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Apprenticeship, fatherhood and expensive college education

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Today, a salesperson approached me on my way back to home.
The friendly salesperson was promoting a union membership.
However, I just signed up online for the membership last month.
His son was sitting nearby, playing a toy car by himself.
The salesman sadly said (while looking at his son), "Nobody takes care of him, so I have to bring him here."
The weather was not that hot when I met this salesperson, but I imagined it would be tiring to sit under the hot sun if he had to do his work since this morning or even afternoon.

One may feel sorry for the boy, however if we try to reframe our perspective positively, the boy is actually doing "apprenticeship."

The father is also enjoying both an opportunity to work (hence earn an income) and to accompany his son.

I wish I could help this salesperson to earn a commission, but I can only offer my prayer quietly in my heart. I pray that he will earn sufficient to raise his family, that his son will grow up appreciating his father’s hard work.

@~@

J was sharing with me that in the near future when she is going out to be a salesperson, she is going to bring her toddler.
Her toddler has a talent to make people happy through his charming smile.
J said, "this is not a child labor, this is nurturing her child to prepare for the future competitive world".

J was concerned that her child would grow up to be a spoil brat so she wants her son to respect and value hard work (and of course smart work) and everyday people who do hard work, through apprenticeship under her.

Not every child is the same.
Indeed, every human being is unique.
Yes, you are unique.
So are your progenies.
Today education system has been inspired from the Industrial Revolution,
when efficient and relatively submissive trainees are desirable.
However, our world is evolving;
our learning and education systems must evolve too.
I strongly agree with J on 因材施教^.

^ 因材施教 means to educate someone (a learner / a student / a child) according to his / her personality, aptitude and merits.

Moreover, the constantly increasing cost of college education is worrying and driving us to find alternative avenues to develop the knowledge and skills required for employment or self-employment.
To quote Hannah Seligson of The New York Times, some employers complain that many colleges don’t teach the kinds of technical skills they want in entry-level hires.

Is it worth for parents to sacrifice their retirement funds after they worked all their sweats, tears, and even blood, to fund for their children’s education?
This was what going on in the mind of Steve Job when he quit colleges,
but how many adult children do think like him?
Sadly, there are cases where children do not care about their parents after being funded for college education.

Although apprenticeships has been offered as alternative to college, my personal belief (as of this summer of 2013) includes:

1. it is essential for our trainee / progeny / children / protege to attend colleges where they can interact, network, build long-lasting relationships with their peer and lectures.
Completing a college education has been strong social economic enablers for many people with previously disadvantage backgrounds.

2. it is also essential for our trainee to undertake apprenticeships and to train under a master, if possible the best master.
There are things that one cannot learn merely by reading, one must experience the real world.

3. It is also essential for our trainee to undertake online courses / MOOC such as Coursera, edX, Udacity. This initiative is geared toward developing one into an independent learner and thinker.
As Stephen Covey mentioned, only those who are independent (not the dependent) can be co-dependent / cooperate / collaborate to perform complex tasks / projects.

If you find my writings are inspirational to you, please donate to me by clicking here.

Written by blueroselady

June 12, 2013 at 1:01 pm

Tertiary education to cherish

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Recently, through God-given natural instinct for beautiful and big-dreaming people, I am so grateful to learn from this charming and generous lady TP.

She commented that many students do not cherish their opportunities to receive tertiary education.
Do you still remember when you were fighting just for a slot in your undergraduate university?
I am grateful that I made it (entering with hopes, exiting with even bigger hopes and determinations to give my best in this life to family, society, and the world)
A senior commented how colorful my undergraduate days.
He is right.
A junior student even openly admire my achievements.
I am touched.
Received scholarship.
Among top students, even I would say that there are many others who are more intellectual than me.
Completed a minor program in a year together with my major workload.
Succeeded to secure an exchange study and obtained good results.
Went to a summer program at the most prestigious university of a country.
Worked part-time.
A student leader, rubbed shoulder with nation leaders.A volunteer (a mentor, a first aider).

While these experiences seem prestigious and fanciful, it is the learning process that allow me to grow.
Counting these blessings, I could only thank God.
Re-searching my passion and leadership.

@~@
Other stuff learnt from TP:
3 (simple) rules of risk management:
1. do not risk more than you can afford to lose.
2. consider the odds.
3. do not risk a lot for a little.

Written by blueroselady

February 10, 2011 at 4:34 pm

U.S. educational programs

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Global Young Leaders Conference (www.cylc.org/gylc)
International Scholar Laureate Program (www.scholarlaureate.org)
National Youth Leadership Forum on Medicine (www.nylf.org/med)
National Youth Leadership Forum on Law (www.nylf.org/law)

Possibly, I could work as a tour leader / assistant for such programs, as I love to 1) meet the future leaders of tomorrow 2) learn and travel simultaneously.

***
International Scholar Laureate Program
2010 Program Pricing Diplomacy – China Tuition: $3,199 Optional Extension: $1,250. Length of program: ~ 12 days.
2010 Program Pricing Medicine – Australia Tuition: $3,299 Optional Extension: $1,450 ~ less than a week.
2010 Program Pricing Medicine – China Tuition: $3,199 Optional Extension: $1,250

International Scholar Laureate Program Delegation on Medicine Commonwealth of Australia Summer 2010 Sample Schedule
Day 1
G’day and Welcome to Australia!
Arrive in Sydney
Independent Exploration of Sydney
Program Orientation: Academic Expectations and Cultural Overview
Welcome Session and Dinner
Day 2
Understanding Australia’s Comprehensive Medical Environment
Comprehensive Look at Australia’s Health Care
Introducing Australia’s Medical System
Australia’s Bold Initiative: Principles of Universal Health Care
Q&A with Medical Professionals
Inside the Sydney Opera House: Cultural Center of the City
The Rocks: Site of the Original Sydney Town Settlement
Day 3
The Art and Science of Healing
Scope of Australian Health Care Facilities
Ward Tour at a Traditional Urban Hospital
Tour of Health Care Facility
Q&A with Doctors and Other Medical Staff
Day 4
Sensations of Sydney: Gem of the Pacific
Day of Independent Exploration: Your Day to Enjoy Sydney
Royal Botanic Gardens: Showcasing Sydney’s Natural Beauty
Sydney Harbour: Australia’s Vibrant Gem
Manly Beach: Thriving Harbour Community
Sydney Aquarium: Australia’s Aquatic Action
Taronga Zoo: Examining Australian Wildlife
Darling Harbour: Spectacular Waterfront District
Day 5
Medical Colleagues of the Future: Challenges & Opportunities
University Visit: Immersion and Social Interaction with Australian Medical Students
Medical Education Curriculum Overview
Career Preparation in Australia
Q&A with Faculty and Students
Dinner with Medical Students
Day 6
Beyond Hospital Walls: Caring for the Community
Welcome to the Land
Aboriginal Health and Medicine
Providing Medical Care in Non-Traditional Settings
Overcoming Cultural Barriers to Deliver Care
Australia Wildlife Walkabout Tour in Calga
Animals of the Outback Nation: Kangaroos, Koalas and Wallabies
Indigenous Medicine
Bush Walk
Farewell Dinner
Day 7
Depart Australia or Fly to Cairns for the Optional Extension
Optional Extension: Cairns & the Great Barrier Reef
Day 7
Cairns: Home of the Great Barrier Reef
Fly to Cairns
Afternoon at Leisure
Day 8
The Great Barrier Reef: Spectacular Gem of the Coral Sea
Sail to the Great Barrier Reef
Swimming, Snorkeling and Sun: Recess on the Reef at the Lower Isles Coral Island
Tropical Lunch
Day 9
Independent Exploration: Create Your Own Adventure!
Relax in Cairns
Beach Fun
Rainforest Tours
Island Day Trips
Aboriginal Culture Park
Day 10 Homeward Bound: Depart Australia

***
Global Young Leaders Conference (For 15-18 years old)
2010 China Sample Daily Schedule (For US students, this costs $5,390 and includes airfare to China from the designated gateway cities, housing, program materials, breakfasts, dinners and private motor coach transportation within and between Beijing, Hangzhou and Shanghai. If you excludes the US-China air-tickets for non-US students, it costs $4,390).
It is EXPENSIVE in my humble opinion. I also found that there are too many activities in a day, this may make a learning experience less fruitful due to overloaded information. Furthermore, there are too many touristic / sightseeing activities which can be done by any normal tourists. I expect something more, meeting the learders of host countries, etc.

Beijing – Hangzhou – Shanghai
Day One: Welcome to Beijing; Inside Beijing: China’s Many-Splendored Capital; Welcome Session and Dinner
Day Two: Artistic and Ancient Treasures; Leadership Group Meeting: Identifying Your Role in a Cross; Cultural Global Society; Leadership in a Global World: Cross Cultural; Communication Plenary; Beijing Zoo: On-site with China’s Iconic Pandas; Leadership Group Meeting: Chinese Culture and Etiquette-Applying Lessons Learned
Day Three: Out of Pages of History; Diplomatic Reflections, Contemporary Issues: Ministry of Foreign Affairs of the People’s Republic of China; Lunch on Wangfujing Street; Monuments and Treasures of the Imperial Era: Tian’anmen Square: Monument to Mao; Forbidden City: Seat of Imperial Power; A Taste of Beijing: Traditional Peking Duck Dinner; Visit to the Olympic Green
Day Four: 4,500 Miles of Engineering Ingenuity; Leadership Group Meeting: Approaches to Conflict Resolution; International Organizations Site Exploration; Excursion to the Great Wall: Passing Through Badaling Gate and Hiking Along the Great Wall; Night Market on Wanfujing Street; Day Five Journey to Paradise on Earth; Air Transfer to Hangzhou: China’s Ancient Capital of Commerce and Culture; Hangzhou City Orientation; A Step Back in Time: Bucolic West Lake; Welcome Dinner
Day Six: A Peaceful Respite; Leadership Group Meeting: Simulation Meeting; Leadership Group Meeting: Looking Forward; Peaceful Reflection: Laughing Buddha at Ling Yin Temple; Bargaining and Exploration on Hangzhou’s Silk Street; Traditional Boat Excursion on Secluded West Lake
Day Seven: The Dragonhead of Asia: Shanghai; Guo’s Villa: Traditional Private Gardens of China’s Ancient Elite; Innovation and Technology in Action: High Speed Train Transfer to Shanghai; Shanghai City Orientation; European and Chinese Influences: Exploration of The Bund and Frenchtown
Nanjing Lu: Symbol of China’s Capitalism Boom; Shanghai Welcome Dinner
Day Eight: The 2010 World Expo: Urban Innovation; Shanghai World Expo: Exploring the World’s Many; Diverse Nations
Day Nine: Bustling Shanghai: A Celebration of Culture; International Youth Empowerment Closing Keynote Plenary; Final Meeting; Lunch at Yu Gardens and Exploration of Old Shanghai; Farewell Dinner; A Night of Spectacular Feats: Chinese Acrobatics Show
Day Ten: Farewell to China; Depart Shanghai International Airport or; Depart for Optional Add-On
Day Ten Hong Kong: China’s Cosmopolitan City; Air Transfer to Hong Kong; City Orientation; Hotel Check In; Welcome Dinner
Day Eleven: Asia’s Economic Powerhouse; The Politics of International Trade: Hong Kong’s Thriving; Business Community; Exploration of Kowloon Peninsula; Nathan Street; Jade Market; Open Top Bus Excursion and Laser Light Show at the Hong Kong Harbour
Day Twelve: Exploring the Former Colony; Morning Exploration of the Hong Kong Islands; Victoria Peak; Aberdeen Fishing Village; Cantonese Delight: Dim Sum Lunch Aboard the Famous Jumbo Boat Floating Restaurant; Afternoon Fun and Sun: Repulse Bay Hong Kong Bauhinia Farewell Dinner Cruise
Day Thirteen Homeward Bound
Depart Hong Kong International Airport
Optional Add-On Day
Xi’an
Day Ten Xi’an: The Ancient Capital of China; Opening Gate Ceremony: Great Tang Dynasty Hospitality; City Orientation; Cuisine Artistry: Dumpling Dinner
Day Eleven: Flint, Stone & Dynasties: Through the Portals of Discovery; Guardians of the Imperial Tomb: Excursion to the Amazing 8,000-Man Terra Cotta Army; Authentic Noodle Lunch at Museum; Ancient Cures: Traditional Chinese Medicine Herb Market; Perspectives on Youth in China: Elementary School Visit
Day Twelve Xi’an Exploration: China’s Many Cultural Influences; Rickshaw Ride on Xi’an’s Ancient City Wall; Great Mosque and Market Area: Center of Xi’an’s; Muslim Quarter; Big Wild Goose Pagoda

Written by blueroselady

January 10, 2010 at 11:47 pm

Posted in study, travel

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Where I can donate for children education

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# CAFOD: the official overseas development and relief agency of the Catholic Church in England and Wales. UK reg. charity no. 285776
# Link Community Development: works to improve access to quality education and promote the health and wellbeing of young people in rural communities in Sub-Saharan Africa
# UNICEF:
# World Vision: [URL: http://www.worldvision.org.sg/st_sponsorchild.php%5D

They are all well-established. Are there smaller charities that need more helps but unable to leverage on marketing via e.g. sponsors, internets, etc?
Please let me know, thanks in advance!
# Yayasan PEKA, Panti Asuhan Karena Kasih

Written by blueroselady

January 1, 2010 at 1:36 am

Posted in lifestyle, study

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Reflection: Why grade inflation (even at Harvard) is a big problem

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Recently, I read an article arguing why grade inflation (even at Harvard) is a big problem.

From the perspective of a student,
having good grades is essential for securing jobs and admissions for further / graduate studies (MBA, PhD, JD, MD, etc).

The median grade for undergraduates in Harvard (and possibly elsewhere) is A- and its most frequently awarded grade is A. So, how can we distinguish excellent and good students?

Being students, we need to take extra efforts to distinguish themselves. Get involved in leadership / voluntary activities, take extra courses / majors / minors / online courses (and complete them!), spend a semester / a summer overseas / undertaking internships, if possible, set up a company (be an entrepreneur!)

From the perspective of an employer / a judge / a recruiter,
it is highly important to be aware of the grade inflation.
Compare students in the same batches. Minimize comparing students across batches.

"At a minimum, a college education should develop in graduates the knowledge, skills and character to lead successful lives. It should identify a student’s strengths and weaknesses, seeking to augment the former and diminish the latter. Grade inflation is harmful because it cheats students of the opportunity to understand what they do and don’t do well."

Written by blueroselady

December 22, 2013 at 6:50 am

Posted in study

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Happiness exercise: write a short introduction about yourself

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In a series of happiness exercises, I brainstorm novel and creative ideas of doings that can boost up our happiness. Today exercise is simple: write a short introduction about yourself. You can memorize it to remind yourself when you experience negative emotions, to make new friends and build new relationships, or simply to make an elevator pitch.

Here is a brief introduction about myself.

I am an ordinary woman with a BIG dream to give extraordinary service to others.

My love include life, family, stories and writing. I dream of writing a book that is enlisted in The New York Times Non-Fiction Best Sellers.

Everyday, I give my best to live and learn so that I can share useful tips about education and entrepreneurship / business,
that are thoughtful, helpful, inspiring, necessary, and kind.

I am also interested in people, travel, food (especially Asian food and Italian desserts), visual arts, movies and creative ideas.

Counting my blessings, I am grateful for being a mother, lifelong student, storyteller, researcher and marketer; and having good health and more wealth than the yesterday-me.

Thank you very much for being interested in me!

Please keep in touch and feel free to comment.

Written by blueroselady

October 11, 2013 at 6:23 am

Posted in writing

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From relationships to connection capital: give relevant & valuable advice

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According to Brother Michael, connection capital is anything that can help you expand your network of connections. Seth Godin refers to connection capital as your ‘tribe’.

How to get the snowball rolling when you don’t even have a pebble of snow?
How to use our network to grow our network when we don’t have a network yet?

Eben Pagan believes that most people spend most of their time worrying about these three areas of life: money, relationship, and health.
Brother Michael concludes that very few people have all there of these areas as they like.

Even the more successful (as deemed by society) than us do struggle with at least one area about which we know more than they do.
Nobody can know everything.
The more successful people are also humans, and humans have problems.

If we can give relevant & valuable advice,
we can be a ‘trusted adviser’ to people whom we want to connect with.
Being a trusted adviser to the successful people is one of the most powerful ways to become successful yourself.

When you give, do not focus your attention on the hope to get something in return.
Give with absolutely zero expectation of getting anything in return.
Do not expect gratitude.
Simply be grateful for the opportunity to help someone.

We do not give advice immediately,
it is no difference from uninvited lecturing / preaching.

Instead, find creative ways to serve people.

We can start by asking these questions:
1. What’ most exciting / interesting for you right now in your life / business?
2. What’s challenging for you in your life / business right now?

In a social event (e.g. cocktail party, dinner party), ask about their life.
In a business event (e.g. conference, networking event. talk, symposium), ask about their business.

Tips: Be extremely tactful in bringing up some topics (e.g. weight) up.

Below are areas where we can often give valuable advice to (and therefore greatly serve) people who are more powerful and successful (according to societal standard) than we are:
# food, weight, & nutrition
# health & exercises
# purpose & meaning
# hobbies & causes e.g. photography, education, meditation, philosophy, massage, travel (Yes, I have been to numerous places worldwide!)
# relationships. Brother Michael have met many notable businessman and businesswomen who are so control freaks that they are worried of the vulnerability involved in opening their heart. That’s why it’s called ‘falling’ in love for a reason, grinned.
# marketing & sales
# domain expertise

Read more:
# The Education of Millionaires by Michael Ellsberg.
With the inflated cost of formal education, I must develop real-world skills highlighted in this informal book for myself and my own children.

Written by blueroselady

October 1, 2013 at 9:28 am

DO what you LOVE, LOVE what you DO

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Do what you love and love what you do sound simple, but appear complex in practice.

How many of us do what we love for most time of our lives?
How many of us love what we do for most of our doings?
For many people across different ages and roles of life, here are possibilities:
Dreams change.
Goals change.
Plans Change.

Do you love a doing because you are good at the doing?
Would you still love the doing if you are not (yet) good at the doing)?
Would you still love the doing if you are not (yet) good at the doing (even after 10,000 hours of practice)?

A quote by Steve Jobs shared by Jeff Moore:
"The only way to do great work is to love what you do.
If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking.
Don’t settle.
As with all matters of the heart,
you’ll know when you find it."

When I was in high school,
I love (or perhaps prefer) science subjects because my linguistic skills are limited (reason #1).
Apparently and consequently, I did better in maths, chemistry, biology, physics than in language subjects. People love doing things whereby we have a sense of mastery, do you feel so as well?

My native Chinese-speaking classmates who have learned writing and reading since early age, are at ease in the Chinese class.
My Eurasian classmates who have a native speaking father / mother, or those who have English-educated parents, seem to write English so fluently.
They had read thick novels / non-fiction books and easily won the essay writing and elocution competitions.
For me,
to write an essay in English or Chinese,
I had to start from simple structures.
When I have an exam topic of essay to write,
I would quickly jot down some ideas in point form and elaborated on them later as my writing progressed.
Normally, I would write explanatory or argumentative essays, and very rarely narrative essays, simply because of my limited vocabularies.

Reason #2
There are high certainty in science subject exams.
1+1=2. If the answers are right now, they will be right tomorrow.
We love things that we do well.

But in real life (including the real scientific fields as my scientist acquaintances point out),
the rules of game are uncertain.
The rules are not constant; change is the rule of the rules.
That’s why life is the only known example of infinite game is life, according to James P. Carse.
On contrary, examples of finite games are debates, sports, schools, receiving a degree from an educational institution, belonging to a society, or engaging in war.

The surprise in infinite game is the triumph of the future over the past.
So, when you are uncertain about what to do next, an easy step is to
always choose infinite games.

Winning should not be the final goal because after winning, the game stops.
Life is a game that is meant to be continuously played.
Aunt Florence shared some profound advice on how to play the game of life, you may want (and I need) to revise and remember them,
as resilient shortcuts in the moments of negative feelings and events.

Although I honestly feel that my writing is still not up to standard (set through social comparisons with people of similar professional credentials to mine and authors whom I admire),
I will continue writing.
I think this is an example of "DO what you LOVE".

Sometimes we may have to do things that we are not interested, so it is hard to love what we do.
However, the good news are interests are malleable,
they are formed through our past experiences (including education),
so we can change them through learning and unlearning.
Revealingly, you can re-program your minds and interests through conscious efforts,
this attempt will also beneficial to discard some preferences that we would not want to have if we think carefully about them but others manage to incept on us — think of the 2010 science fiction film entitled Inception.

For example, I know a number of people who have focused greatly on their careers,
hate doing house chores or parenting tasks,
but I believe that if they want to,
with right conscious efforts to shift their interests,
they can love what they do.

How to continue love what you do (even if you feel tired / bored / disappointed / frustrated) ?
My friend Tracy suggests using positive feedback loop.
You can establish positive feedback loop when the rewards / pleasure of your doing outweigh the sacrifices / pain.

To DO what you LOVE, you need willpower and courage.
To LOVE what you DO, you need positive feedback and inner security.

Inner security that I means here is not worrying so much about achieving certain levels of success.

More real-world examples:
# Joanna: becoming a mother at age 48
# My friend Leo highlights that people rule out the possibility of great change, because it appears unrealistic.

Finally,
"Do what you love, love what you do & deliver more than you promise!" ~ Harvey Mackay

Written by blueroselady

September 25, 2013 at 4:56 am

6 Inspirations from David Ash to survive & strive in real life roller coaster

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Thank you to Michael Ellsberg (the author of The Education of Millionaires)
for introducing me to David J. Ash
& telling his story
on how mastering the art of selling
has allowed him to help people.

David has bought a boarding house that he has turned into The Vivian: a transitional housing for at-risk, chronically homeless women living with concurrent mental illness, addiction and other challenges (severe sexual / physical abuse).

The Vivian is located in the middle of Downtown Eastside of Vancouver,
1 of the poorest & most crime-ridden neighbourhoods in North America.

Many times,
people have positive perceptions on Vancouver,
one of the most liveable cities worldwide
in terms of safety, education,
hygiene, health care,
culture, public transportation,
but not cost of living!

However, based on my limited experience of living in Vancouver,
and having done a bit of voluntary work at Downtown Eastside,
I am aware of the dire circumstances of people living there.

To quote David,
“These people could be our sisters or mother.
We should not be too quick to judge these people.”

The main inspiration of David for setting up the Vivian is his own mother.
His mother Vivian Grace Ash
died alone on the streets
in Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada.

I still remember my friend HW
who grew up in the tropical region
remarked that
it is extremely challenging to be poor & living on the streets in Canada,
because of the cold weather.

At that time (in 1999),
David wanted to help his mother but he could not.
Fast forward ~ a decade later,
David have the capacity (his new-found wealth) to help women like his mother,
and he is deeply committed to it.

Although at a particular point of our lives,
we cannot help someone whom we love,
instead of blaming ourselves,
or burying ourselves in regret,
we can focus on giving / helping other people.
(Inspiration #1)

The story also reminds me on
how the rail-road tycoon Leland Stanford
founded the Stanford University in 1891
in memory of his son who died at 15 years old.
The founder’s vision of
“The children of California shall be our children”
has contributed to the birth
of a world-class university.

David’s and Leland’s stories indeed illustrate
老吾老以及人之老 幼吾幼以及人之幼
which literally means to honor old people as we do our own aged parents, and care for other’s children as one’s own.
(Inspiration #2)

When David was 12 years old,
his mother suffered from nervous breakdowns,
frequented the psychiatric wards,
attempted to commit suicide,
left home,
& finally ended up on the streets.

David ended up dropping out in grade 11 of high school.
He moved to Ottawa to take on a job as a pot scrubber,
which Michael refers as a dead-end job.
Most people will think that this is the end.
On average, drop-outs do worse in life
than people who complete their formal education.
However, remember that everything popular is not always right.
(Inspiration #3)

David’s life changed when he met a real estate salesman in Ottawa
who encouraged him to be a real estate salesman.
David committed to passing the course to be a real estate salesperson,
his first educational endeavour in his life.
Every day,
David studied & revised,
made his own notes.
“I studied 4x harder than most of my classmates who were mature adults.
Many were educated professionals with university degrees”

David passed the course &
got a sales job at Century 21.
He had a revival and has since believed in positive mental attitude.

You can do something with your life,
no matter who you are,
no matter where you are from,
no matter what your background,
if you work hard,
as mentioned by Napoleon Hill in Think and Grow Rich,
& many similar books.
(Inspiration #4)

David became committed to self-teach himself
motivation & success,
through books, seminars, workshops.

David learned & mastered the craft of sales,
in real estate,
in life insurance sales.
In his 20s,
he was earning $100,000 annually!

However,
he became bankrupt at the age of 29,
because he did not manage his spending & saving.

He learned his lesson,
started to save 10% of his income.
invested it for the future,
by purchasing a little rental property,
& now he owns office buildings, retail centres & a huge hockey arena.
(Inspiration #5)

David’s life sounds like a roller coaster,
yet many people love roller coaster
(that’s why theme parks are always popular)
but to survive the real-world roller coaster
it takes hard work, discipline, resilience, & perseverance.
(Inspiration #6)

I pray for David (& many people like him)
to have a happy ending for his life story,
unlike his mother.

Written by blueroselady

August 27, 2013 at 10:26 am

How to use the real estate concept of Joint Tenancy & Tenancy-in-Common to explain your love to your children?

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Recently, I use the concepts of Joint Tenancy and Tenancy-in-Common to help Annie makes peace with her childhood.

About Annie:
She was the eldest in the family.
In her childhood,
she sometimes happily shared her (relatively little) toys with her younger siblings.

Sometimes her younger sister would forcefully took it away from her
and their parents always seemed siding her sister’s.

In her teenage years,
regardless of Annie’s good academic results,
Her father told Annie that he had money to send her to a university,

but he generously supported the tertiary education (including post-graduate) of her younger sister and brother.

After many challenging years,
Annie eventually managed to complete her tertiary education well (without her father paying for her college fee),

secured a well paying job,
and get married.

She has been understanding that the economic situation of the family was different before and then.
However, she subconsciously harbors an anger to her father,

and she only realized it through an incident where her father forced her to surrender her hat to her sister.
Looking back,
she laughed at it,
it was like a little girls fighting for a toy.
Annie was gracious enough to buy extra hat for her sister,

but she was hurt by her father’s action.

Annie has always worked hard to be successful in all her endeavors of life.
From her stellar academic performance to her high commitment for her career,
she is a role model for her sister and brother.

However, her life is not easy.
Looking for an outsider’s perspective,
her life seems the toughest one among her siblings,
because she had and has to fight alone much earlier than her siblings.

Being raised in a traditional Eastern family,

Annie has been instilled with the concept of filial piety since early days of her life.
Her rules include:
"It is wrong for children to be angry to their father."
"Being angry to your parents is unfilial."

While her rules create a filial child for her parents, but it is not healthy to her.

What Annie can do now include:

Acknowledge her feeling of angry.
Anger helps us to assert our rights.
It is OK to be angry as long as one does neither suppress nor express it*.

It is OK to be angry for a short period of time. After all, our time on earth is too short to be wasted on things that we can do nothing about (e.g. those happened in the past).

Expressing anger only creates a vicious cycle.

Nobody likes angry man / woman.
In short,
suppressing anger hurts yourself.
expressing anger hurts others.

Forgive
her parents (and her siblings).
According the Florence Scovel Shinn, the law forgiveness can overcome the law of cause & effect.

Perhaps (in her speculation), in her past life, Annie had been unfair to her own children.
Her father was also perhaps a victim of his mother.
Louise Hay said, "We are all victims of victims".
Forgiveness allows you to release you from the past unhappiness.

Do not let your unhappy past determines your presence.

Affirm herself positively.
In a children book by Louise Hay and Kristina Tracy, af-fir-ma-tion is defined as words that you think or say, and believe to be true.

Examples of good affirmations:
Those who hurt you in the past can no longer hurt you now.
I am a worthy individual because of who I am, not because of what I am capable of achieving and earning.
I do not need the approval of others (including Dad’s approval) for me to feel worthy.

I seek no approval of other people.

How is about setting boundaries?
Annie shared with me that she feels better with less interactions with her father.
As long as she knows that her father is healthy,
she is contented.

Honestly, I am still trying to figure out if this is the a good strategy for her.
After all,
no single approach works for everyone.

From Annie’s life story,
I learn the importance of explaining our undivided share of love to each of our children.

According to Lucy Beresford in her book Happy Relationships at Home, Work & Play,
your 1st child may feel ‘dethroned’ with the arrival of his younger sibling.

It is important to let your first child understand that

your Love is infinite.
Your love to each of your children is whole of what you are capable of loving.
This is like Joint Tenancy,
in which 2 or more owners are seen as ONE entity.

But attention & time are definite.

The more children a family have,
the smaller (but ideally equal) share (of attention & time) that each of the children receive.
This is like Tenancy-in-Common,
in which for equal share of ownership,
the increase in the number of owners,

will reduce the percentage of share of each owner.

However, unequal share is also possible in the co-ownership by Tenancy-in-Common.
The same goes for family,
although parents try to be fair,
and say that they are doing their best to be fair,

human beings are biased.

That’s why parental’s favoritism ^ exists .
This sounds unfair!
However, living means learning to endure injustice (when you cannot fight it) and fight for justice that matters.

^ Parental’s favoritism may exists because of e.g. a father / a mother may favor a child (over another) because the child is more similar to him / her in look / characters / personalities (e.g. personality clash).

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Written by blueroselady

July 31, 2013 at 1:29 pm