Reflections on love: Happy Valentine 2013

Love means giving in without giving up.

Being in love produces the same physiological responses as fear: pupil dilation, sweaty palms, and increased heart rate.

Men who kiss their wives each morning live 5 years longer than those who don’t.

Medical experts suggest you are more likely to catch a common cold by shaking hands than by kissing.

Love and marriage are boosts for your health, so much so that one doctor admitted that if a new drug had the same impact, virtually every doctor in the country would be recommending it.

“Marriage is 3 parts love and 7 parts forgiveness of sins,” Lao Tzu observed.

Do you believe in love at first sight?
According to research, love at first sight is not just a fairy tale. If a person is in the right emotional frame of mind, it can take as little as 30 seconds to fall in love. Physical appearance tops he list for attraction, but a desire to know more about t person is another factor. Interestingly, men fall first but are usually the most fickle, a sign that it is possible to fall in love with more than a person at a time.

In my darkest moment I found my brightest light. I am so glad I found you.

I not only love you, but love that you love me.

A reflection on universal love through a Swedish proverb,
“Love me when I least deserve it, because that’s when I really need it.”
The worst, ugliest, dirtiest, most annoying human being we have encountered is probably the one that we have to love most, because s/he is the one who needs our love or compassion most.

I will tell my children, “when the going gets tough, remember: your mother loves you.”

I love this quote by Antoine De Saint-Exupery:
“Perhaps friendship is the process of my leading you gently back to yourself.”

I also love this quote by Vincent van Gogh:
“The more I think it over, the more I feel that there is nothing more truly artistic than to love people.”

Happy Valentine 2013, with love from Blueroselady.

Ten cool things about Marissa Mayer

1. among the best: No. 3 on the 40 under 40 according to Fortune edition October 29, 2012.

2. wears multiple hats: A CEO, a Mom (to a baby boy since September 30, 2012), a wife (to Zack Bogue since 2009).

3. visionary and ambitious:
(A) Google’s 20th employee, Google’s 1st female engineer. She was offered a job in Oracle, Toyota, Carnegie Mellon, McKinsey, Google. If she went to McKinsey, she could give advice to Fortune 500 companies, but she chose Google (to help change the world), although she admitted that she gave the drilling Sergey Brin and the quiet Larry Page a 2% chance.
(B) has planned to make Yahoo "the absolute best place to work". Will this talent-focused approach make Yahoo’s products more innovative and delightful?
(C) Marissa told Yahoo employees that she will follow
"the rule of 100 million", invest only in products and ventures hat have a good shot at reaching 100 million users and $100 million in revenue. Possible e.g. PubMatic, Criteo, Pulse, Flipboard.

4. Courage to move out of comfort zone. Her personal career credo: "Do things that you’re not quite ready to do. And surround yourself with the smartest people." She gave up daily programming that she loved for moving into management.

5. nurture talent: leadership depends on nurturing talent. Delegate to succeed. Her proteges include Jess Lee (CEO of fashion startup Polyvore).
incredibly energetic, loves hard work, she pulled an all-nighter at least once weekly in Google’s early days. Sometimes I wonder if over-work results in a trade-off, e.g. beauty for women. I find that her photograph by Robyn Twomey used by the Fortune magazine (p49) makes her look older with a line on cheek and no smile. As a woman, I prefer to look younger and smiling.

6. transparent: she admits that she is an introvert, but she is not a loner.

7. Well-educated: In undergraduate, she focused on symbolic systems, that integrates psychology, linguistics, philosophy, computer science. Aims: to figure out how people learn and reason, to endow computers with human-like behavior. She later graduated from Stanford with a master’s degree in computer science. Before then, she got accepted at every college she applied to (Harvard, Yale, Northwestern, Duke, 6 others). It is always good to be interdisciplinary.

8. Well-rounded: her Dad was a water-treatment plants engineer, Mom an art teacher, brother is sport (hockey)-loving. Her Mom instilled in her a willingness to try anything; every day of the week, her Mom took her to a different lesson: swimming, skating, ballet, piano, cake decorating.
This can be an inspiring plan for my progeny.
In high school, Marissa was an all-round over-achiever:
captain of the debate team.
captain of pom-pom squad, thanks to her sheer talent, hard work, fairness.

9. data-driven (she used spreadsheet / matrix to decide which college to attend, which of her 14 job offers to choose upon graduation), democratic, fun.

10. acronym-loving e.g. PB&J = Process, Bureaucracy, Jams.

Bluerosesolady will not pay for her children's college costs

Tamar Lewin of The New York Times wrote that "the more college money parents provided – whether in a absolute terms or as a share of total costs — the lower the children’s college grades."

Lesson 1:
"Everybody has always assumed that the more you give, the better your child does."
Blueroselady thinks that everything popular is not always right.

Lesson 2:
Do not give a blank cheque to your children.
Professor Laura Hamilton (UC Merced) suggested that "students who get a blank cheque from their parents may not take their education as seriously as others."
Blueroselady: Children are the ones who should write a blank cheque for their parents.

Lesson 3:
Both capital / cash and connections matter. Education alone is insufficient, especially if one’s grades are mediocre.
"Affluent families are not hurt most by the lower grades, because they had the connections to get their child a job."
Blueroselady personally hearts those middle-class parents who had worked hard, scrimped and saved, borrowed from family members, taken out loans, used up their retirement funds.

Lesson 4:
Parents, never use your retirement funds for your children’s college costs.
If they really desire to learn and go to college, they have to fight their own battles.

Lesson 5:
Setting goals is highly important.
Professor Laura Hamilton shared that she planned to pay for her children only after they talk about how much it costs and what grades she expect her children to achieve.
Blueroselady: It is important to set goals from early age, perhaps babyhood.

For more info:
More is More or More is Less?
Professor Laura Hamilton, UC Merced.

My confinement notes

Experts:
Jin Jinhua: a consultant acupuncturist at Raffles Chinese Medicine.
Dr Lee Le Ye: a neonatologist at NUH.
Motherhood September 2006 magazine.

Childbirth results in deficiency of QI and BLOOD in the mother’s body.
Solutions:
1. consume tonics and nutritious food. Note: Caesarean mother should refrain from too much nutritious food and tonics in the 1st week because the open wounds from surgery are still healing and infection could set it if body is too "heaty". Tips by Jin.
2. consume iron supplements. Tips by Lee.

Adapt to mother’s "body type".
A mother who is naturally "heatier": do not eat too much nutritious food and tonics. Do not wear too much / too warm. If body is too heated up, will increase risk of infection of open wounds.
A mother who is naturally "cool" should consume more nutritious food and tonics. Dress more warmly.

FOOD
Drink fish papaya soup to boost breastmilk supply.
Avoid too salty food to prevent water retention.
Avoid "cold" food. Why? can weaken stomach / digestive system, result in coagulation of lochia.
e.g. of "cold" food : cold drinks, cucumber, cabbage, pineapple, citrus fruit
Avoid food that cause wind, e.g. sweet potatoes, jackfruit, pumpkin, cucumber, nuts, legumes. Tips by Motherhood.
Avoid food that make you sweat because sweating expands the pores and expanded pores will allow wind to enter the new mother’s body. Tips by Motherhood.
If sweating, must change clothes. Tips by Mum S.

DO NOT OVEREAT.
A breastfeeding mother needs only ~600-800 calories more / day mothers who bottle-feed their babies. Tips by Motherhood.

DRINK
drink lots of nutritious fluids, e.g. red date tea.
can also drink chicken essence, other healthy soups.
water is allowed (Jin).
lochia = the normal uterine discharge of blood, tissue, mucus from vagina after childbirth.

WEAR SLIPPERS. Do not let soles of feet to touch the floor.

Must maintain a normal temperature to prevent heatstroke.
Can use air-con or fan.
Room must have fresh air and allow mother to cool down.

BATHE?
In tropical climate, Keep your body clean by wiping with warm / herbal water.

WASH HAIR?
In tropical climate, If you need to wash hair, dry it immediately to avoid catching a cold.

Note: the rule of not to wash hair and bathe during the entire confinement period probably originated in China during olden times when water facilities were scarce and contain bacteria.

Causes of rheumatism (Motherhood): wear & tear resulting in the inflammation / degeneration of muscles / bones.
Causes of headaches (Motherhood): high blood pressure, stress, insufficient rest.

How to prevent backache (Motherhood)?
1. sleep on a firm mattress.
2. exercise regularly.
3. do not slouch when waking / sitting on the couch.
4. do not allow ourselves to become overweight.

If reading helps us to RELAX, try reading aloud to our baby.
Nothing soothes a baby more than feeling the closeness of his mother & hearing her voice. Tips by Motherhood.

AVOID PHYSICAL TASKs.
because new mother’s joints are weak and loose.
You need not lie in bed all the time.
Do not be sedentary to prevent blood clots in the legs.
Steer clear of water.
Do not mop the floor.
Do not do laundry.
Get more rest.
Stay at home.

BIND YOUR BELLY
Binding your belly only prevents the muscles from sagging.
To trim your tummy, exercise and eat sensibly.

Related:
Confinement meal

How to prevent the arrival of premature baby?

1. No sex.
2. Do not wash vagina with chemicals.
3. No caffeine. No ginseng, red date tea, barley tea, danggui as they constrict womb. If possible, no chocolate.
4. Do not sit or stand for too long. Although walking helps delivery, if you have high risks of premature delivery, do not walk too much.
5. Keep track of baby motion. What is the number of times your baby should be moving daily between breakfast & dinner in your 3rd trimester? 10.
6. Reduce stress.
7. Be safe. Protect yourself from collision. Be careful of reckless drivers, cyclists, roller-bladders / skateboarders, children playing football at non-designated areas.
8. progesterone.

Sources:
Mom Baby / Mama Baobei magazine (2012Jan) p101.
Mother&baby 2012Jun p18.

Christmas 2012: I think I am a geek

While people are in the mood of celebrating Christmas and New Year, I am finding myself to be more motivated and hardworking than ever.

I had shopped for Christmas gifts early (I did it simultaneously when I shopped for groceries and there were sales / discounts). No last minute shopping for me. Thank you for the new bag and book for my Christmas gifts!

I am learning to forgive my boss who is dragging me down. He is slowing the progress of my work. I am also learning about patience.

Due to medical reason, I am not allowed by my doctor (and mother) to go out (including to go to my workplace, church). Fortunately, I can still work using my laptop, read, reflect and think. Pretty happy.

Counting my blessings:
@~@ Finished reading and understanding a couple of books.
@~@ Have consulted and learned from my mentors more than in 2011: the super kind MT, Uncle Zhou, Aunt Ning, Aunt SQ (Dec), Uncle Toni, Uncle Roger (Nov), Brother Adam, Brother Tim.
@~@ Planned for the education of LS and obtained the approval from the father of LS. See pink 2012 notebook page 51.
@~@ Reflected on my lessons (Always remember that there are no absolute failures, but temporary setbacks), past achievements (e.g. PhD), and future plans (including being a business-owner entrepreneur, an agent of positive change).

An important lesson:
Watch your thoughts, for they become words.
Watch your words, for they become actions.
Watch your actions, for they become habits.
Watch your habits, for they become character.
Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.

@~@ Have fed myself with positive food for mind and soul (almost daily and every morning). This is highly important because the Russian psychologist Blyuma Zeigarnik discovered early in this century that human beings remember unresolved problems, frustrations, failures, and rejections much better than we remember our successes and completions.
@~@ Being hugged every morning and night by my man. Tips: Women need to be loved, men need to be respected.
@~@ Sent personalized Christmas cards to my friends.
@~@ Ate Shepherd pie and banana pear yoghurt for the breakfast on Christmas Eve. Shepherd pie reminds me on cold and wet England in the winter.
@~@ No need to spend time on commuting means I can sleep more.
@~@ Delivered an almost 90-minute of talk (based on my notes from books I read in 2012) to LS, with breaks in between. Tired. I must train my stamina because I will deliver more inspiring talks in the future. See books2012.txt
@~@ Dressed up myself on Christmas day, though I could not wear my engagement ring (hopefully for temporary). I love the progress of applying make-up, transforming myself into more beautiful than ever.
@~@ Clean flat (since Dec 23rd) thanks to the cleaning lady. We are sleeping on my favorite bed sheets with the pattern of pink flowers and purple leaves. So far, we only have 3 bed sheets.
@~@ Not being able to attend a Christmas mass, I listened to "On Eagle’s Wings". Always remember that "He will raise you up on eagle’s wings".

@~@ Listened to the songs by Mindy Gledhill. Gothic. Soothing. Fairy Tales.

Finally, Merry Christmas to the readers of Blueroselady. I love you!

What to pack in your hospital bag for child birth?

2 pairs of baby gloves for his hands & feet / mittens & bootees.
3 pairs of baby clothing
Alcohol prep for baby
Aloe vera gel (can be moisturizer)
ATM debit card (sometimes credit card is not accepted) / cash / cheque
baby hat
baby powder for mother (cannot bath, as simple make-up)
birth plan
Blackberry (as phone, camera, video recorder, listen to music / positive affirmations / prayers), earpieces, cable
Blackberry electric charger
comb
Cotton wool for baby
diapers for babies
Dry shampoo for mother
Ear plug (if sharing room, to sleep without listening to the crying of other babies)
face lotion for mother
facial wash for mother
facial wipe to remove oil
fringe stabilizer (for washing face)
Hospital admission letter.
Identity card of baby’s mother and father.
Lip balm (can be moisturizer)
lotion
lotion bought from ob gyn
make-up: eyebrow pencil
Marriage cert
maternity bra (2)
mouth rinse for Mum
Night dress with front opening to facilitate breastfeeding.
panties for mother (3) / disposable undergarments.
Sandal (anti-slippery) for mother
sanitary napkins for mother
shower cap
Snacks
socks for mother
Spectacle case.
sweater for baby
sweater for mother
tissue
toothbrush for mother
toothpaste for mother
Towel and hanger
Water bottle
water-resistant gloves
Wrapping blanket for baby.

Blueroselady's parenting philosophy

Hugs and kisses are MUST things.
No swearing.
Loving what you do and doing what you love.
Dining as a family every night.
Say more "I love you".
No saying "I hate you", ‘hate’ is a very strong word.
Nagging will not work effectively, instead leading by being and doing.

Checklist for week 20 scan during pregnancy

What will the sonographer look at?
The sonographer will examine all your baby’s organs and take measurements. She will look at:
The shape and structure of your baby’s head. At this stage severe brain problems, which happen very rarely, are visible.
Your baby’s face to check for a cleft lip. Cleft palates inside a baby’s mouth are hard to see and are not often picked up.
Your baby’s spine, both along its length and in cross section, to make sure that all the bones align and that the skin covers the spine at the back.
Your baby’s abdominal wall, to make sure it covers all the internal organs at the front.
Your baby’s heart. The top two chambers (atria) and the bottom two chambers (ventricles) should be equal in size. The valves should open and close with each heartbeat.
Your baby’s stomach. Your baby swallows some of the amniotic fluid that he lies in, which is seen in his stomach as a black bubble.
Your baby’s kidneys. The sonographer will check that your baby has two kidneys, and that urine flows freely into his bladder. If your baby’s bladder is empty, it should fill up during the scan and be easy to see. Your baby has been doing a wee every half an hour or so for some months now!
Your baby’s arms, legs, hands and feet. The sonographer will look at your baby’s fingers and toes, but not count them.
As well as this detailed look at how your baby is growing, the sonographer will check the placenta, the umbilical cord and the amniotic fluid.
The placenta may be on the front wall (anterior) or the back wall of your uterus (posterior), usually near the top (or fundus). If the placenta is near the top, it may be described as fundal on your scan notes.
The placenta will be described as low if it reaches down to or covers the neck of your uterus (your cervix). If the placenta is lying low in your uterus, you’ll have another scan in the third trimester to check its position. By then, it’s likely the placenta will have moved away from your cervix.
It is possible to count the three blood vessels (two arteries and a single vein) in the umbilical cord, but your sonographer may not do this. It’s not routine procedure. She will check to see that’s there’s enough amniotic fluid for your baby to move freely, though.
During the scan, the sonographer will measure parts of your baby’s body, to see how well he is growing. The sonographer will measure your baby’s:
head circumference (HC)
abdominal circumference (AC)
femur or thigh bone (FL)
The measurements should match up to what’s expected for your baby, given his anticipated due date. The due date will have been established at your dating scan. If your anomaly scan is the first scan you’ve had, it will be used to establish a due date.

Which abnormalities can be seen on the scan?
Sonographers have a list of conditions to look out for. The conditions are on the list either because they are very serious and may even mean a baby can’t survive, or because they are treatable after birth.
If the conditions are treatable, it will help the hospital team to know in advance. The team can then make sure your baby has the right care as soon as he’s born.
Some conditions are easier to spot than others; some are hard to see at all. Most of the conditions on the list are very rare. Here’s the list of conditions, and the percentage chance of your sonographer seeing each one, if your baby has it:
Absence of the top of the head (anencephaly): 98 %
Cleft lip: 75 %
Defect of the abdominal wall (exomphalos): 80 %
Defect of the abdominal wall (gastroschisis): 98 %
Missing or very short limbs: 90 %
Defect of the spinal cord (spina bifida): 90 %
Major kidney problems (missing or abnormal kidneys): 84 %
Hole in the muscle separating chest and abdomen (diaphragmatic hernia): 60 %
Excess fluid within the brain (hydrocephalus): 60 %
Edwards’ syndrome or Patau’s syndrome (chromosomal abnormalities): 95 %
Major heart problems (defects of chambers, valves or vessels): 50 %

Why hug and kiss your loved ones?

Your children’s brain love hugs.
Remember to actively hug and kiss your child when he/she waves goodbye at school, grazes his/her knee, or he/she gets out of bed in the morning.
Studies (through brain scans by Washington University) have shown that the brains of such early-nurtured kids have a larger hippocampus, a major component of the brain and plays important roles in the consolidation of information from short-term memory to long-term memory and spatial navigation.
A larger hippocampus may make it easier for kids to learn, improve their memory, and respond to stress.

Remember to hug your spouse too.
Hugging releases endorphin and serotonin into the blood stream which cause pleasure and negate pain and sadness, lowers blood pressure and prolongs life.
"Dr Vernon Colemena of London argues that cuddles and kisses are just as important as medicines when it comes to keeping healthy. In America, insurance companies conducted studies which showed that if a woman kisses her husband goodbye every morning, he is much less likely to have a car accident on the way to work, and his life expectancy improves on an average of 5 years, thanks to her morning kisses."