Blueroselady's Weblog

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How to say No?

with 3 comments

Confucius said human beings are born with good nature.

We are naturally inclined to help others, especially those who take the courage to seek helps from us.

I do not like to say No to requests of help.

My closed friends told me this is because (to them) I am too kind or gullible so that I often end up being exploited.

As I progress in life with more and more responsibilities, it seems that I have to learn how to say No.

I have to be firm.

A colleague of mine wants me to help him with his project.

The problem is he does not know specifically what he wants to achieve at the end of the project.

His project is exciting, but unrealistic to me.

He needs more man power.

Therefore, I am not keen to be too involved.

I do not mind to help with advices, but he wants me to actually do a large part of the project. It will consume a lot of my energy and time.

I am lagging behind for my own projects as a result of being ill in March 2012.


How can I say No without insulting him?

He can be mean, and he is quite a high flyer with excellent talking skills.

I am not afraid of him, yet I do not want to burn our bridge either.

In the same period, a colleague of my partner wants my help. He wants to phone me and to meet me face-to-face. He is so persistent (which is good for his goal and people whom he has to take care of). The only thing that I find annoying is his use of pressure through my partner. He nagged my partner, so my partner has to nag me. It is OK, I will be nice and kind for this time.

Why do we say No?

  1. We want to focus on our priority and top goals.
  2. When we say yes to B, we say No to A. A can be spending time with my partner, resting. B can be doing overtime work, doing fruitless things that consume our time and energy. Saying Yes can means sacrifice to your more important things.
  3. It is OK to say No.

I favor diplomatic ways of saying No.

Use appropriate medium depending on the closeness of relationship with the person: face-to-face, email, phone call.

How to say No?

  1. Perhaps you can try (insert somebody) who is more experienced.
  2. I am sorry, perhaps next time.
  3. I am sorry, I am afraid that I cannot fully commit to helping you.
  4. I am sorry, I have other priorities at this moment.
  5. I am sorry, I could not talk to you now. How is about (insert other timing)?
  6. No, thank you.
  7. Delay / procrastinate your reply (this implicitly tells the person that you are not so interested) and apologize.
  8. No reply (for emails).
  9. Minimize your access to the person.

If you have more suggestions that you would kindly share in the comments, I say thank you to you in advance for sharing.


Written by blueroselady

March 29, 2012 at 4:24 pm

3 Responses

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  1. […] Be clear of the amount that you can afford. If s/he asks for more down the road, you can say No. Share this:TwitterEmailStumbleUponLike this:LikeBe the first to like […]

  2. […] junk food. enjoy people and use things, instead of the other way round. exercise regularly. know how to say No. love and accept myself completely. overcome fear. praise more, criticize and complain less. pray […]

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