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Do not compare our boss, especially in front of him / her. A lesson from different breast milk colors

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This is a sharing by a good friend of mine KW, with a permission (to share) from KW as long as I do not write her name.

She recently hired a confinement lady (called auntie in Singapore) recommended by her good friend RT, to help taking care of her baby.

In the first week of work,
Auntie seemed very nice,
especially to baby.
This made KW very satisfied.
in the second week,
Auntie started to compare KW (the current boss) with RT (the previous boss).

RT has a maid at home, whereas KW (the current boss) had no maid at home.
So Auntie has to help her with washing dish / baby bottles, washing baby clothes.
Auntie does not have to help with sweeping / mopping etc because KW hires a weekly cleaning lady.
Of course,
by default,
the working environment is more comfortable with RT than with KW (the current boss).

KW slightly complained to me that Auntie is relatively lazy.
KW does not mind cooking rice and soup for Auntie, because KW also eat the rice and the soup.
Initially before hiring, Auntie agreed to help cooking 1 soup / day,
soups are good for lactating mothers.
Auntie does not have to cook dishes, because KW orders tingkat for both KW and Auntie.

KW told me that she tried placing carrots & potatoes near the cooking pot.
But Auntie does not seem to take the signal (it is her duty to help peeling).
Then, next day KW tried more direct method:
writing a post-it note for e.g.
"Auntie, please help wash the vegetables, I will prepare the meat ball."
"Auntie, please do not stack up the bottles while sterilizing" (KW told me that her Avent bottle was damaged because Auntie stack an Avent cup on its inverted bottom, now both are sticking together, the plastic seems melted, and cannot be used).

Actually, Auntie is not very busy.
KW also takes care of her baby.
When Auntie is free and has enough rest,
Auntie will read books.
Few times, KW caught Auntie playing mobile phone and then pretended to play with baby when Auntie realizes that KW is around.
KW told me that she does not mind Auntie plays mobile phone when baby is not crying.
Auntie also locks the baby room.
Auntie does not open the door soon after knocking.
If I were KW, I will be worried.
My wise friend KW asked Auntie for the reason,
Auntie said she is afraid,
because KW rents a room to a (female) tenant.
Then, KW asked if Auntie locks the room,
can KW open with the key after knocking?

Personally, I think KW is a nice boss to work with.
She is polite and respectful.
She also treats Auntie well, give her welcome gifts.
She even told Auntie that it was her fault that the Avent bottle & cup were sterilized until sticking to each other, in fact it was Auntie fault.
Often, KW’s husband helps washing dishes, so Auntie does not need to do this.

Auntie also compares KW’s husband with RT’s husband.
No car vs has car (in the complain that KW does not go outing (kai-kai) as much as RT*).
No automatic light at KW’s home vs better condominium lighting system.
No maid vs has maid (to prepare breakfast, lunch, dinner for Auntie, to wash dishes, to wash baby clothes).

*KW told me that in her first outing to a shopping center, once they get down of taxi, Auntie immediately rushed to see clothes on sale, forgetting baby and KW.

Auntie compared KW’s baby with RT’s baby.
KW was telling Auntie to burp baby for longer period, because KW knows her baby needs burping to be comfortable, or else baby will cry.
Auntie insisted no need to do because RT’s baby no need burping.
Every baby is unique.

However, Auntie made a comparison about breast milk that upset KW.
KW’s breast milk is white in color & according to Auntie is not as yellow & creamy as RT’s breast milk.
Auntie told KW, "Your breast milk is not good in quality, unlike RT’s breast milk".

KW is particularly sensitive over breast milk.
Her first confinement lady threw away her breast milk so that she can feed baby with formula, until KW decided to confiscate the formula (previously KW has to supplement breast milk with formula).
I remember KW crying while telling me that she expressed her breast milk drops by drops every 2-3 hour,
enduring post-delivery pain and the lack of sleep.
She asked me to help her praying to God for giving her sufficient breast milk for her baby.
She said "every drop of breast milk counts",
reminds me on "谁知盘中餐,粒粒皆辛苦", and
inspires me to coin "谁知母亲奶,滴滴皆辛苦" for her .

Though unhappy and did not reveal it, KW was worried because of Auntie said about the color of breast milk.
So KW asked me to search about breast milk info over the internet.
KW also shared with me that she called Joyful Parenting and Breastfeeding 6488 0286,
and learned that
her white color breast milk (like the color of boxed cow milk for adults sold in supermarket fridge e.g. Farmhouse) is normal.
The staff also told her that if breast milk color is like barley is normal (though this contains mostly foremilk).

It is important to remember that breast milk colors may be different for different mothers.
Breast milk can be yellow (like RT’s breast milk) because of possible intake of multi vitamin (e.g. vitamin B, also present in whole grains, potatoes, bananas, lentils, chili peppers, tempeh, beans).

Breast milk colors may also change with the growth of the baby
, to suit the baby’s need.

KW is a smart woman.
She tries to reason (with herself) that her baby is not crying due to hunger,
so her breast milk (though white in color) should be meeting the need of her baby.
She asked me for help.
She called a breastfeeding resource.
She did not directly confront and argue with Auntie.

I like KW,
she is not easily affected by others’ opinion,
though she takes input from others,
check them herself,
and make a decision for herself.

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Written by blueroselady

March 18, 2013 at 6:46 am

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