or suppressing anger
is an end of 2 extremes.
Expressing anger harms those around you,
destroys your relationship with others.
Suppressing anger harms yourself & your health.
Instead, choose to acknowledge our emotions.
Choose calmer & more soothing ways to attend to anger.

Melissa Costello shares that
anger can be a cover up for deep hurt & pain.
In 10 Mindful Minutes,
Goldie Hawn & Wendy Holden also shares that
anger can be due to fear.

The good news is
we can learn techniques
to overcome & deal with
our pain & fear.

Our brain is plastic,
we can train our mind
to be positive.

We can be creative
or learn from creative people
in dealing with our negative emotions.

Roger Weissberg of Yale University
contributed a technique using the traffic signal imagery^
to help people to deal with difficult emotions.

^ Children may prefer we call it traffic signal game,
instead of the traffic signal technique.

How to use the traffic signal technique?
You can get some paper & color pencils / crayons
to draw a picture of traffic signal.

Alternatively,
you can visualize traffic signal in your mind
When you are feeling negative emotions such as anger,
use the traffic signals to help you
to drive & steer your emotions safely.

Red = stop. Breathe mindfully / do some mindful breathing.
Yellow = consider all possible / thinkable / reasonable ways to respond.
In this yellow light stage, we activate our prefrontal cortex.
Green = Respond mindfully.

The traffic signal technique works because
according to Paul Ekman,
we begin feeling a strong emotion much faster
than we are aware of it.

When we use the traffic signal technique,
we allows ourselves to stop and think.
The technique lengthens the time between
the impulse / stimulus and response (either reaction or action)
as soon as
we realize and recognize
our difficult / negative feelings.

According to Victor Frankl,
between our stimulus and response
we have the freedom and power
to choose our response:
the most positive, mindful, meaningful response.
Through frequent practices
of the traffic signal technique,
we can build solid emotional resilience.

Last, but not least,
we can memorize some affirmations & scriptures.
They act as a short-cut
to quickly calm ourselves down
in the intense moment of strong negative feelings.

Examples of affirmations:
# The anger of today is the remorse of tomorrow
# If you are patient in one moment of anger, you will escape a hundred days of sorrow. Chinese Proverb.
# People who fly into a rage always make a bad landing

Examples of scriptures:
# Proverbs 16:32 : “He that is slow to anger is better than the mighty; and he that controls his temper than he who conquers a city”
# Proverbs 22:24,25 : “Do not make friends with a hot-tempered man, do not associate with one easily angered”
# Exodus 2:11-15 : In a sudden burst of anger Moses killed an Egyptian and had to flee for his life! It then took him 40 years of patiently, humbly tending sheep in the wilderness, with time to listen to the Voice of God instead of his own impulses, before he was ready for the slow, la­borious, patient work of delivering the Hebrews from Egypt.

To summarize
@~@ Remember that anger++ = Danger
@~@ Neither express or suppress anger, but acknowledge it
@~@ Traffic signal technique
@~@ Remember that you can choose your response
@~@ Memorize affirmations / scriptures

How to overcome fear?

with 6 comments

Here are my answers to self-analysis questions given by Napoleon Hill to help me to overcome fear. I pray that I make progress to be less fearful and more courageous.

I love the fact that:

  1. I have many dreams.
  2. I am grateful for what I have now.
  3. I am gaining self-confidence as I grow older.

Therefore, I always see my life as hopeful.

I take full responsibility for my life.

I do not complain often.

I do not find fault with other people at the slightest provocation.

I am not sarcastic and offensive in my conversation.

People whom I am grateful to:

  1. MR for his talents and dreams.
  2. SM for her love, practicality, resourcefulness.
  3. AM for his kindness and genius.
  4. MT for her love, greater purpose. I put her photo at a place I can see daily at home.

My strategies:

  1. Every morning and every night, I make use of auto-suggestion to make my mind positive.
  2. I constantly and consciously garner spiritual forces to keep my mind free from all forms of fear.
  3. To overcome the fear of poverty, I believe that as an educated and resourceful person, I will have no problem meeting my basic needs.
  4. To overcome the fear of criticism, I am grateful for constructive criticism. I am aware of the motives of criticism (jealousy, justification attempt by others).
  5. To overcome the fear of illness, I love myself.
  6. To minimize the feeling of self-pity, I think of my greater purpose.
  7. I am trying my best to shift my thinking towards success.
  8. Have you learned how to drown my problems by being too busy to be annoyed by them? Yes, in 1999, 2001, 2005-2006.
  9. I befriend, learn from and share with positive people.
  10. I try my best to avoid / minimize contact / shield from negative people.
  11. I am not easily influenced by others against my judgments. I make my own decision.
  12. Though I am compassionate by nature, I must be aware that it is not my duty to share other people’s worries.

Things to improve:

  1. I have to be more discipline for my definite major purpose.
  2. I suffer sometimes from indigestion. Solution: never let my stomach empty. Eat more often in smaller portions.
  3. I sometimes envious of those who excel me.
  4. My 3 most damaging weaknesses: bad temper, perfectionism, unforgiving.

Thank you: Think and Grow Rich

Written by blueroselady

May 26, 2012 at 8:35 am