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God is with us: play and study

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Well, my live revolve around two things: studying and playing. My work is studying, my study is working. Haha, sounds so geeky. Would like to share “God’s accompany me” in both studying and playing.

This is from the purple card with a field of flowers that Brother V gave me during my undergraduate exam period:
“God has not promised skies always blue,
flower-strewn pathways all our lives through;
God has not promised sun without rain,
joy without sorrow, peace without pain.

But God has promised strength for the day,
rest for the labor, light for the way,
grace for the trials, help from above,
unfailing sympathy, undying love.”
– Kristone

Besides immersing myself in library and lab, my other favorite things are watching movies, traveling, and taking pictures. Yes, traveling! I travel through movies that I watch, I also take pictures when I watch movies and travel. I have loved to take pictures since I was a kid, but I am getting interested in the arts & science of taking pictures when I was in Vancouver, a very beautiful city. There is a reason for that, for a sake of letting someone that I love so much to have a look. Enough of me trying to link here and there, below is from a book by Lou Jones.

“A much travelled man knows many things and a man of great experience will talk sound sense.
Someone who has never had his trials knows little; but the traveled man is master of every situation.
I have seen many things on my travels, I have understood more than I can put into words.”
– Eccclesiasticus 14:9-12

Written by blueroselady

August 29, 2007 at 2:39 am

Posted in God, photogprahy, travel

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Tips from various magazines

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@~@
To reduce commute time:
www.workshifting.com

Personally, commute time can be used for doing other useful stuff.
Relax (when the public transports are not too crowded).
Listen to voice notes of inspirations and ideas.
Read: study materials, news, facebook.
Plan.

@~@
According to Sally Poon (a dietician from Hong Kong Nutrition Association),
food of eating out are high in SALT, FAT & SUGAR,
which increases the risk of obesity, heart disease & hypertension.
Yes, we know all these but many times we choose to satisfy our

Minimize fried food.
Avoid preserved meat, e.g. salami.

For pasta e.g. spaghetti: red sauce (tomato-based) is healthier than white sauce.

@~@
"The more time a person spends on the job, the more conflict there is likely to be between work and family."
Do you agree with this statement?

@~@ Things that I must do:
# live my life to the fullest.
# appreciate what I have.

@~@
Short-listed things that I find interesting to do:
# Learn copywriting. Learn writing to sell a strategic idea.
# read The happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin (since January 2012)
# make DIY flash cards. First picture that I found: polar bear of Churchill, Canada. Remember that the cuddly-looking polar bear (thanks to its shaggy fur) can be dangerous. My friend J was given a polar bear soft toy as the first birthday gift from his man, and his man can be cuddly yet dangerous like polar bear!
# attend a Nobel Prize banquet @ Stockholm (since March 2012).
# eat Vosges Haut-Chocolat (chocolate with unlikely flavors like curry, taleggio, and wasabi), partly because Katrina Markoff is an inspiring entrepreneur!
# FIND TIME TO DO NOTHING. BREATHE. An advice by Tim Park, the author of Teach us to Sit Still: A Sceptic’s Search for Health and Healing.
# Remove dust! Dust can cause your TV, computer, laptop to overheat and reduce its life span. When you do house chores of vacuum cleaning, empty the dust bag when it is half-full. With a fuller dust bag, the machine has to work harder and risks overheating.
# To extend the lifespan of your mobile phone, use its appropriate charger, simply because the voltage is different. Do not charge your phone overnight.
# commit to 30-day challenge of writing a book. Thank you Matt Cutts.
# refuse to let work compromise what my body needs: nutritious, regular meals, 7-8 hours of sleep, 3×10-minute exercise.
# hit the road less traveled with a backpack like Paige Chua. She went for her first solo trip to Beijing & Inner Mongolia in 2007. Interesting reflection: city dwellers seek a simple life when travel, but rural dwellers (e.g. of Inner Mongolia) aspire to move to cities (e.g. Beijing).

Quotes that I like:
# "No one shoots you if you’ve got a smile on your face." ~ Alan Wicker, travel journalist.
# "When I visit somewhere new, I always absorb it first as a human being, then photography it as my hobby and then consider if it’s interesting enough to share with other people through Twitter, Facebook or my blog." ~ Ben Southall, Winner of Best Job in the World (2009), caretaker of Hamilton Island on the Great Barrier Reef.
# "Don’t forget that frequent business travellers are often the most frequent leisure travellers." www.businesstraveller.asia
Blueroselady: The next time someone (e.g. CV) tells you and me that he is busy travelling on business trips, he is likely to include sightseeing and leisure activities too!

Written by blueroselady

January 11, 2014 at 3:59 pm

30 revealing ideas from social psychology that can help us to appreciate people and our lives

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Below are interesting points (sometimes with some of personal thoughts & reflections) that I have learned from a course on social psychology taught by Professor Scott Plous of Wesleyan College.

@~@ Know yourself. Seach inside yourself.
LaoZi : "He who knows others is learned. He who knows himself is enlightened."
Benjamin Franklin : "There are three things extremely hard: steel, a diamond, and to know one’s self"
Daniel Gilbert : "We seem to know less about the worlds inside our heads that about the world our heads are inside."

@~@ People often MISWANT.
Blueroselady :
How to overcome the challenge that we are remarkably bad at predicting of what will make us happy?
This question is very important because many of life’s big decisions involve predicting our future feelings.
Examples of life’s big decisions : marriage, career / profession, migration, vacation.
Funny real-life example : a friend J told me that her husband fluctuates between praising-in-the-form of question and complaining:
(1) "why a such a smart woman like you wanted to marry a jerk and stayed on?"
(2) "It’s a nightmare to be with you for the rest of your life, I was enticed by your physical attractions"

@~@ Most people are too preoccupied with themselves to notice our shortcomings (e.g. your pimple, your spiky hair because of having no time to comb your hair because of waking up late).

@~@ "Research has found that audiences can’t pick up on your anxiety as well as you might expect …
Other people are noticing less than you might suppose."
Blueroselady: The next time you have to deliver a public talk / give a company presentation / make a sales pitch, do not worry. Just do it!

@~@ Susan Andersen & Serena Chen, 2002: In our varied relationships, we have varying selves.

@~@ Much of our behavior is not consciously controlled but automatic and unself-conscious.
Blueroselady: Be mindful. We can choose to practice mindfulness.
Mindful breathing… Mindful eating… Mindful doing…

@~@ self-schema vs possible selves
self-schema = beliefs about self that organize & guide the procession of self-relevant information.
possible selves = images of what we dream of or dread becoming in the future.
self-schema strongly affect how we see / perceive, remember, evaluate other people & ourselves.

@~@ major negative events vs minor irritations
major negative events activate our psychological defense.
minor irritations do not activate our psychological immunity.

@~@ Role playing becomes reality.
As we enact a new role, e.g. college student, parent. salesperson, we initially feel self-conscious.
Progressively, the role playing becomes reality.
This reminds me on the message that Amy Cuddy wants us to remember in her TED talk on body language.
Fake it till you make it.
Fake it till you become it.

@~@ How do we decide if we are rich, smart, or tall?
The answer is social comparison (Festinger, 1954) in affluence, status, achievement.
Blueroselady: Many things in life (that I know of) are relative, particularly those that are measurable.
A reader’s question: "I have made a living comparing data in my job / career. Comparing has become my second nature. How can I stop comparing in life?"
Blueroselady suggestions:
# Gratitude exercises.
# Detachment exercises : Detach your emotions from the outcome of your comparisons. I hear you, it is easy to say, but challenging to do, that is why detachment is an art; for the sake of our happiness, we must practice the art of detachment.
# Mindfulness exercises : Remember that (1) social comparisons can decrease our life satisfaction. (2) 人比人气死人 (3) "There is nothing noble in being superior to some other person. The true nobility is in being superior to your previous self."
# Kindness exercises : Be kind & compassionate to yourself, leave behind comparisons with others.
# Affirmations e.g. It is better to be a first rate version of yourself than a second rate version of someone else.

@~@ Children whom other people label as as gifted, hardworking or helpful tend to incorporate such ideas into their self-concepts & behavior.

@~@ Self-reliance
Self-reliant individual is celebrated in Western literature, e.g. The Iliad, The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn.

@~@ Classifying / pigeonholing / labeling cultures as solely individualist or collectivist oversimplifies.
The oversimplification is because within any culture, individualism varies from person to person (Oyserman et al, 2002).
Blueroselady: Remember not to do hasty generalization.

@~@ Interdependent self
# has a greater sense of belonging.
# is defined by social connections with family, colleagues, loyal friends.
# has many selves: self-with-parents, self-at-work, self-with-friends.
# disapproves egotism, whereas independent self disapproves conformity.
# e.g. collectivistic Asian & Third World cultures.
# persists more on tasks when they are failing because wants to meet others’ expectations (e.g Japanese)
# prioritizes WE over ME

@~@ "So far, most of psychology has been produced by psychologists in middle-class White American settings studying middle-class White American respondents."
However, there are ways of life beyond the one that each of us knows best.
Blueroselady: In other space & time context (e.g. sociocultural context), there can be different ideas & practices about how to live a meaningful life.

@~@ Tips: eat before shopping.
Gilbert & Wilson (2000) showed that hungry shoppers do more impulse buying

@~@ Why is your friend’s success can be more threatening that that of strangers?
According to Zuckerman & Jost (2001), you feel that your self-esteem is threatened.
How do people react to self-esteem threat?
High self-esteem people blame others or try harder next time.
Low self-esteem people blame themselves or give up.
According to Roy Baumeister, folks with high self-esteem are more likely to be obnoxious, to interrupt, & to talk at people rather than to talk with people.
Bonus: It is useful for parents to know that
# among sibling relationships, the threat to self-esteem is greates for an older chld with a highly capable younger brother / sister.
# many people could not escape their tough childhoods, which is a cause of low self-esteem.

@~@ Secure self-esteem
# is rooted more in feeling good about who one is than in grades, looks, affluence / money, others’ approval.
# is essential for long-term well-being.
# Blueroselady views secure self-esteem neither as high nor low self-esteem, but self-esteem in equilibrium / in balance.

@~@ self-esteem vs self-efficacy
self-esteem = if you like yourself overall
Self-efficacy = if you believe you can do something

@~@ How to be less intimated (by others) & less gullible?
# remember that personal testimonies are powerfully persuasive but they may also be wrong.

@~@ Self-serving bias?
# attribute positive outcomes to oneself (e.g. own managerial skill)
# attribute negative outcomes to other factors (e.g. a down economy)

@~@ Examples of self-serving bias
# Group members’ estimates of how much they contribute to a join task typically sum to more than 100%. For instance, husband & wife are members of a group.
# most business people see themselves as more ethical than the average business people.
# Pronin & Ross (2006) reported that we see ourselves as objective & everyone else as biased. No wonder we fight!

@~@ Feedback is best when it is TRUE & SPECIFIC.
Specific feedback e.g. You are good at maths.
General feedback e.g. You are great.
To encourage someone (e.g. children, mentees, students, subordinates), remember that specific feedback is more effective than general feedback.

@~@ To improve performance, give self-efficacy feedback instead of self-esteem feedback.
e.g. of self-efficacy feedback : You tried really hard.
e.g. of self-esteem feedback : You are really smart.

@~@ When to listen to criticism & not to listen?
David Dunning’s gentle rule: "if two people independently give you the same piece of negative feedback, you should at least consider the possibility that it might be true"

@~@ Terror management theory by Jeff Greenberg: the reality of our own death motivates us to gain recognition from our work & values, but not everyone can achieve such recognition.

@~@ Competence + perseverance = success

@~@ Success requires enough optimism to sustain hope and enough pessimism to motivate concern.

@~@ According to Jule Norem (2000), defensive pessimism can sometimes save us from the perils of unrealistic optimism.
Blueroselady: Negative emotions such as anger and pessimism are not entirely bad, we just need healthy ways to deal with them.
Tips: Whenever you feel angry, remember that the person you are hurting is yourself.

@~@ Tyranny of freedom? too many choices can lead to paralysis.
According to Barry Schwartz, individualistic modern cultures have an excess of freedom which leads to the tyranny of freedom.
# Choice may enhance regret.
# People have expressed greater satisfaction with irrevocable choices than with reversible choices. This is because when people can undo their decisions they tend to consider both the positive & negative features of the decisions they had made. When they could not undo their decisions, people tend to concentrate on the positive features & ignore the negative features. For example, people expressed more satisfaction with their marriages several decades ago when marriage was more irrevocable.

@~@ Love causes marriage, but marriage would also causes love.
Blueroselady: This hypothesis may explain why arranged marriages (in some cultures) have successfully worked and survived.

@~@ The 5:1 ratio of positive:negative activities
To sustain important relationships such as marriage and parental relationships, ensure that you strive to increase the ratio of positive to negative activities by at least 5 fold.
e.g. of positive activities : holding hands, giving a hug, lending a listening ear.
e.g. of negative activities : arguing, complaining.

More
# Book: Social Psychology. Chapter 2. DG Myers. 2012.
# Notes at the end of email

Written by blueroselady

December 26, 2013 at 3:55 am

Learning preferences and strengths: sharing my method in 4 words

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Since we were born, we have started learning.
Learning and living are integral processes.

Different people have unique preferences and strengths in learning. The secret is to identify our own preferences and strengths,
and optimize them to develop our talents and creativity,
so that we can be of great service to others (while earning a livelihood simultaneously).

Here are quick reminders for myself to effectively, efficiently & effortlessly learn:

1. Intelligence = nature (genes) + nurture (environment). But, better methods / strategies for learning can boost up intelligence. In an analogy, before dyes and color contact lenses, hair color and eye color were entirely genetic too respectively.
2. Learn from how nature works, when one path gets shut down, we can take a different route.
3a. Must build construct / architecture / framework / blueprint. When we have a construct, we can solve difficult problems even when there is a lot of missing information.
3b. Must summarize / make notes.
4a. Must link concepts / ideas with visuals / feelings (synaesthesia).
4b. Try to link together ideas that do not normally connect (use metaphor / analogy). With patience & perseverance, we can connect any subjects.
5. Must use both: repetition / rote memorization + holistic relating / inter-linking.
6. Must create: write, draw, take photos, make videos.

In 4 words:

Summarize
Memorize
Link
Create

Final remark: I appreciate that my ability to understand things effortlessly is improving everyday.

See also:
http://zenhabits.net/how-to-learn-more-and-study-less/

Holistic Learning by Scott Young

Written by blueroselady

October 24, 2013 at 3:51 am

Posted in study

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Happiness exercise: write a short introduction about yourself

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In a series of happiness exercises, I brainstorm novel and creative ideas of doings that can boost up our happiness. Today exercise is simple: write a short introduction about yourself. You can memorize it to remind yourself when you experience negative emotions, to make new friends and build new relationships, or simply to make an elevator pitch.

Here is a brief introduction about myself.

I am an ordinary woman with a BIG dream to give extraordinary service to others.

My love include life, family, stories and writing. I dream of writing a book that is enlisted in The New York Times Non-Fiction Best Sellers.

Everyday, I give my best to live and learn so that I can share useful tips about education and entrepreneurship / business,
that are thoughtful, helpful, inspiring, necessary, and kind.

I am also interested in people, travel, food (especially Asian food and Italian desserts), visual arts, movies and creative ideas.

Counting my blessings, I am grateful for being a mother, lifelong student, storyteller, researcher and marketer; and having good health and more wealth than the yesterday-me.

Thank you very much for being interested in me!

Please keep in touch and feel free to comment.

Written by blueroselady

October 11, 2013 at 6:23 am

Posted in writing

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How to use quotes to better your life? 4 empowering tips

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Do you love quotes?
Do you have a collection of quotes that you love?
Would you please share one or few with me those that you love most (in comment below)?

When I was a high school student, like other boarders, I was assigned to a particular class room for 7-10 pm self-study every Sundays to Fridays, and Saturdays too when it was near the exam period!

I was fortunate that the class room where I was assigned to had inspiring quote written on the black board.
坚其志,苦其心,劳其力,事无大小,必有所成。

Since then, I started to collect my own quotes.

I also learned that by including quotes in my essays, I can improve the quality of my writings, and received higher marks. So, I started to memorize some useful quotes.

Agreeing with my friend Passuello of Litemind, quotes can instantly transform our moods, feelings & emotions, like a keyboard shortcut. Being short & succinct, quotes act faster than books, music & movies.

Toni Robbins highlights the importance of being able to instantly switch our mood, it is a relief to realize that quotes can be one of our arsenals.

We may have already known about the idea that a particular quote expresses, but sometimes we may have forgotten about it. The quote can serve as our reminder.

Sometimes, we may subscribe to popular ideas, but not everything popular is always right. Quotes of different (if not opposing) ideas can challenge our perspectives.

Sometimes, we have an idea on particular issues, but we are struggling to find the right words to express it. Herein, quotes come as a shortcut & springboard for explaining our ideas / established views / formed perspectives to others.

To summarize,
1. quotes are useful to instantly transform our emotions.
2. quotes can make us happy and hopeful.
3. quotes challenge our perspectives.
4. quotes enable us to communicate (write, speak, talk) effectively.

Bonus:
# Quote of the day:
Do our Best
Let God do the Rest
# Quotes at the end of my email

Written by blueroselady

September 9, 2013 at 10:56 am

7 Inspirations from the movie "The Grandmaster" by Wong Kar Wai

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A mentor of mine AC shared with me that he obtained a lot of visual inspirations from the movies directed by Wong Kar Wai / 王家卫.
Since then, I have started to study movies directed by the talented director.
In the spring 2013, I watched a movie entitled The Grandmaster 《一代宗師》 about Yip Man / Ip Man / 葉問 / 叶问 by Wong Kar Wai,
which was three years in the making and more than 10 years in gestation.

Yip Man was a Chinese martial artist practising Wing Chun style / 咏春拳 who have taught Bruce Lee.
The Grandmaster is an integration of artistic and kungfu movie.
I refer to this approach as an innovation,
in which the movie viewers are not only showered with fast and furious fighting actions but also the relatively s…l…o…w melancholy musings, philosophy and aesthetics,
which make this movie unique.

Herein, I share inspirations (not a movie review) that I acquire from watching the movie.

1. I find the style name of 咏春 (that sounds like forever spring) meaningful, because many people desire their lives will be youthful forever like spring, but winter is also part of our life journeys.
If life has four seasons, it’s spring to me before 40. But it then just turned straight to winter.

Instead of yearning for the past time, let us be present and cherish the four seasons of our lives!

2. The martial arts arena (江湖) are the fights of survival and striving to be the top among the martial artists,
those with the highest quality of kungfu skills tend to win, but those with wits also win.
Confucius mentions that wisdom is more important than speed, through the story in which the tortoise wins over a fast-running animal.
Today, in everyday lives of many people, we are still fighting like those martial artists,
people fight with their relevant / specialized skills (in offices / corporations, hospitals, institutions, schools, markets, etc).
All these arena are indeed highly similar, there are honor and rules of conduct to follow and abide by;
and as long as one continues to constantly learning to enhance his / her skills and enlarge his / her wisdom,
s/he will do well.

3. Super fine attention to details, a commitment to one’s career / project.
The reflections of water on the street with a moving shadow.
The thundering rain, the splashing water, the drops of water / blood.
The swirling smoke, the macro visual of dried tobacco leaves wrapped inside the cigarette stick.
The beautiful pristine white snow effects that can make audience feels the bone chilling coldness.
The splintering glass at s…l….o…w motion.
Frames and frames: e.g. the snow covered tree on both sides of the wooden residency of the Gong Grandmaster.
I put my hat off to Wong’s attentiveness to color palettes and the talent of the French cinematographer Phillipe Le Sourd.
After all, a movie is a collection of pictures that move, that’s why movie is also known as moving picture;
and the men behind The Grandmaster seem to make every picture beautiful at super fine level.
4. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
I always love the classic make-up of the 1930s.
The women (referring to the courtesans in cheongsam / qipao 旗袍 in the movie) have curly hair which is time-consuming to maintain in today age, but the effect is glamorously stylish.
They also have thin line eyebrows that are bending like the crescent moon.
I would refer to such a fashionable look of that era as the Ruan Lingyu’s look.
However, some people comment to me that the thin line eyebrows make them look vulnerable and pitiful.
The women express through all their bodies the sorrow, pain, grief provoked by life.
They also imply some mysteries and desires that entice people, including me a modern woman of the 21st century!
Perhaps, women with doe eyes and tiny faces are the most suitable to adopt the Ruan Lingyu’s look, from the perspective of style.

5. The themes of love, loss and the passage of time are prevalent in Wong Kar Wai’s movies, including The Grandmaster.
Even heroes and heroines are not spared from the human experiences of aging, falling ill, and death;
they are often emerging as heroes and heroines due to the tragic of human experiences such as natural disasters, wars, and death of loved ones.
No matter what happen, we want to cherish our love now,
before we loss some people who are truly dearest to us.

6. While we love many things (including people who are dearest to us), we must practice the art of detachment.
To quote Bruce Lee, "My instructor, Professor Yip Man, head of the wing chun school, would come up to me and say: Let your mind, the basic reality, do the counter-movement without any interfering deliberation. Above all, learn the art of detachment."
I will share about how to love and detach in harmonious ways in the near future.

7. Have you ever wondered why artistic movies often have sad endings?
In the movie, Yip Man’s wife died without seeing him after he moved to HK and Gong Er (inspired by female legend, Shi Jianqiao) could only keep Yip Man in her heart since Yip Man is a married man and Gong has vowed not to marry ( 獨行道) for the sake of revenging for the death of his father.
The tragic of life has appeal to the viewers,
人生如戏,
that is why movies, especially artistic movies, explore themes such a ‘tragic fate’ persona.
but we can also create our own real movie that has a happy ending,
let us be a master director of our ‘fate’.

Related:
http://cinemainterruptus.wordpress.com/2013/02/04/movie-review-the-grandmaster-yi-dai-zong-shi/
http://moonlightknighthk.wordpress.com/2013/01/24/meanings-of-the-grandmaster/
http://feelpositive.wordpress.com/2013/02/15/the-grandmaster/

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Written by blueroselady

April 22, 2013 at 4:14 pm

How to age healthily? 14 nutritious & delicious tips that are less commonly applied

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Growing up and growing old is inevitable.
Now, the question is: how can we age happily, healthily, and graciously?
Here are tips that are related (and semi-related) to food – one of the most basic need of human beings according to the Maslow’s hierarchy of needs.

1. Do not let negative stereotypes hold you back.
Believe that you can be healthy and independent.
Have a strong faith that you can contribute values to society and enjoy lives (e.g. travel the world, do exciting activities such as skydiving).
A positive attitude is essential to keep your appetite well.

2. Be aware that the speed / rate we age varies depend on genetics, environmental influences (e.g. pollutants), and lifestyles (including diet, exercise).
In Singapore, the average life span is 81 years old as of 2013.

3. Be physically self-sufficient, so that you can cook for yourself (home-cooked food is always the best!), you can have fun independently.

4. Be financially self-sufficient, so that you can afford to buy nutritious healthy food.
Never ever be financially dependent on progenies / children / nephews / nieces.
Raising children != investing.
Story A:
A good friend of mine K helped to arrange for an elderly care for his divorced uncle.
The old man’s sons refused to take care of him, fortunately he still has a filial nephew.
But how many people like K are out there?
Story B:
A middle age woman whom I know well kindly shared with me that although our world promotes filial piety and even children story books strongly encourage children to love their parents regardless of the economic capabilities of their parents, people can still be affected financially.
Elderly parents who are financially independent can be more likable / gain more respects because they do not have to give additional financial burden to their adult children who have to raise young family.

5. Be emotionally self-sufficient.
You will no longer need daily companions of your children when they go to study / work.
If they visit you daily, it is good.
If they are too busy to visit you, you can pray for their well-beings and success, you can call them using telephones, Skype, KakaoTalk, etc.
The elderly can also seek friends of similar interests / do activities that they have longed for doing.

6. To prevent osteoporosis and fractures, increase intake of Calcium, vitamin D, protein, and do weight-bearing exercises e.g. hiking, dancing.

7. To obtain sufficient vitamin D, spend 10 min under the sun daily or consume oily fish.

8. Eat smaller portion s-l-o-w-l-y but more often.
Enjoy your meal.
Live to eat,
savor every bite and sip.

9. Eat colorfully!
Fruit and vegetables of different colors provide different vitamins and minerals.

10. Eat diversely.
Travel the world through your taste buds.
Consider having each of these per day in a period of 1 week / 10 days / 2 weeks:
Korean food,
Japanese food,
Sichuan food,
Cantonese food,
Vietnamese food,
Peranakan food,
Indian food,
Italian food,
French food,
… and the list goes on.

11. Eat whole grains (e.g. brown rice).
If it is too hard for you, consider the followings:
Cut food into small piece / ground the meat.
Eat softer / mashed / pureed food, just like how babies eat!
Try juices & pureed fruits.

12. Select fats wisely.
Olive oil, sunflower oil, avocado are better sources of fat.
Avoid trans fat that are high in content in fried food, bakery, cakes.
Reduce butter, full cream milk, coconut milk as they have saturated fat.

13. Keep hydrated.
Ensure that you urinate 10-12x within 24 hours.
If not, it means that you do not drink enough.
Apple juice-like of urine color indicates dehydration.

14. As one ages, one will lose teeth and lose senses in taste buds.
Chewing meat to enjoy the taste only is insufficient to obtain protein, you must eat the meat.

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Written by blueroselady

April 18, 2013 at 7:32 am

How to deal with rude people? 20 diplomatic survival tips

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I was visiting a friend of mine R and witnessed how rude her dishonest employee talked to her.
The employee often gave R condescending look, used swearing words while talking to R, never said sorry after spoiling things.
R is kind, gentle and soft-spoken.
That’s possibly why she has been taken advantage of.
Fortunately, based on my observations, most people whom R encounters in life are kind & respectful to her.

I could understand R’s feeling, she has to spend her hard-earned $ to hire the employee and yet receive such kind of treatment.

R is a positive woman, she confessed to me that her encounter with the rude has made her appreciate her kind, polite, understanding friends (including me!) and family even much more.

However, once in a while, we may encounter rude people.

Rude person abuses others verbally and emotionally.
So, how to deal with rude people (applicable to rude co-workers, associates, customers, employees, managers, bosses)?

1. Do not expect everyone to be nice and friendly;

do not expect rude people to change,
yet we do our best to be nice / polite / kind to everyone. This is the same principle as the gratitude law / principle: we are to express our gratitude in life yet do not expect gratitude from others. Ingratitude is common and when someone expresses gratitude to us, the person really adds rainbow to our life.

2. Do not ask "Why do bad things happen to good people?", instead ask more empowering / better questions, e.g. "How to deal with adversities / overcome challenges (e.g. rude people)?"

3. Reframe our perspectives / perceptions / beliefs.
Do not feel / declare yourself as a victim because you do not want to worsen your pain.

4. Give the rude person kindness, sympathy, empathy.
Note:
Being kind does not mean that you tolerate one abuse after another.
Being kind simply means that you respond to the other person politely.
Being empathic is nice, but being over-empathic is not. Everything in excess disturbs harmony / equilibrium.

5. Understand that irrationality is a human quality.
A person can be rude and channel their frustrations to you for no rational reason.
R’s employee was rude to R probably due to R being too kind, gentle, much younger, more talented, more loved & likable.

6. Understand that prejudice / bias is also sadly a human quality. The rude person may have some prejudice about our age, gender, race, occupation and so on; especially if the rude person behaves differently to others.

The rude person may also judge you for something else that you’ve done.
It is not easy to shift / change other people & their judgment.
Release our need to change the rude person / to improve them.
Practice the art of detachment.
It is better to leap / focus yourself for GREATER PURPOSEs in life.

7. Seek POSITIVE MEANINGs from the unhappy encounter like what my friend R did, she realizes how wonderful her friends and family are.

Many things in life are relative,
if we have never experience bad things in life,
we may take our blessings for granted.

8. Focus on your GREATER PURPOSEs / things in which we can contribute more values to our lives, our loved ones and others.

9. Align / seek help from the more powerful / wise people who can help us. If necessary (e.g. in the case that you cannot immediately employ any exit strategy), humbly request the more powerful / wise to be a mediator.
Observe how others (especially the more powerful / wise) handle the rude person.

10. The art of endurance enables you to endure injustice / insult / pain / stress.
Be resilient.
吃得苦中苦方为人上人
Use thick face & Love yourself.
Never let the words of others hurt you.
Do not take it personally / seriously.
Don’t Take Anything Personally: Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. … the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering. ~Don Miguel Ruiz

11. Raise your consciousness.
Decide that you are not going to get dragged down into the rude person’s drama; be above the fray.
To quote Rene Descartes, "Whenever anyone has offended me, I try to raise my soul so high that the offense cannot reach it."
Imagine yourself as any of these:
deeply grounded oak tree that no storm can shake my inmost calm.
bamboo that bend but do not break upon encountering rude treatment.
super filter that listen to only kind words and quick to filter out rude words by others.
shielding bubble that protects you from the rude people, the harmful effects will never hurt you.

12. See the encounter as a learning opportunity.
My friend R told me that she has learned things that she will not do (especially subconsciously) to other people from her rude employee (based on what the employee did to her and the hurtful effects on R).

13. Silent treatment. The saying goes that silence is golden.
A study showed that people who completely ignore those deemed rude and offensive were more mentally healthy than those who engage with the rude.
However, this tips works for the rude person we encounter once in a while, but not the persistently rude (e.g. direct bosses / employees / regular customers).
For the rude person that we may have to deal more often at particular time and location in our lives:
Consider looking at the rude person directly in the eye and don’t say a thing (neither disagree nor agree with them).

14. Master our emotion. Do not express fear, anger, pride, to prevent uttering wrong words that can exacerbate the situation.

15. Understand the sources of our negative emotions (e.g. fear, anger) caused by the rude person, then practice the art of detachment.

16. Do not react immediately. Practice Siberian North Rail Road technique (Stop Breath Notice Reflect Respond).
Then you will have more time to choose your response.
Dearest reader, I know that this can be difficult to do, because you might want to fight back in the heat of the moment,
but with practice, like everything else, you will get better.
You can also consult / reflect on what your mentors / guru / jedi will do if they encounter similar situations,
and then make a firm decision on how to respond.

17. Do not confront / burn the bridge if you have little / no bargaining power, e.g. rude bosses, unless you have nothing to lose, e.g. you have secured a better job.
Know when to stand up for yourself. Choose your battle carefully, if the battle does not worth the fight, just use the exit strategies.
How to stand up for ourselves?
Draw our boundaries. Be clear on what we will tolerate and what we will not tolerate.

18. Do not retaliate using threats to prevent agitating the rude person.
Let the universe judge injustice.

19. Beware of analysis paralysis. Do not over think / over-analyze your behavior or the rude person, your history of interactions.

"Someone who is so hurtful towards you does not deserve any more of your energy."

20. EXIT strategies.
For example, my friend can choose not to continue hiring the rude employee.
Minimize contacts / ignore the rude person.
Stay away from any rude stranger.
Keep the rude person out of sight, out of mind.
Leave / avoid the rude person when there is no reason to stay, e.g. just leave / avoid obnoxious drivers. There is no use to talk to them.

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Written by blueroselady

April 17, 2013 at 6:05 am

Posted in psychology

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How to keep and realize your lifelong dream? inspirations from Ang Lee

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Have you watched any the following movies:
Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon,
Brokeback Mountain,
Life of Pi,
Eat Drink Man Woman
?
If yes, you may wonder who the director is.
He is Ang Lee or 李安.

Recently, I read an article about him from a sharing of my Burmese friend through facebook.
Hearing about the Buddhists-Muslims violence spreads in Myanmar,
made me feel sad,
I can only pray that may peace prevail in Burma,
the land of gold.

Back to Ang Lee, although I do not like his movie Lust, Caution, the biography of Ang Lee is inspiring.

Ang Lee: "In 1978, as I applied to study film at the University of Illinois, my father vehemently objected. He quoted me a statistic: Every year, 50,000 performers compete for 200 available roles on Broadway. Against his advice, I boarded a flight to the U.S. This strained our relationship. In the two decades following, we exchanged less than a hundred phrases in conversation."

Often, people perceive the strong-willed as being stubborn, rebellious, as hard as a stone.
Blueroselady thinks that Ang Lee is among strong-willed people, and only the strong-willed can succeed against the odd.
But being strong-willed alone is insufficient.

Ang Lee: "Some years later, when I graduated film school, I came to comprehend my father’s concern. It was nearly unheard of for a Chinese newcomer to make it in the American film industry. Beginning in 1983, I struggled through six years of agonizing, hopeless uncertainty. Much of the time, I was helping film crews with their equipment or working as editor’s assistant, among other miscellaneous duties. My most painful experience involved shopping a screenplay at more than thirty different production companies, and being met with harsh rejection each time."
Blueroselady: we must have a THICK FACE to master THE ART OF ENDURANCE for rejection / humiliation / insult / fear / failure.

Ang Lee: "That year, I turned 30. There’s an old Chinese saying: ‘At 30, one stands firm.’ Yet, I couldn’t even support myself. What could I do? Keep waiting, or give up my movie-making dream? My wife gave me invaluable support."
Blueroselady: It is never too late to realize our dream(s). Colonel Sanders started selling his fried chicken recipe in his 60s, more twice the age of Ang Lee.
Think of 亡羊补牢.

"My wife was my college classmate. She was a biology major, and after graduation, went to work for a small pharmaceutical research lab. Her income was terribly modest. At the time, we already had our elder son, Haan, to raise. To appease my own feelings of guilt, I took on all housework – cooking, cleaning, taking care of our son – in addition to reading, reviewing films and writing scripts. Every evening after preparing dinner, I would sit on the front steps with Haan, telling him stories as we waited for his mother – the heroic huntress – to come home with our sustenance (income)."

Blueroselady: Behind every successful man, there is a strong woman. I also personally listen to this advice from the successful German / Switzerland entrepreneurs in 2009, 2010.

I pray that my sons, my brothers, my male readers will find a strong woman like Ang Lee’s wife, who love her husband and children.

I am grateful that my father has a strong woman – my mother.

"This kind of life felt rather undignified for a man. At one point, my in-laws gave their daughter (my wife) a sum of money, intended as start-up capital for me to open a Chinese restaurant – hoping that a business would help support my family. But my wife refused the money. When I found out about this exchange, I stayed up several nights and finally decided: This dream of mine is not meant to be. I must face reality."
Blueroselady: Ang Lee is a film-maker, a narrator of life.
Thre is a saying that 人生如戏 , 戏如人生.
Perhaps, only when one knows and experiences what sufferings mean, s/he can makes movies that touch human soul.
Sufferings are not always bad,
of course there are intolerable sufferings,
e.g. victims of the cruelty / crime of others,
but some sufferings enable people to leap / bounce higher than ever possible,
because these sufferings act as a spring with momentum.

Ang Lee: "Afterward (and with a heavy heart), I enrolled in a computer course at a nearby community college. At a time when employment trumped all other considerations, it seemed that only a knowledge of computers could quickly make me employable. For the days that followed, I descended into malaise. My wife, noticing my unusual demeanor, discovered a schedule of classes tucked in my bag. She made no comment that night.

The next morning, right before she got in her car to head off to work, my wife turned back and – standing there on our front steps – said, ‘Ang, don’t forget your dream.’

And that dream of mine – drowned by demands of reality – came back to life. As my wife drove off, I took the class schedule out of my bag and slowly, deliberately tore it to pieces. And tossed it in the trash.

Sometime after, I obtained funding for my screenplay, and began to shoot my own films. And after that, a few of my films started to win international awards. Recalling earlier times, my wife confessed, ‘I’ve always believed that YOU ONLY NEED ONE GIFT. Your gift is making films. There are so many people studying computers already, they don’t need an Ang Lee to do that. If you want that golden statue, you have to commit to the dream.’

And today, I’ve finally won that golden statue. I think my own perseverance and my wife’s immeasurable sacrifice have finally met their reward. And I am now more assured than ever before: I must continue making films.

You see, I have this never-ending dream."

Blueroselady:
Never ever listen to naysayers that belittle our dream.
Perhaps, we do not have someone close to us who has the attitude like the Ang Lee’s wife.
You must protect your dreams.
Share your dreams to kind people who have achieved what you want.
They will share with you how they achieved it.
Do not share your dreams with naysayers.
When everything fails,
remember that as long as you are still alive,
you can fulfill your dreams
.
Sometimes,
you may have to struggle for years like Ang Lee,
you may have to take a detour,
but a dream that keep on coming to you,
is a message from God / the Universe on what you are meant to be and to do in your life.

For me,
I re-realize that I love to learn so much
(through reading, socializing, traveling),
then think and analyze,
then appreciate and feel,
and write and share my thoughts.

One of my big major dreams is
to write and share thoughtful, helpful, inspiring writings
to over a million of people
and they benefit (even in a little thing) from my sharing.

In order to achieve my grand dream,
I feel that I need to gain diverse experience,
so that my sharing can be thoughtful.

Sometimes,
as a human being,
I do have the concern of financial security,
because I have dependents,
to feed, to nurture, and to love.
But I decide that I am going to take the risk.

Now,
I am taking care of my baby,
and in a few months,
I will prepare myself for the next career,
in order to realize the grand dream.
Please support me.

See also:
How not to listen to non-constructive criticism?

If you find my writings are helpful to you, please donate to me by clicking here.

Written by blueroselady

March 25, 2013 at 7:10 am

Posted in career, choice, family, funding, movie

Tagged with ,