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How to manage disappointment and anger?

with 3 comments

The 1st Tuesday of Oct 2012 was a day when Blueroselady felt angry. She is rarely angre for most time.

She woke up very early to meet her boss, only to be told 10 minutes prior to the meeting that the meeting was going to be postponed.

With a thick face, she had to fight for a seat in the crowded public transport.

She had to share credits for a project with someone who contributed none.

She had to buy an iPhone 5 with contract for someone because his parents asked for help. Givent that the parents are semi retiree who live frugally, Blueroselady is disappointed that the son who just started college is going to pay a monthly bill that can pays for Blueroselady’s 3 month expenditure on mobile phone bill.

Looking back now, they all are trivial matters.

Often, when we are disappointed and angry, we are overwhelmed by the emotion that prevents us from thinking rationally. If this happens, how can we better manage our disappointment and anger?

If you are patient in one moment of anger, you will escape a hundred days of sorrow. Chinese proverb

Here are the strategies:

When you are angry, avoid reacting immediately (e.g. speaking, arguing, confronting, shouting), unless there are immediate dangers. Calm our minds and organize our thoughts 1st, so that we do not end up hurting / making others angry, and hence continuing the viscious cycle.

Siberian North Rail Road for Stop, Notice, Reflect and Respond.
Stop to take a deep breath. Taking a deep breath can really calm our minds.
Reflect why you are angry from a 3rd person perspective (neither victim nor offender).
Respond. You always have control / choice in how you are going to respond. Be the master of your emotion, instead of letting your emotion winning over you.

Love yourself. Make this top priority. Because you love yourself, you cherish your health, and you can command your mind to tell your feeling: ok, enough of anger.

Sufficient rest / sleep. Our health deserves the best care. This is part of loving ourselves.

Master the art of endurance. The character for ren in Chinese consists of a knife on top of a heart. Yes, it is painful to have a knife cutting our heart, but the result is endurance, resilience, and perseverance.

Learn a lesson. There are always things to be learned from every situation. There are things worth fighting, there are things that are better left (e.g. rude salespeople / customer services).

See the big picture in space and time. Ask yourself, will things / people that cause your anger matter in X amount of time (e.g. 1 year, 5 years time)? You may not bump into the person again. You may have moved to better places / positions. CNC told me that the best revenge is not revenge but by achieving success.

Visualize them as a little baby / child. It is hard to be angry at little children. This technique was learned from a kind lady LH.

Think of our role models. What are our role models going to do in such situation? Bring the matters to our daily counselor meeting, ask for their opinions.

Detach ourselves. We can care / love others, but we have to be detached from our care / love. In Blueroselady’s example, the character and spending habit of the son causes her pain (hence disappointment and anger) because she cares about the family. She can continue to care, give her best advices, but separate her feeling from the outcome of her efforts. How? by having low or no expectations.

Lower / have no expectations. Accept things and other people as they are. It is hard to change other people. Instead of wasting time to change others, it is better to improve ourselves.

See also the philosophy of life.

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Written by blueroselady

October 5, 2012 at 8:17 am

3 Responses

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