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Family friendly malls in Singapore

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Desirable criteria:
diaper-changing stations
kids’s urinals
hot water dispenser
nursing rooms (where mothers can breastfeed)
resting seats
power points (if need to use breast pump)

Additional desirable criteria:
groceries (Giant / NTUC Fairprice / Cold Storage)
baby shops (Kiddy Palace)
libraries

@~@ Causeway Point

@~@ City Square Mall
easily accessible from Farrer Park MRT Station (NE line).
offers compliment use of kiddy cabs and baby prams (ask from customer service).

@~@ Nex
rooftop water playground
small Serangoon Public Library in the mall

@~@ Plaza Singapura
Dhobby Ghaut MRT

@~@ Tangs

@~@ United Square
complimentary diapers, milk sachets, magazines are provided.
can loan pram.
Novena MRT

@~@ VivoCity

Below are ok lah …
@~@ Junction 8

@~@ Northpoint

Written by blueroselady

March 6, 2013 at 2:07 pm

Posted in lifestyle

Tagged with , , , ,

About our family

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How do my father choose his clothings?
3Cs: comfortable, cheap, convenient

How do I choose my clothings?
4Cs: comfortable, cheap, convenient, classy-look

Written by blueroselady

December 17, 2011 at 3:18 pm

Posted in choice, family

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Family comes 1st, work (career) comes 2nd

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Sir 3:2-6, 12-14
Ps 127
Col 3:12-21
Mt 2: 13-15, 19-23

Today readings deal with our relationship to eldery parents. It impresses upon us our responsibility to revere and care for them, especially in their failing years.

Psalm 127
1 Unless the LORD builds the house,
the builders labor in vain.
Unless the LORD watches over the city,
the guards stand watch in vain.
2 In vain you rise early
and stay up late,
toiling for food to eat—
for he grants sleep to those he loves.
3 Children are a heritage from the LORD,
offspring a reward from him.
4 Like arrows in the hands of a warrior
are children born in one’s youth.
5 Blessed is the man
whose quiver is full of them.
They will not be put to shame
when they contend with their opponents in court.

Psalm 127 is a word for workaholic.
Psalm 127 is one of the most practical passages in the Bible. It deals with two areas of our life that demand most of our time and cause us the most trouble. They are also the two areas which often compete with each other for our attention and energy. The two areas are those of our work and our family.

Do you know that a workaholic is actually selfish?
While he is out in society saving humanity at a work pace of eighty to a hundred hours a week, he is selfishly ignoring his wife and children.
To work 80 hours a week, you need to work 11.4 hours a day, 7 days a week. We are in this range.
To work 100 hours a week, you need to work 14.3 hours a day, 7 days a week. Tough!

A workaholic helps mankind partially out of love and compassion, but mostly as an unconscious compensation for his insecurity, and as a means of fulfilling both his strong need for society’s approval and his driving urge to be perfect. He is self-critical and deep within himself feels inferior. He feels like a nobody, and spends the bulk of his life working at a frantic pace to prove to himself that he is really not (as he suspects deep within) a nobody. In his own eyes, and in the eyes of society, he is the epitome of human dedication.

References:
http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Psalm+127&version=NIV
http://bible.org/seriespage/psalm-127-word-workaholics

Written by blueroselady

December 26, 2010 at 3:16 pm

Posted in family, God

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Our family in summer 2010

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Dad loves to wear sleeveless T-shirts now. He looks like a martial art teacher from Shaolin school.
Dad is very patient. On Friday night, he went to the airport to pick me up. On Saturday afternoon, he goes to the airport to pick up my sister from Australia. Two days later, he has to go to the airport to send my sister and I off, we are taking early morning flight.
Mum is grateful. She only has less than 48 hours for her family to be physically united in her home, but she is happy and satisfied.
Mum is a woman without worry, I must learn from her.
Mum is a liberal woman, she does not mind change clothes in front of us, except our brother.
Mum told me that a Shanghai guy fancies my sis, now I understand why mum wants me to be a protector, they agree to meet in Shanghai this month, and I am supposed to be the eyes and ears of mum, if necessary, her hands to protect or to bless.
Correction: that guy is her boyfriend, he has asked her to be his girlfriend. They are going to meet in Shanghai and he does not want to see me. What?!
When sis saw me, she said “you are so slim, I am fat” I guess girls are very concerned on their appearances. She said I am like a tweety bird, big head and small body.
Well, I think I prefers Pullip doll. Pullip has an oversized head on a jointed plastic body, with eyes that can change positions and wink.
Sis is 5 cm taller and 10 kg heavier than me. She gained 5 kg in Australia.
My brother has grown up. His legs are as muscular as a footballer. His shoulder is as wide as a body builder. Only his baby face reminds us that he is still our baby brother. I love seeing him wearing T-shirt with a big word of Stanford.
On the night of sis return, we savoured kangoroo meat, bbq-ed by sis. Mum said it tasted like beef.
On our last supper this summer, we have foie grass given by Dad friend. My brother is against it as he thinks it is very cruel to treat the goose, well he is missing one of life delicacy. Probably, he has never experienced life difficulties like us.
Dad fancies our return and family gathering because he can only enjoy delicacies when all his children are at home. Mum will find excuses not to have feast when their children are not around.
Dad told me that when I was a kid, probably around 3 years old, he loves to bring me to buy stuff for his shop. First, I do not have many toys nor any playmates as I am his first kid, I enjoyed the shopping so much. Second, I did not ask him to buy toys even if I liked them, my sister would do that, that is why Dad found it was more stressful and less fun to bring her shopping. Dad would tie me behind the Vespa (yes Italian Vespa), for worrying that I might fall down due to falling asleep. That was a bit of experience that I remember from my earlier childhood, it was fun looking at many stuff and Dad would treat me cold local drink after he finished shopping.
This weekend, I had tight schedule. Went to have a hair cut, saw a traditional medical check-up, made a video of home, saw a dentist, went shopping for a luggage.
I did not mind going to a cheap hairdresser, the cost was only less than USD 2. My sister chose a better hairdresser, her cost was 5x mine. Her new hairstyle is Cleopatra alike.
Why did I make a video of home? First, it is for memory because Dad is thinking to sell his house and travel around. We used to sleep in the same room as our parents, because we were less prosperous than now. Second, it serves for insurance evidence, the insurance book that I read advices people to keep a video of properties if keeping receipts of all valuables within house too troublesome to do. Perhaps, you could do that too.
Like Darling, I have become workaholic, I could study sitting outside fitting room while waiting for Mum and Sis.

Written by blueroselady

July 5, 2010 at 4:40 pm

Posted in family, food, travel

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Are you / your loved one an INTJ? 39 thoughtful descriptions to strategically understand them

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To know your personality type,
you can do an instant self-guided assessment here.

A family friend Z who has been very kind to us and shares similar interest in stocks, appears to be an INTJ, I may be wrong, but I am highly interested to understand him, so that we can be a good, supportive friend of him.

Sometimes, I think that he can be an INFJ instead of INTJ because once he said the importance of making decisions by applying person-centered values.

Perhaps, a friend who kindly gave me a shelter in Boston is also an INTJ. Think of Gandalf and Vito Andolini Corleone of The Godfather by Mario Puzo.

@~@ perfectionist : INTJs have exceptionally high standards, and if they view a colleague or supervisor as incompetent or ineffective, respect will be lost instantly and permanently.

@~@ self-confidence that can be mistaken by others as arrogance

@~@ INTJs value personal initiative, determination, insight and dedication, and believe that everyone should complete their work to the highest possible standards
@~@ easily recognize patterns in events and establish thorough explanations
@~@ open-minded yet guarded
@~@ ambitious yet private
@~@ curious and deeply intrigued by all aspects of the human experience, but they do not squander their energy

@~@ pragmatic

@~@ analytical problem-solvers, eager to improve systems and processes with their innovative ideas

@~@ possess the unusual trait combination of imagination and reliability

@~@ INTJs use their creativity and imagination not so much for artistry, but for planning contingencies and courses of action for all possible scenarios.

@~@ spend a lot of time thinking; INTJs spend a lot of time inside their own minds, and may have little interest in the other people’s thoughts or feelings.

@~@ the architect / supreme strategists – always scanning available ideas and concepts and weighing them against their current strategy, to plan for every conceivable contingency
@~@ approach reality as they would a giant chess board, always seeking strategies that have a high payoff, and always devising contingency plans in case of error or adversity, constantly outmaneuvering their peers in order to maintain control of a situation while maximizing their freedom to move about.

@~@ values solitude

@~@ natural leaders, although they usually choose to remain in the background until they see a real need to take over the lead.
@~@ has a natural thirst for knowledge and enjoy sharing what they know; their primary interest is not understanding a concept, but rather applying that concept in a useful way.
@~@ simultaneously the most starry-eyed idealists and the bitterest of cynics
@~@ Rules, limitations and traditions are anathema to the INTJ personality type – everything should be open to questioning and reevaluation, and if they see a way, INTJs will often act unilaterally to enact their technically superior, sometimes insensitive, and almost always unorthodox methods and ideas.
@~@ useful to learn to simulate some degree of surface conformism in order to mask their inherent unconventionality; Authority figures do not impress INTJs, nor do social conventions or tradition, and no matter how popular something is, if they have a better idea, INTJs will stand against anyone they have to in a bid to have it changed.
@~@ less comfortable with the unpredictable nature of other people and their emotions.
@~@ INTJs are the most independent of all the sixteen types and take more or less conscious pride in that independence.
@~@ selective about their relationships, preferring to associate with people who they find intellectually stimulating.
@~@ Among types least likely to suffer heart disease and cardiac problems
@~@ Least likely of all the types to believe in a higher spiritual power
@~@ One of two types with highest college GPA
@~@ Among types with highest income
@~@ Personal values include Achievement
@~@ Of all types, least likely to state that they value Home/family, Financial security, Relationships & friendships, and Community service
@~@ Over-represented among MBA students and female small business owners
@~@ Commonly found in scientific or technical fields, computer occupations, and legal professions
@~@ gain the most satisfaction from turning their ideas into reality.
@~@ INTJ will never be comfortable with a truly public display of emotions
@~@ In friendship, INTJs are looking for more of an intellectual soul mate than anything else, and those that aren’t prepared for that kind of relationship are simply boring. INTJs need to share ideas – a self-feeding circle of gossip about mutual friends is no kind of social life for them. INTJ especially like to spend time with other Intuitive Thinkers, and also usually enjoy the company of Intuitive Feelers. These personality types love to theorize and speculate about ideas, and so can usually relate well to the INTJ, who loves to analyze ideas.
@~@ INTJs will keep up with just a few good friends, eschewing larger circles of acquaintances in favor of depth and quality. Having more than just a few friends would compromise INTJs’ sense of independence and self-sufficiency – they gladly give up social validation to ensure this freedom.
@~@ The sarcasm and dark humor of INTJ are not for the faint of heart, nor for those who struggle to read between the lines, but they make for fantastic story-telling among those who can keep up. This more or less limits their pool of friends to fellow Analysts (NT) and Diplomat (NF) types.
@~@ INTJs also recognize that life is often the best teacher, and they will tend to be fairly liberal, allowing their children to have their own adventures and make their own decisions, further developing these critical thinking skills.
@~@ INTJs prefer more "lone wolf" positions as mechanical or software engineers, lawyers or freelance consultants, only accepting competent leadership that helps in these goals
@~@ Efficiency and results are king to INTJs

Strengths:
Are not threatened by confrontation or criticism
Are self-confident
Place relationships and commitments as a high priority
Are very intelligent with lots of potential
Know when it is right to end a relationship
Always try to improve relationships
Are great listeners

Weaknesses:
Are out of tune with others’ feelings, resulting in possible insensitivity
Often respond to conflict with logic and reason, while lacking emotional involvement
Have difficulty expressing feelings and emotions
Possess a strong belief in their personal (informed) opinions
Lack the ability to accept blame
Possess a constant quest for improvement that may be difficult on relationships
Tend to restrict part of themselves

Suitable careers for INTJ:
Business Administrator
Corporate Strategist
Computer Programmer
Computer Specialist
Dentist
Entrepreneur
Engineer
Judge
Lawyer/Attorney
Military Officer
Manager
Medical Doctor
Organization Founder
Psychologist
Researcher
Scientist
Systems Analyst
Teacher/Professor

20150922

Written by blueroselady

September 22, 2015 at 8:29 pm

Tips from various magazines

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@~@
To reduce commute time:
www.workshifting.com

Personally, commute time can be used for doing other useful stuff.
Relax (when the public transports are not too crowded).
Listen to voice notes of inspirations and ideas.
Read: study materials, news, facebook.
Plan.

@~@
According to Sally Poon (a dietician from Hong Kong Nutrition Association),
food of eating out are high in SALT, FAT & SUGAR,
which increases the risk of obesity, heart disease & hypertension.
Yes, we know all these but many times we choose to satisfy our

Minimize fried food.
Avoid preserved meat, e.g. salami.

For pasta e.g. spaghetti: red sauce (tomato-based) is healthier than white sauce.

@~@
"The more time a person spends on the job, the more conflict there is likely to be between work and family."
Do you agree with this statement?

@~@ Things that I must do:
# live my life to the fullest.
# appreciate what I have.

@~@
Short-listed things that I find interesting to do:
# Learn copywriting. Learn writing to sell a strategic idea.
# read The happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin (since January 2012)
# make DIY flash cards. First picture that I found: polar bear of Churchill, Canada. Remember that the cuddly-looking polar bear (thanks to its shaggy fur) can be dangerous. My friend J was given a polar bear soft toy as the first birthday gift from his man, and his man can be cuddly yet dangerous like polar bear!
# attend a Nobel Prize banquet @ Stockholm (since March 2012).
# eat Vosges Haut-Chocolat (chocolate with unlikely flavors like curry, taleggio, and wasabi), partly because Katrina Markoff is an inspiring entrepreneur!
# FIND TIME TO DO NOTHING. BREATHE. An advice by Tim Park, the author of Teach us to Sit Still: A Sceptic’s Search for Health and Healing.
# Remove dust! Dust can cause your TV, computer, laptop to overheat and reduce its life span. When you do house chores of vacuum cleaning, empty the dust bag when it is half-full. With a fuller dust bag, the machine has to work harder and risks overheating.
# To extend the lifespan of your mobile phone, use its appropriate charger, simply because the voltage is different. Do not charge your phone overnight.
# commit to 30-day challenge of writing a book. Thank you Matt Cutts.
# refuse to let work compromise what my body needs: nutritious, regular meals, 7-8 hours of sleep, 3×10-minute exercise.
# hit the road less traveled with a backpack like Paige Chua. She went for her first solo trip to Beijing & Inner Mongolia in 2007. Interesting reflection: city dwellers seek a simple life when travel, but rural dwellers (e.g. of Inner Mongolia) aspire to move to cities (e.g. Beijing).

Quotes that I like:
# "No one shoots you if you’ve got a smile on your face." ~ Alan Wicker, travel journalist.
# "When I visit somewhere new, I always absorb it first as a human being, then photography it as my hobby and then consider if it’s interesting enough to share with other people through Twitter, Facebook or my blog." ~ Ben Southall, Winner of Best Job in the World (2009), caretaker of Hamilton Island on the Great Barrier Reef.
# "Don’t forget that frequent business travellers are often the most frequent leisure travellers." www.businesstraveller.asia
Blueroselady: The next time someone (e.g. CV) tells you and me that he is busy travelling on business trips, he is likely to include sightseeing and leisure activities too!

Written by blueroselady

January 11, 2014 at 3:59 pm

Recipe for a Happy Life : 44 ingredients and instructions prepared with love

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Towards the end of 2013, I am grateful that I have an serendipitous opportunity to meet & learn from Cheryl Saban. Her eyes, gaze, smiles and life experience reminds me on Louise Hay.

Cheryl introduced me to a coffee table book of her, which is beautifully prepared with pastel-tone, day-wedding-like photos. I am also grateful to Emily Westlake who was responsible for the picture research. Those charming, gentle and simple photographs and images of flowers, glasses, plants, seaside, nostalgic items are indeed heart-warming for cold December. Those soft, natural light falling gently on ordinary items make them look extraordinary.

Reflecting on Cheryl’s sharing, people do face financial woes, marital strife, and health problems. This perspective seems to connect with Michael’s view that it is rare for a person to have excellence in all areas of wealth, relationships, and health.

So, here are the ingredients & instructions for a happy life that I like:

@~@ LOVE & RELATIONSHIPs / CONNECTIONs
# Give love, create love, and receive love.
"There is only one happiness in life, to love and be loved" ~ George Sand.
# Be kind & encouraging. "Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony." ~ Mohandas K. Gandhi
# Practice random act of kindness.
"Always be a little kinder than necessary." ~ James M. Barrie, the creator of Peter Pan.
# Give to others.
"When we give cheerfully and accept gratefully, everyone is blessed." ~ Maya Angelou.
# Give your time, talent, treasure to others.
# Connect to yourself.
# Connect to nature.
# Connect to God.
# Connect to others : family members, friends, colleagues.
# Find & cherish your soul mate.
"The key to succeeding in a relationship is not finding the right person, it is learning to love the person you found."
# Forgive yourself.
# Forgive others.

@~@ GRATITUDE
# Be content with who you are.
"To be what we are, and to become what we are capable of becoming, is the only end of life." ~ Robert Louis Stevenson.
# Be grateful.
"Let us be grateful to people who make us happy; they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom." ~ Marcel Proust
# Count your blessings.
# Respect the power of nature, be thrilled by the miracle of birth.
# Appreciate the special beauty that is present in even the most mundane & everyday things, e.g. the very air that you breathe, sunrise, sunset, moonlight.
"The richness I achieve comes from Nature, the source of my inspiration." ~ Claude Monet.
# Be happy for others.
"This is not a competition — there is plenty of happiness to go around, once you know where to look." ~ Cheryl Saban.

@~@ HEALTH
# Eat reasonably.
# Sleep deeply.
# Walk.

@~@ BELIEVE & HOPE
# Pray incessantly.
# Nurture your spiritual beliefs
# Journalling / Keep a diary.
# Engage in positive internal conversations.
# Write your story (in encouraging ways).
# Meditate.
# Attract positive experiences.
"Remember the Law of Attraction, and make an effort to attract positive, happy experiences into your life."
# Develop inner strength.
"Be willing to live life to your fullest potential, and believe in the fact that you have plenty of it." ~ Cheryl Saban.
# Search inside yourself.
"The foolish man seek happiness in the distance, the wise grows it under his feet." ~ James Oppenheim.
# Learn.
"Master a new skill. When you take the time to engage in activities that absorb your full attention, you’ll experience a sense of well-being and contentment." ~ Cheryl Saban.
Blueorselady : think of Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi’s flow.
# Look for ways to be inspired.

@~@ INDEPENDENCE & RESPONSIBILITY
"Independence is happiness." ~ Susan B. Anthony.
# Choose happiness.
"50% of a given human’s happiness level is genetically determined (based on twin studies), 10% is affected by life circumstances and situation, and a remaining 40% of happiness is subject to self control." ~ Sonja Lyubomirsky, The How of Happiness.
# Think positively. "The happiness of your life depends on the quality of your thoughts." Marcus Aurelius Antoninus.
# Learn positive coping skills.
"Avoid false fixes. Over-indulging in shopping, food, alcohol, or drugs won’t bring you happiness." ~ Cheryl Saban.
# Try to make at least three people smile each day — beginning with yourself!

@~@ PASSION
# Discover your passions.
"Explore. Dream. Discover" ~ Mark Twain.
# Improve your talents.
# Have purposes, dreams, goals.
"It is one of my dreams to publish a coffee table book, I believe I can. A book that can help myself, my loved ones & others to enjoy a lifetime of contentment and fulfilment. Thank you Cheryl for your encouragement!"
# Be proactive.
"Turn wishful thinking into positive action. Those who take a proactive stance in their lives tend to have an ample supply of joy and pleasure" ~ Cheryl Saban.
# Seek positive role models.
# Learn life-enhancing, esteem-building behaviors from your role models, heroes / heroines, masters, jedi / guru / mentors.
# Be persevered for things that matter. https://blueroselady.wordpress.com/2013/11/01/perseverance-why-does-it-matter-can-perseverance-be-learned/
# Work.
"Happiness comes when your work and words are of benefit to yourself and others." ~ Buddha.

30 revealing ideas from social psychology that can help us to appreciate people and our lives

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Below are interesting points (sometimes with some of personal thoughts & reflections) that I have learned from a course on social psychology taught by Professor Scott Plous of Wesleyan College.

@~@ Know yourself. Seach inside yourself.
LaoZi : "He who knows others is learned. He who knows himself is enlightened."
Benjamin Franklin : "There are three things extremely hard: steel, a diamond, and to know one’s self"
Daniel Gilbert : "We seem to know less about the worlds inside our heads that about the world our heads are inside."

@~@ People often MISWANT.
Blueroselady :
How to overcome the challenge that we are remarkably bad at predicting of what will make us happy?
This question is very important because many of life’s big decisions involve predicting our future feelings.
Examples of life’s big decisions : marriage, career / profession, migration, vacation.
Funny real-life example : a friend J told me that her husband fluctuates between praising-in-the-form of question and complaining:
(1) "why a such a smart woman like you wanted to marry a jerk and stayed on?"
(2) "It’s a nightmare to be with you for the rest of your life, I was enticed by your physical attractions"

@~@ Most people are too preoccupied with themselves to notice our shortcomings (e.g. your pimple, your spiky hair because of having no time to comb your hair because of waking up late).

@~@ "Research has found that audiences can’t pick up on your anxiety as well as you might expect …
Other people are noticing less than you might suppose."
Blueroselady: The next time you have to deliver a public talk / give a company presentation / make a sales pitch, do not worry. Just do it!

@~@ Susan Andersen & Serena Chen, 2002: In our varied relationships, we have varying selves.

@~@ Much of our behavior is not consciously controlled but automatic and unself-conscious.
Blueroselady: Be mindful. We can choose to practice mindfulness.
Mindful breathing… Mindful eating… Mindful doing…

@~@ self-schema vs possible selves
self-schema = beliefs about self that organize & guide the procession of self-relevant information.
possible selves = images of what we dream of or dread becoming in the future.
self-schema strongly affect how we see / perceive, remember, evaluate other people & ourselves.

@~@ major negative events vs minor irritations
major negative events activate our psychological defense.
minor irritations do not activate our psychological immunity.

@~@ Role playing becomes reality.
As we enact a new role, e.g. college student, parent. salesperson, we initially feel self-conscious.
Progressively, the role playing becomes reality.
This reminds me on the message that Amy Cuddy wants us to remember in her TED talk on body language.
Fake it till you make it.
Fake it till you become it.

@~@ How do we decide if we are rich, smart, or tall?
The answer is social comparison (Festinger, 1954) in affluence, status, achievement.
Blueroselady: Many things in life (that I know of) are relative, particularly those that are measurable.
A reader’s question: "I have made a living comparing data in my job / career. Comparing has become my second nature. How can I stop comparing in life?"
Blueroselady suggestions:
# Gratitude exercises.
# Detachment exercises : Detach your emotions from the outcome of your comparisons. I hear you, it is easy to say, but challenging to do, that is why detachment is an art; for the sake of our happiness, we must practice the art of detachment.
# Mindfulness exercises : Remember that (1) social comparisons can decrease our life satisfaction. (2) 人比人气死人 (3) "There is nothing noble in being superior to some other person. The true nobility is in being superior to your previous self."
# Kindness exercises : Be kind & compassionate to yourself, leave behind comparisons with others.
# Affirmations e.g. It is better to be a first rate version of yourself than a second rate version of someone else.

@~@ Children whom other people label as as gifted, hardworking or helpful tend to incorporate such ideas into their self-concepts & behavior.

@~@ Self-reliance
Self-reliant individual is celebrated in Western literature, e.g. The Iliad, The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn.

@~@ Classifying / pigeonholing / labeling cultures as solely individualist or collectivist oversimplifies.
The oversimplification is because within any culture, individualism varies from person to person (Oyserman et al, 2002).
Blueroselady: Remember not to do hasty generalization.

@~@ Interdependent self
# has a greater sense of belonging.
# is defined by social connections with family, colleagues, loyal friends.
# has many selves: self-with-parents, self-at-work, self-with-friends.
# disapproves egotism, whereas independent self disapproves conformity.
# e.g. collectivistic Asian & Third World cultures.
# persists more on tasks when they are failing because wants to meet others’ expectations (e.g Japanese)
# prioritizes WE over ME

@~@ "So far, most of psychology has been produced by psychologists in middle-class White American settings studying middle-class White American respondents."
However, there are ways of life beyond the one that each of us knows best.
Blueroselady: In other space & time context (e.g. sociocultural context), there can be different ideas & practices about how to live a meaningful life.

@~@ Tips: eat before shopping.
Gilbert & Wilson (2000) showed that hungry shoppers do more impulse buying

@~@ Why is your friend’s success can be more threatening that that of strangers?
According to Zuckerman & Jost (2001), you feel that your self-esteem is threatened.
How do people react to self-esteem threat?
High self-esteem people blame others or try harder next time.
Low self-esteem people blame themselves or give up.
According to Roy Baumeister, folks with high self-esteem are more likely to be obnoxious, to interrupt, & to talk at people rather than to talk with people.
Bonus: It is useful for parents to know that
# among sibling relationships, the threat to self-esteem is greates for an older chld with a highly capable younger brother / sister.
# many people could not escape their tough childhoods, which is a cause of low self-esteem.

@~@ Secure self-esteem
# is rooted more in feeling good about who one is than in grades, looks, affluence / money, others’ approval.
# is essential for long-term well-being.
# Blueroselady views secure self-esteem neither as high nor low self-esteem, but self-esteem in equilibrium / in balance.

@~@ self-esteem vs self-efficacy
self-esteem = if you like yourself overall
Self-efficacy = if you believe you can do something

@~@ How to be less intimated (by others) & less gullible?
# remember that personal testimonies are powerfully persuasive but they may also be wrong.

@~@ Self-serving bias?
# attribute positive outcomes to oneself (e.g. own managerial skill)
# attribute negative outcomes to other factors (e.g. a down economy)

@~@ Examples of self-serving bias
# Group members’ estimates of how much they contribute to a join task typically sum to more than 100%. For instance, husband & wife are members of a group.
# most business people see themselves as more ethical than the average business people.
# Pronin & Ross (2006) reported that we see ourselves as objective & everyone else as biased. No wonder we fight!

@~@ Feedback is best when it is TRUE & SPECIFIC.
Specific feedback e.g. You are good at maths.
General feedback e.g. You are great.
To encourage someone (e.g. children, mentees, students, subordinates), remember that specific feedback is more effective than general feedback.

@~@ To improve performance, give self-efficacy feedback instead of self-esteem feedback.
e.g. of self-efficacy feedback : You tried really hard.
e.g. of self-esteem feedback : You are really smart.

@~@ When to listen to criticism & not to listen?
David Dunning’s gentle rule: "if two people independently give you the same piece of negative feedback, you should at least consider the possibility that it might be true"

@~@ Terror management theory by Jeff Greenberg: the reality of our own death motivates us to gain recognition from our work & values, but not everyone can achieve such recognition.

@~@ Competence + perseverance = success

@~@ Success requires enough optimism to sustain hope and enough pessimism to motivate concern.

@~@ According to Jule Norem (2000), defensive pessimism can sometimes save us from the perils of unrealistic optimism.
Blueroselady: Negative emotions such as anger and pessimism are not entirely bad, we just need healthy ways to deal with them.
Tips: Whenever you feel angry, remember that the person you are hurting is yourself.

@~@ Tyranny of freedom? too many choices can lead to paralysis.
According to Barry Schwartz, individualistic modern cultures have an excess of freedom which leads to the tyranny of freedom.
# Choice may enhance regret.
# People have expressed greater satisfaction with irrevocable choices than with reversible choices. This is because when people can undo their decisions they tend to consider both the positive & negative features of the decisions they had made. When they could not undo their decisions, people tend to concentrate on the positive features & ignore the negative features. For example, people expressed more satisfaction with their marriages several decades ago when marriage was more irrevocable.

@~@ Love causes marriage, but marriage would also causes love.
Blueroselady: This hypothesis may explain why arranged marriages (in some cultures) have successfully worked and survived.

@~@ The 5:1 ratio of positive:negative activities
To sustain important relationships such as marriage and parental relationships, ensure that you strive to increase the ratio of positive to negative activities by at least 5 fold.
e.g. of positive activities : holding hands, giving a hug, lending a listening ear.
e.g. of negative activities : arguing, complaining.

More
# Book: Social Psychology. Chapter 2. DG Myers. 2012.
# Notes at the end of email

Written by blueroselady

December 26, 2013 at 3:55 am

Baby does not want to eat. How to address this challenge?

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If your baby can talk and tell you why he refuses to eat, then you will not be reading this post 🙂

Here are possible reasons:
teething.
do not need as much food as you are feeding him.
full / not hungry.
not yet ready for solids.

Some ideas to try:
+ Start with tiny portions.
+ Make new food look similar to a familiar favorite of baby.
+ Combine with his favorite food. For example, my first baby loves banana so much, so I added a tiny chunk of banana to every spoon of his puree.
+ Believe that your baby knows how much food he needs.
+ Reverse psychology. My first baby wants to eat when I place him on my lap during family time, I just give him mashed brown rice.
+ Never force feed your baby. Foce feeding can turn feeding time into fighting time.
+ Do not give your baby junk food, instead offer him healthy food and a hungry baby will eventually eat them.
+ Accept that babies are supposed to make a mess while eating – this is their learning process. If your baby is a messy eaters, he is showing signs of independence – a milestone for his learning, growth, self-reliance, self-esteem.
+ Relax. Let your baby go at his own pace.

Written by blueroselady

October 30, 2013 at 6:47 am

Happiness exercise: write a short introduction about yourself

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In a series of happiness exercises, I brainstorm novel and creative ideas of doings that can boost up our happiness. Today exercise is simple: write a short introduction about yourself. You can memorize it to remind yourself when you experience negative emotions, to make new friends and build new relationships, or simply to make an elevator pitch.

Here is a brief introduction about myself.

I am an ordinary woman with a BIG dream to give extraordinary service to others.

My love include life, family, stories and writing. I dream of writing a book that is enlisted in The New York Times Non-Fiction Best Sellers.

Everyday, I give my best to live and learn so that I can share useful tips about education and entrepreneurship / business,
that are thoughtful, helpful, inspiring, necessary, and kind.

I am also interested in people, travel, food (especially Asian food and Italian desserts), visual arts, movies and creative ideas.

Counting my blessings, I am grateful for being a mother, lifelong student, storyteller, researcher and marketer; and having good health and more wealth than the yesterday-me.

Thank you very much for being interested in me!

Please keep in touch and feel free to comment.

Written by blueroselady

October 11, 2013 at 6:23 am

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