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How to play the game of life?

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In the 3rd weekdays of September 2012, I finished reading a classic entitled "The game of life and how to play it" written by Florence Scovel Shinn which was published in 1925, that was 87 years ago!
Due to different era of writing, honestly I do not understand every detail that she wrote, but I am so grateful that I grasp the most important essences.

Every game has rules:
Forgiveness law*. Quickly apply this law when you are erred / angry / disappointed.
Karma / cause-and-effect law. Reading horoscopes / bazi (八字) deals only with the cause-and-effect law, but a very strong mind can neutralize a prophecy of evil. For example, a horoscope reader once told my mother that she will live until 65. I do not believe it. Knowing how positive my mother is in her thought (she survived and overcame disasters and deaths calmly), I believe that she will live a much longer life with her healthy mind and body. God, I pray to you to take care the woman I love most.
Expectancy law*
Gratitude / appreciation law*
Divine protection law*. This law is useful to deal with the fear of forgetfulness. I cannot lose anything that belong to me. Anything lost, will be returned, or I will receive its equivalent.
Prosperity law*
Substitution law

Our thoughts significantly affect our lives.
What we imagine, sooner or later externalize.
Therefore, I strive to always think positive.
Sometimes, when you read self-help book, you will find some negative examples.

But the good news is positive thoughts and affirmations are many times more powerful than negative thoughts.
If you realize that you are thinking something negatively, quickly replace them with positive thoughts / affirmations / explanations.

By understanding the game of life, we enjoy love, happiness, health, prosperity / wealth, and self-actualization / self-expression.
Believe that each of us has the power to bless, heal, and prosper.

According to Florence, we have
1. conscious mind
2. subconscious mind / soul
3. superconscious mind / spirit

Notes to apply in life (based on the book and Blueroselady’s interpretations):
To use my conscious mind to reject negative thoughts / beliefs / opinions but to promote positive thoughts.

Our conscious mind can be the best FILTER we have to select thoughts and ideas that BLESS, HEAL, INSPIRE, and FILL our soul with JOY.
The subsconscious mind does not understand humors, so please do not say / joke about negative things. The same advice was also given by Joseph Murphy in his 1963 book: The Power of Your Subconscious Mind.

The forgiveness law is stronger than the cause-and-effect law. Always seek forgiveness for our mistakes and forgive others.
To talk about only what we want, not what we do not want. To say words that heal, bless, or prosper. Do not complain, criticize, or gossip. What man condemns in others, he attracts to himself.

Say thanks for our blessings (gratitude / appreciation law) when we wake up and before we sleep.
To be prosperous, we must be orderly (e.g. then our finances can be in order). De-clutter our lives.
Give (gifts, tithe) with love and cheerfulness. Give without expecting returns / gratitude from others; but receive my gifts with happiness and gratitude (if one does not accept the returns of his kindness, one violates law for all gifts are from God and people are merely the channel). Do not think that the giver will suffer a lack as a result of giving to us, because we are giving the giver an opportunity to do an act of kindness.

How to impress our subconscious mind?
1. active faith. Faith = an effort of will.
2. music
3. making-believe (like little children)

Why is the forgiveness law is stronger than the cause-and-effect law?

1. God has redeemed us from the karma law.
2. The God within us is our Redeemer and Savior.
3. If our past wrong cannot be righted, its effect can be neutralized by doing an act of kindness in the present.

Why is it important to say thanks for our blessings when we wake up and before we sleep?
1. Man often suffers loss through lack of appreciation. For example, a man who says he does not care about his marriage (to a nice wife) ends up losing his wife because his subconscious mind works to get him unmarried. Do not be indifferent / critical / unispiring to your partner, because this means you do not appreciate / are note grateful for your partner.

2. Being grateful allows me to be in equilibrium / HARMONY with my desire, hope, and ambitions.

On the importance of the HARMONY:
We must be in harmony with a thing in order to attract it.

2 attitudes of mind cause loss:
1. lack of appreciation / gratitude. For example, a man who does not appreciate his wife and losing her.
2. fear of loss. This fear makes a picture of loss in the subconscious.

INTUITION
intuition = to be taught from within.

Ask, and it shall be given you,
seek, and ye shall find,
knock, and it shall be opened unto you.
(Mat 7:7)

A real simple example of this Bible phrase is when I find a seat on crowded trains for most of the time.
I always go to the platform with less people (applying the SEEK).
While waiting for the train to come, I pray that there will be a seat for me (expectancy law).

Sometimes, there will be an empty seat for me because someone just get down when I board the train.
Sometimes, a kind person gives his / her seat for me. I try my best to thank the person twice, when I sit down and when I leave the train (gratitude law). I do not think that I am depriving the person a seat because I am giving an opportunity for the person to do an act of kindness. Moreover, not many people bother to thank others twice. In doing so, I hope that I can encourage more kindness.

Sometimes, people will just continue reading newspapers / playing with their IT gadgets / returning to sleep (in the seat reserved for pregnant women!), even though they may see my pregnant tummy. This can be challenging when I am tired / dizzy, yet I tell myself to practice the forgiveness law. These people may also be tired from working whole day.

I pray that an empty seat will become available by the next station.
Because I cannot move fast, someone may arrive at that desired seat faster than me.
In this case (applying the ASK), I say "sorry, can you please let me sit? Thank you".

Most time people will give the seat to me.
Of course the person can say No, but I believe that I will be safe throughout my journey (divine protection law).

Ask with faith (believing).
Desire without worry.

Act as if I have already received (prosperity, health, happiness).

We can control any situation if we can control ourselves.
When one loses his temper, he loses his power.

No man can fail, if a person sees him successful.

Therefore, we often hear the saying, behind every successful man, there is a woman (his wife).
Behind successful Blueroselady, there is a man who believes in Blueroselady’s ability to succeed.
The same thing goes when we see (visualize) our parents, children, siblings, friends, proteges successful, then they cannot fail.

Parents, do not over worry about your children.
Why?
Children are sensitive and receptive to the thoughts of others around them, especially their parents.
When parents / grandparents over worry about their children, the little ones attract illnesses / accidents.

Instead, as a mother, I sincerely affirm that I puts my child in God’s hands and he is divinely protected (divine protection law).

Parents should never force careers and professions upon their children.
Let the God in the child has perfect expression.

Suppose you have several talents, how do you know which one to choose?
Affirm: Dear God, please give me a definite lead, reveal to me my perfect self-expression, show me which talent I am to make use now.

Fear less.
Why?
Man attracts what he fears.
See the tips on how to overcome fear.

An old saying:
No man is your enemy, no man is your friend, every man is your teacher.

Positive affirmations (to say daily):
God is love.
God is supply.
God is my unfailing supply, and large sums of money come to me quickly in perfect ways.
I puts my child in God’s hands and he is divinely protected (divine protection law).

As 1 door shuts, another door opens.
Dear God, please give me a definite lead, reveal to me my perfect self-expression, show me which talent I am to make use now.
I have a wonderful work (business), in a wonderful way, I give wonderful service, for wonderful pay (income).

More positive affirmations are here.

Written by blueroselady

September 22, 2012 at 6:25 am

DO what you LOVE, LOVE what you DO

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Do what you love and love what you do sound simple, but appear complex in practice.

How many of us do what we love for most time of our lives?
How many of us love what we do for most of our doings?
For many people across different ages and roles of life, here are possibilities:
Dreams change.
Goals change.
Plans Change.

Do you love a doing because you are good at the doing?
Would you still love the doing if you are not (yet) good at the doing)?
Would you still love the doing if you are not (yet) good at the doing (even after 10,000 hours of practice)?

A quote by Steve Jobs shared by Jeff Moore:
"The only way to do great work is to love what you do.
If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking.
Don’t settle.
As with all matters of the heart,
you’ll know when you find it."

When I was in high school,
I love (or perhaps prefer) science subjects because my linguistic skills are limited (reason #1).
Apparently and consequently, I did better in maths, chemistry, biology, physics than in language subjects. People love doing things whereby we have a sense of mastery, do you feel so as well?

My native Chinese-speaking classmates who have learned writing and reading since early age, are at ease in the Chinese class.
My Eurasian classmates who have a native speaking father / mother, or those who have English-educated parents, seem to write English so fluently.
They had read thick novels / non-fiction books and easily won the essay writing and elocution competitions.
For me,
to write an essay in English or Chinese,
I had to start from simple structures.
When I have an exam topic of essay to write,
I would quickly jot down some ideas in point form and elaborated on them later as my writing progressed.
Normally, I would write explanatory or argumentative essays, and very rarely narrative essays, simply because of my limited vocabularies.

Reason #2
There are high certainty in science subject exams.
1+1=2. If the answers are right now, they will be right tomorrow.
We love things that we do well.

But in real life (including the real scientific fields as my scientist acquaintances point out),
the rules of game are uncertain.
The rules are not constant; change is the rule of the rules.
That’s why life is the only known example of infinite game is life, according to James P. Carse.
On contrary, examples of finite games are debates, sports, schools, receiving a degree from an educational institution, belonging to a society, or engaging in war.

The surprise in infinite game is the triumph of the future over the past.
So, when you are uncertain about what to do next, an easy step is to
always choose infinite games.

Winning should not be the final goal because after winning, the game stops.
Life is a game that is meant to be continuously played.
Aunt Florence shared some profound advice on how to play the game of life, you may want (and I need) to revise and remember them,
as resilient shortcuts in the moments of negative feelings and events.

Although I honestly feel that my writing is still not up to standard (set through social comparisons with people of similar professional credentials to mine and authors whom I admire),
I will continue writing.
I think this is an example of "DO what you LOVE".

Sometimes we may have to do things that we are not interested, so it is hard to love what we do.
However, the good news are interests are malleable,
they are formed through our past experiences (including education),
so we can change them through learning and unlearning.
Revealingly, you can re-program your minds and interests through conscious efforts,
this attempt will also beneficial to discard some preferences that we would not want to have if we think carefully about them but others manage to incept on us — think of the 2010 science fiction film entitled Inception.

For example, I know a number of people who have focused greatly on their careers,
hate doing house chores or parenting tasks,
but I believe that if they want to,
with right conscious efforts to shift their interests,
they can love what they do.

How to continue love what you do (even if you feel tired / bored / disappointed / frustrated) ?
My friend Tracy suggests using positive feedback loop.
You can establish positive feedback loop when the rewards / pleasure of your doing outweigh the sacrifices / pain.

To DO what you LOVE, you need willpower and courage.
To LOVE what you DO, you need positive feedback and inner security.

Inner security that I means here is not worrying so much about achieving certain levels of success.

More real-world examples:
# Joanna: becoming a mother at age 48
# My friend Leo highlights that people rule out the possibility of great change, because it appears unrealistic.

Finally,
"Do what you love, love what you do & deliver more than you promise!" ~ Harvey Mackay

Written by blueroselady

September 25, 2013 at 4:56 am

How to use the real estate concept of Joint Tenancy & Tenancy-in-Common to explain your love to your children?

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Recently, I use the concepts of Joint Tenancy and Tenancy-in-Common to help Annie makes peace with her childhood.

About Annie:
She was the eldest in the family.
In her childhood,
she sometimes happily shared her (relatively little) toys with her younger siblings.

Sometimes her younger sister would forcefully took it away from her
and their parents always seemed siding her sister’s.

In her teenage years,
regardless of Annie’s good academic results,
Her father told Annie that he had money to send her to a university,

but he generously supported the tertiary education (including post-graduate) of her younger sister and brother.

After many challenging years,
Annie eventually managed to complete her tertiary education well (without her father paying for her college fee),

secured a well paying job,
and get married.

She has been understanding that the economic situation of the family was different before and then.
However, she subconsciously harbors an anger to her father,

and she only realized it through an incident where her father forced her to surrender her hat to her sister.
Looking back,
she laughed at it,
it was like a little girls fighting for a toy.
Annie was gracious enough to buy extra hat for her sister,

but she was hurt by her father’s action.

Annie has always worked hard to be successful in all her endeavors of life.
From her stellar academic performance to her high commitment for her career,
she is a role model for her sister and brother.

However, her life is not easy.
Looking for an outsider’s perspective,
her life seems the toughest one among her siblings,
because she had and has to fight alone much earlier than her siblings.

Being raised in a traditional Eastern family,

Annie has been instilled with the concept of filial piety since early days of her life.
Her rules include:
"It is wrong for children to be angry to their father."
"Being angry to your parents is unfilial."

While her rules create a filial child for her parents, but it is not healthy to her.

What Annie can do now include:

Acknowledge her feeling of angry.
Anger helps us to assert our rights.
It is OK to be angry as long as one does neither suppress nor express it*.

It is OK to be angry for a short period of time. After all, our time on earth is too short to be wasted on things that we can do nothing about (e.g. those happened in the past).

Expressing anger only creates a vicious cycle.

Nobody likes angry man / woman.
In short,
suppressing anger hurts yourself.
expressing anger hurts others.

Forgive
her parents (and her siblings).
According the Florence Scovel Shinn, the law forgiveness can overcome the law of cause & effect.

Perhaps (in her speculation), in her past life, Annie had been unfair to her own children.
Her father was also perhaps a victim of his mother.
Louise Hay said, "We are all victims of victims".
Forgiveness allows you to release you from the past unhappiness.

Do not let your unhappy past determines your presence.

Affirm herself positively.
In a children book by Louise Hay and Kristina Tracy, af-fir-ma-tion is defined as words that you think or say, and believe to be true.

Examples of good affirmations:
Those who hurt you in the past can no longer hurt you now.
I am a worthy individual because of who I am, not because of what I am capable of achieving and earning.
I do not need the approval of others (including Dad’s approval) for me to feel worthy.

I seek no approval of other people.

How is about setting boundaries?
Annie shared with me that she feels better with less interactions with her father.
As long as she knows that her father is healthy,
she is contented.

Honestly, I am still trying to figure out if this is the a good strategy for her.
After all,
no single approach works for everyone.

From Annie’s life story,
I learn the importance of explaining our undivided share of love to each of our children.

According to Lucy Beresford in her book Happy Relationships at Home, Work & Play,
your 1st child may feel ‘dethroned’ with the arrival of his younger sibling.

It is important to let your first child understand that

your Love is infinite.
Your love to each of your children is whole of what you are capable of loving.
This is like Joint Tenancy,
in which 2 or more owners are seen as ONE entity.

But attention & time are definite.

The more children a family have,
the smaller (but ideally equal) share (of attention & time) that each of the children receive.
This is like Tenancy-in-Common,
in which for equal share of ownership,
the increase in the number of owners,

will reduce the percentage of share of each owner.

However, unequal share is also possible in the co-ownership by Tenancy-in-Common.
The same goes for family,
although parents try to be fair,
and say that they are doing their best to be fair,

human beings are biased.

That’s why parental’s favoritism ^ exists .
This sounds unfair!
However, living means learning to endure injustice (when you cannot fight it) and fight for justice that matters.

^ Parental’s favoritism may exists because of e.g. a father / a mother may favor a child (over another) because the child is more similar to him / her in look / characters / personalities (e.g. personality clash).

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Written by blueroselady

July 31, 2013 at 1:29 pm